to leave seven year old DD alone at home for short periods?

[firstaibu]

I've name changed for this as am fearing a flaming...

I'm not talking about leaving her for an evening or anything like that, but on several of occasions recently I've left her at home while I go to the supermarket. She didn't want to come with me, and I usually leave her sitting in the car reading when I go to the supermarket anyway. I lock the front door and she knows to ignore it if anyone knocks. She has the cordless phone and knows how to ring my mobile (she has repeatedly demonstrated this to me), and also how to ring 999. In an emergency, she could unlock the gate at the bottom of the garden to get out into the street. I phone her at least once while I'm out. She's seven and a half, and reasonably sensible; I'm confident that she just sits and reads, or plays the wii. I'm never gone more than an hour.

I know a lot of you will think I'm being very U, but is there anyone out there that does this too, or doesn't think I'm a horrendously neglectful parent?

Personally I would be far more worried about them having a TV in their bedroom and watching totally unsuitable programmes. I would be worried about what they were accessing on line-they can be at far more danger 'safe' in their own bedroom than they are walking to the local shop on their own.

piscesmoon, i like your style!

Nice of you to say so BritFish-not many people do!
The silly thing is that both my DH and DSs think I am the biggest mother hen around-the joke refrain is 'I am a big boy now'! They don't even appreciate that I am obviously a huge risk taker with a cavalier attitude to their safety-I think they would roll around the floor laughing if I told them the on line assessment of my parenting!

Absolutely no way would I leave a 7 year old home if she dosn't like shopping with you then drop her off at friends/grandparents etc. it's just too young and absolutely ANYTHING could happen ! what if you had an accident and had to be taken to hospital ? would she know what to do if she could not get hold of you !!! get real and think of all the possible outcomes.

Ok I have been as respectful as possible to everyone's opinions on here; I'm really grateful for all the views that have been expressed and the debate that's gone on. But....
"What if it's someone that doesn't knock? Someone who breaks in? Someone who has watched you leave for the supermarket, knowing you are leaving your 7 year old alone? Just cannot believe you would risk this. OK, flame me and say it's really unlikely. True - unlikely, but still possible. "
"It's true! Are you denying what happened to Madeleine McCann? Are you denying there are paedophiles in every village, town and city of the UK? "

FFS! I had a whole litany of concerns about leaving DD at home playing the wii for an hour, but frankly, paedos lurking down our cul-de-sac watching our house to ascertain the patterns of when we leave - that strikes me as the most utter paranoia. If I can direct you back to all that has been said about the M McCann comparisons... I think you are being completely absurd.

Oh, and Piscesmoon, I am thrilled to have you back!!

mamasparkle Fri 11-Jun-10 21:37:45

"Every time I think about it I just cannot believe anyone would do this, or think it was an OK thing to do."

I would not advise you to visit the Continent, particularly not Scandinavia- it would be a constant series of shocks to you to see how different attitudes are there.

I used to live in France, cory, and have visited the Continent many times, thanks!

Cory thinking that mamasparkles should not be planning any childrearing factfinding trips to Northern Europe any time soon..

I think you are being completely absurd by leaving your 7 year old alone, firstaibu!

I'll leave the trips to Northern Europe to you guys, perhaps in a couple of years you'll think it's reasonable to leave your kids at home while you do so!

well in a couple of years my DC's will be 19 and 21 so yes

look mamasparkle, the risk of anything horrible happening to anyone in their own home is very low. and the risk of a peadophiles swooping in off the street is so incredibly low i cant even comprehend it.

much higher chances of something happening are -with lots of people in the house, moving about, tripping down stairs, setting things on fire accidently
-molestation/murder/rape/abduction/assault within the family.

It's not just about horrible things happening, it is also about how a child feels to be on their own. And how, if thngs go a little against the plan [like when I got an electric shock] it can be really quite horrible for them. Not because they die or are injured, but what t does to confidence.

I remember being scared and lonely. I never let on as I knew my mother wanted me to say I was fine.

I think the idea of slowly increasing the time alone, and doing it when there is no need, but as a clear exercise in independance building is wise.

Sorry to keep harpng on, but I've posted about my personal experiences of this and no one has acknowledged this. Children should have a voice in this, and because of how chldren are, they do sometimes need their minds reading as they will not always have the skills or the motives to honestly say what they feel.

treedelivery, i completely agree with you! my children are confident enough to speak out if they feel scared, and once my DD was scared as she thought she heard a noise from the attic, so we didnt leave them for a while and took her into the attic to see there was nothing there.
my children were mature enough and i feel it benefited them in the long run. others feel differently, life goes on!

That's great, I'm glad you feel you handled it well. I'll probably do similar with my dd1, probably with dd2. I realise life goes on!

treedelivery I absolutely agree with you that it should be about personal experience and the wish of the child

I used to love being left alone: with 3 brothers the house often felt a little crowded and I relished the peace

I am still someone who enjoys having the house to myself but would not try to impose that on dcs if that's not their thing

did not leave dd at such a young age as ds for precisely this reason: she was not ready for it

I did try to get ds to come with me when I went to the office the other day, but he pleaded to be left at home (I would actually quite have liked his company but appreciated that he could have a more productive morning at home)

ermmmmm yes

try this
we bring it to your door

or this

so do we

or this

and us

treedelivery I'm sorry if I didn't acknowledge your personal experience; I've found it really illuminating reading about people's experiences as children of being left or not, and I appreciate that a lot of posters felt pressured into saying it was all fine (through necessity), or thought it would be fine but then were terrified when they were alone.

My DD is a particularly confident child. It's not that she never gets scared of things, but if she does, she is sure to tell me.. I wouldn't have dreamed of leaving her if I thought she would be spooked or scared (for the same reasons, I would not, at the moment, leave her after dark), and I know that if she had felt scared at any point, she would tell me (repeatedly and vociferously!)

thecoffeelady
I did answer that point a couple of times already, but thanks for the links

Oh no don't worry. I just think it's important to hear this side of it all. Childs voice I suppose.

Thats good she is able to talk to you freely. I think that's why it's good to get the point over that what you are doing isn't essential. So they can pipe up and say of they aren't happy.
I remember feeling I really couldn't say as I knew how important it was mum went out to her cleaning job, probably an hour or something. I am also aware that I probably didn't realise I was frightened, iyswim? It's just looking back that I recognise the feelng. To me it was just life and that's how life was. I can remember loving the first little whle, then feeling huge expanses of time filled with waiting.

Trick of the memory though, it was probably only 10 mns and it was probably not that many times really. I'm probably just rememberng the crappy times, not the times sat eating all the fridge contents.

treedelivery I think you are totally right that the choice thing is key; if you feel that it's something your parents 'just have to do', then it feels like something you have to be brave about, and that takes away your (the child's) choice in the situation. Of course, my DD could have become spooked by something (she didn't), but I'm confident that if she had, she would have told me in no uncertain terms when I got back!

That doesn't, of course, rule out all the other things that could have gone wrong, I just feel that the fear thing isn't really an issue for my DD in this scenario.

'what if you had an accident and had to be taken to hospital ? would she know what to do if she could not get hold of you !!!

If I could be bothered to count them I would see how many people on here are so worried about the poor DC being a little tearful about you being late that they have to have the DC in the accident with you! It is bizarre. If I was in an accident I would give anything to have my DC safe at home! They should have the initiative to get on the phone to someone if you are late!

I know perfectly well that I can get my shopping on line-I never have and I don't want to!

Choice is the key-only do it if they are happy.

cory, i have to say i like your post (cory Fri 11-Jun-10 09:44:14 ) it sums up so well the paranoia about health and safety and such in the uk.
i also think that so many children in the uk are not taught to use their brains and common sense ;( perhaps i wasnt very lucky, but i certainly met a lot of children who were like that.

Yup. I know that if Cory's on one of these threads about leaving children, I will be nodding my head in agreement.

This is very interesting: A League Table of Child Deaths By Injury in Rich Nations.

Sweden is "top" (ie the best), with the UK second. It acknoweldges that it is a complex area - but I noticed this on Page 22 about the risks of "over protection":

"Among child safety campaigners there is today a widespread worry that perceived risks are being fanned into a blaze of unnecessary anxiety by media coverage of individual cases.The result may be not only increased stress on both parents and children, but also an increase in the very tragedies that such alarmism and anxiety is designed to forestall.

To take one current example of this growing dilemma, the United Kingdom?s Royal Society for the Prevention of
Accidents (RoSPA) has recently reported a 50 per cent year-on-year increase in the number of children drowned in pools, rivers, canals and lakes.The society has described this increase as ?very worrying? but argues that it cannot be blamed only on a hotter than average summer. According to a RoSPA spokesperson, the rise is at least partly due to children?s poor judgement of the risks involved. Parents today are keeping their children too protected for them to be able to develop good risk awareness.They are not developing in the way that kids used to. Many are simply not aware of the dangers of the outside world.?