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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know i am NBU, please confirm!! DSS and girlfriend

147 replies

TrappedinSuburbia · 31/05/2010 20:10

Dss (16) has brought his girlfriend home for the first time. They are currently watching a dvd in his bedroom (door open).
I say that when ds (5) goes to bed, they need to come downstairs.
AIBU?? (dp disagrees)

OP posts:
squeaver · 31/05/2010 20:12

Why? because of the noise from the dvd?

BosomsByTheSea · 31/05/2010 20:12

Erm, maybe YABU. What does DS have to do with it?

ItsAllaBitNoisy · 31/05/2010 20:13

Ah let them watch their DVD, if the door is open it's fine.

ameliameerkat · 31/05/2010 20:13

Why? Will the noise keep the 5 yr old awake? Do the 5 year old and the 16 year old share a room?

Original poster
TrappedinSuburbia · 31/05/2010 20:14

Their bedrooms are right next to each other, the walls are thin, would be the noise.

OP posts:
squeaver · 31/05/2010 20:15

Well tell them to put the dvd off and find something else to amuse themselves. Scrabble maybe??

ReneRusso · 31/05/2010 20:15

Not sure. Perhaps they could keep the noise down?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 31/05/2010 20:15

I shouldnt see why they need to come down unless you know for sure that your 5yr old is definitely going to be disturbed and then play you up.

Original poster
TrappedinSuburbia · 31/05/2010 20:16

Ds is pretty excitable as well, if he knows someone else is upstairs he won't go to sleep.
When ds goes to bed, dss pals need to go as well (rowdy football mad 16 year olds)!

OP posts:
Original poster
TrappedinSuburbia · 31/05/2010 20:17

You can hear a normal conversation in the next room.
I certainly wouldn't be able to get to sleep.

OP posts:
herbietea · 31/05/2010 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

traumaqueen · 31/05/2010 20:18

how about they come down while ds goest to sleep then go back up again when he's asleep on the basis they have to be quiet. Give it a try.

Although quiet 16 year old and girlfriend in bedroom more of a worry than noisy ones. Best contraceptive I know of is jolly public discussion about condoms, ideally including an offer to lend them some of yours so they can see which flavour/texture does it for them.

Original poster
TrappedinSuburbia · 31/05/2010 20:21

Traumaqueen, im resisting the urge to shout 'get that harlot out my house now'!!!

I don't know whats got into me, he came in and asked if it was ok they went upstairs, I wasn't in and dp said it was, I'm not sure I would have said yes at all.

I know im going to get flambayed for saying that, perhaps im being territorial!!!

OP posts:
MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 31/05/2010 20:24

Can you ask them to come down until DS is asleep and then send them up again to finish their dvd? Seems a bit mean to make them stop, though.

EricNorthmansmistress · 31/05/2010 20:25

YANBU
How old is gf? How long have they been together? If gf is 16 as well I'd consider allowing 'alone time' when they have proved they are in a proper relationship. However if it's two weeks in then no.

EricNorthmansmistress · 31/05/2010 20:26

I assumed you were talking about sex

God that's what working in social work with teenagers in care does to you....

Original poster
TrappedinSuburbia · 31/05/2010 20:30

ENM, i've already made it clear there will be none of that, especially not with a 5yo next door. I really don't approve (god i sound really old fashioned).

They've been talking for months {online) and met up a few times before they've (or rather he) has decided to become an 'item'.

They've nicked ds's dvd player anyway as dss's is broken and he'll need it back as he watches a film before bed (no school tomorow).

God I sound like an old meanie, ds is going to watch a film anyway!

It's just not sitting right with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
TrappedinSuburbia · 31/05/2010 20:31

ENM, had the talk, he says he's not ready for anything like that aye mate!

OP posts:
FabIsGoingToGetFit · 31/05/2010 20:32

Then you should have them come down. Your house and all that.

saslou · 31/05/2010 20:35

I think you are being a bit U. Fair enough to ask them to keep the noise down, but at 16 he is entitled to have his gf over and to be able to sit in his own room with her. It's not his fault that you have a young son going to bed at this time. I think it might breed resentment if you make him adjust his perfectly acceptable behaviour on the grounds that your DS might not get to sleep so quickly. Why do you feel territorial? Is the gf not nice? Obviously, if they were doing something other than watching a DVD, you would be within your rights to object.

MrsC2010 · 31/05/2010 20:35

I don't know, it seems a little mean to stop him seeing his girlfriend (sounds innocent enough TBH) and his friends when the other goes to bed. When would that stop? Surely he has to have a 'life' as well?

On an unrelated note, your 5yr old DS has his own DVD player, in his room?! Blimey, I was never allowed/will not allow TVs in rooms let alone DVD players!

saslou · 31/05/2010 20:38

Just seen the bit about your ds watching a film himself before going to sleep. How is your DSS going to feel if you make him come downstairs, while your ds isn't even going to sleep anyway?

GeekOfTheWeek · 31/05/2010 20:39

YABU

Agree with saslou

AmazingBouncingFerret · 31/05/2010 20:43

Yeah that's not really very fair is it? Your DSS has company over, you want him to not be upstairs because your 5yr old is going to bed then it turns out he's not actually going to sleep anyway! Much resentment will build from this.

compo · 31/05/2010 20:44

As long as a) you're sure they're not shagging up there and b) they're not distrubing your ds' sleep I'd leave them
what time are you going to send her home?

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