I know i am NBU, please confirm!! DSS and girlfriend

[TrappedinSuburbia]

Dss (16) has brought his girlfriend home for the first time. They are currently watching a dvd in his bedroom (door open).
I say that when ds (5) goes to bed, they need to come downstairs.
AIBU?? (dp disagrees)

Leave them be, as long as the door is open. Definitely don't take away a source of entertainment!

DS will survive.

Yabu! Why are ds's needs of more importance than dss.

When the rules of a house are dictated by the needs of the youngest child resentment will invariably occur.

The 5 year old has a DVD player!!!

Read him a story instead!

I think a little empathy for DSS is needed here, the first time a girlfriend comes over is important! It sounds innocent enough, he is not a baby any more and the way their relationship has developed sounds quite sensible. Can't you read to your youngest this evening instead? Much better than putting him to bed with a DVD, this will certainly not help him settle. I was always under the impression that TV etc before bed is a stimulant?

Let littlest get overexcited and anoy the bejaysus out of them!

This will act as a stirling pregnancy deterent and libido quasher.

YABQQU

And actually Louiseleg (as I always read it, sorry, ) has a jolly good point.

YABU ,tell them to snog talk quietly

Oh man, remember being 16 with a nice cuddly boyfriend to snog snuggle with?

firstly, i understand that your DS wants the dvd player, but you are being v. sniffy about your DSS and his gf, which is obviously the real issue here. At 16, they dont need to be under constant supervision [although im considered v. lax in the teen sex department by most...]

Better than my experience when dss[16] was my dd[15]'s boyfriend!!You should have seen their elder brothers[17 and 18]on patrol!

they might be playing tiddley winks

Dvd a treat as no school tommorow.

I hadn't actually met her, they were holed up in his room when I came home and I didn't want to embarass him.

Ds actually ran upstairs to ask for his dvd back before bedtime.

Dss and girlfriend beat a retreat about 20 mins after this when he walked her to the bus stop.

She seems really nice, so maybe me just adjusting to the first girlfriend ever being in the house.

It just didn't seem right, but now i've met her im feeling a bit more relaxed.

And no, tough shit on school nights, when ds goes to bed then its downstairs.

shut the door ,that will lessen the sound. I have a similar problem but both ds1 and ds2 are older, on a school night its a bit of a problem and I'm always going up and asking them to turn the tv down and not laugh /talk so loudly. its a pain but that's just family life. It's half term so not so much of an issue, just set ground rules for term time

What doesn't seem right? That a 16 year old lad would have a girlfriend? Or that he'd bring her home? Only I'm struggling to identify the problem here.

YANBU - your house, your rules. If you don't want hanky panky under your own roof you are entirely within your rights.

See, I struggle here to see why it is such an issue..

We have 5 kids ranging from 18 down to 2yrs old and all of their needs have to be met from clubs to friends to medical appointments and more recently lovelife!

If he is at the stage where is has a girlfriend and wants to bring her home you have to find space within your family setup for that to happen. Or what? He has to conduct his lovelife outside your family unit where nobody has any idea who he is dating and spending his time with?

I am often upstairs sticking my head in DS's room when his girlfriend is in there too telling them to keep the giggling down as DD(2) is asleep. It is part of family life - as tootyflooty has said. I am glad that DS has a girlfriend and that he gets love and affection from another source apart from his family - and I often trot down the stairs after ticking them off about the noise, with a smile on my face remembering my own teen years....

But if hanky panky is what they want, they'll get it elsewhere, (bus shelter/back alley???) and they will feel alientated by you. My DS is 17 and he and his girlfriend sleep together in my house - we have a ten year old who just accepts this. They have been together a long time (3 years), and they are extremely discreet, extremely sensible, mature young people.
If I though my house was being used as a casual knocking shop I would be concerned, and put my foot down, but under the circumstances I think we should be treating our young adult children with the same respect/empathy that we would have wished for at that age. It is his home, after all.

Oksy, I see it is the first time he's brought her home, so I'm not suggesting you let her stay in his room all night just yet, but I still think you should cut him some slack.

Well said TiggyR.

TiggyR! i am another parent who lets her 16+ teens sleep in same bed as their boy/girlfriends in her house!
[or as some on here would see it running a brothel/condoning teenage pregnancy...have you encountered Gichin?]

No, who is Gichin? An MNer? MN's answer to Victoria Gillick?

a troll, although when i encountered her a few weeks back [when she said the brothel/encouraging teen pregnancy thing] i didnt know it. she seemed like a misinformed hysterical MNer. but if you go and look at any of the tattoo threads you will see that she is so much more...

i call her grinch

I'm tired now, but I'll earmark her for some early morning reading.