I know i am NBU, please confirm!! DSS and girlfriend

[TrappedinSuburbia]

Dss (16) has brought his girlfriend home for the first time. They are currently watching a dvd in his bedroom (door open).
I say that when ds (5) goes to bed, they need to come downstairs.
AIBU?? (dp disagrees)

[BritFish]

she found us! RRRUUUNNN
unless of course Gichin would like to answer the questions i posed to her on the other thread?

[TiggyR]

{shock] SPOOKY. Anyway, still tired, so if any duelling is to be done, it must be done in the morrow.

[TiggyR]

that should be . See? So tired I can't even spell my emoticons.

[iamamug]

YABU - teenagers appreciate their space - if this is the first time he has brought her home he won't feel confortable in the same room as the grown ups - also agree with other posts - if DS is watching a film anyway you can't tell them he's going to disturb him - also my DS3 has grown up in a house full of other people and I wouldn't dream of making everyone creep around the place for him - he sleeps through earthquakes now.You need to tread carefully and I know what I'm talking about - I have DSS livig with us and he is 19 and has allsorts going on at times but is discreet and respectful.

[MrsHarkness]

To be honest you actually sound like the wicked step mum, "my son can sit in his bedroom and watch a dvd but my step son can't just incase my son is disturbed" (even though he's not sleeping anyway!) Nice way to bring a shed load of resentment between the boys!

[MrsHarkness]

To be honest you actually sound like the wicked step mum, "my son can sit in his bedroom and watch a dvd but my step son can't just incase my son is disturbed" (even though he's not sleeping anyway!) Nice way to bring a shed load of resentment between the boys!

[sunnydelight]

YABU - from an outside perspective it looks like you are seriously favouring your DS. Bringing his girlfriend home for the first time is a big deal for a 16 year old (I have one!). You could be a bit sensitive to this rather than making sure your little darling isn't inconvenienced in any way.

[TiggyR]

And besides, if the sound carries from one room to another as badly as you say, you really should do something about soundproofing the walls. I think it is grossly unreasonable for a 16 year old to have to leave his room every time a 5 year old goes to bed. He must get no privacy time in his own space! He'll just end up hanging around the the streets instead, and resenting you all. Can't help wondering if you'd be a bit more accommodating and understanding if he was a DS, not DSS? Sorry, but can't help it.

[Alouiseg]

My thoughts exactly Tiggy.

[mumblechum]

Since your OP said you know you're NBU, OP, have you changed your mind?

I think you may have to and hope you take on board what Sunny Delight and Tiggy R have said.

[Morloth]

There are going to be girls who want to get into bed with my sweet baby boys aren't there? Girls like me! Oh God.

Must ensure a life separate from my role as mother, or this will make me crazy.

[TiggyR]

Yes, Morloth, and they are to be treated with deep suspicion and cynicism. They will all want to trap your poor gullible babies into fatherhood and early marriage, they will say they are on the pill, then forget to take it, and they will all be thoroughly unsuitable/unworthy. May as well just get used to it now! (says mother of three boys.)

Actually, both my eldest boys' GFs are lovely. I am very lucky. I'm sure it won't always be so....

[TiggyR]

My MIL (not actually not my DH's mother - she died before my DCs were born - this is FIL's second wife) has three boys and she gave me a great piece of advice once. She said that you will not always like their choices but it will serve you well to keep your mouth shut and be the best friend you can to your DILs in spite of what you may feel, because if your son is in truly in love he will never choose you over her, and you'll lose him. Sad but true.

[Morloth]

LOL, I wasn't thinking about it that deeply TiggyR more like "my little boys having sex?! YUCK".

I get on very well with MIL will have to ask her for tips.

[TiggyR]

But we just have to keep indoctinating them from a very early age about what to avoid in a woman...

[Morloth]

How is it with 3 boys? I was adamant a couple of months ago that there wouldn't be anymore babies, and now I am thinking the only thing better than 2 boys is 3...

[Morloth]

TiggyR "But we just have to keep indoctinating them from a very early age about what to avoid in a woman..."

Yes, anyone who reminds them of their mother for instance. Poor DH.

[TiggyR]

I only planned for two - no.3 was a very happy little accident. He's nearly 11 now. I'm not sure how I managed to conceive him at all, come to think of it. I sometimes think he was an immaculate conception, which would explain why he behaves like a little demi-God - the next coming. We are all in his thrall - that's the way he likes it! Typical Leo.

It's lovely! Noisy, messy, chaotic, lots of testosterone/running/muddy trainers etc, but just peachy!

[posieparker]

I wouldn't have a teen in their bedroom with their gf/bf.

And putting a 5 year old to bed with a DVD, fucking hell.

[Morloth]

I like noisy and chaotic, I may try getting a puppy first and see if that helps.

[posieparker]

Some of you allow teens to sleep together/have sex in your house? Good Lord. I hope the parents of the bf/gfs know about this.

[TiggyR]

Posie, Yes, they do know, and they do the same in their house. DS and his GF are both over the age of consent are in a long-term committed relationship. It is no longer my decision or my business to dictate whether or not they should be having sex. I have furnished my son with the what I hope are the right values and ethics about sex and relationships and I must trust him now to make sensible decisions/choices. He won't always get it right I'm sure (as I didn't) but whilst he is in a loving, committed and respectful relationship I will respect that also. Not sure how being in denial about it helps anyone.

[posieparker]

There's a difference between denial and complete transparency.

[TiggyR]

What is wrong with transparency? Should he be ashamed of himself? Should I be ashamed of him? Do you prefer hypocrisy? Do as I say, not as I do? Jesus.