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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave DS alone in house while we go to pub?

332 replies

LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 20:57

Let me explain...

We are going on holiday with my parents and brother. We go every year and usually we camp but this year we're getting a house because DS 15months a bit young for camping (bad sleeper and noisy!). It's a tiny little village, v quiet, no crime ever as far as I know. The house has a garden, with a gate that leads onto road behind, where there is a pub.

Today my mum suggested that one night we could all go out together for a meal/drinks at the pub as it's so close we could take the baby monitor. The way things are positioned, it would be just like sitting out in the house garden, if the garden was a bit longer iyswim!

I'm not sure how I feel about this. She really sees no problem in it, we would obviously lock up the house, it would take barely a minute to get back if he woke (which he rarely does at that time), and anything untoward would be heard over the baby monitor. This all makes sense but a little thing in my mind is a bit [unsure emoticon]... I'm sure other nights we will stay in/BBQ, they will babysit so me and DH can go out, and we will stay in when they go out, but it would be nice to all go just one night.

It's not a big deal at all, she isn't going to get pissy or anything if we don't do it, but just wondering would you do it? Judge away

OP posts:
BritFish · 30/05/2010 22:31

IsThatTheTime:
it is a silly comparison i suppose, 6 year olds seem to seek out things to set themselves on fire with...
ive almost completely lost faith in AIBU after the dog kicking thread [friendly dog jumps up at frightened child, a lot of mumsnetters see fit to injure the dog. AIBU indeed]

Imarriedafrog · 30/05/2010 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

biddyofsuburbia · 30/05/2010 22:33

I wouldn't do it. Ever. I would be so worried on many levels (what if something happens (/what if someone finds out and reports me for neglect/what if...what if?) that it would be so stressful it would not be worth it. And for all those who say things like fire are unlikely - it's true but possible - in my lovely rewired house which is so 'safe' we had a fire in January that no one had forseen as a possibility. What if I'd popped to the shop down the road and left the kids in the house when that happened??

Why don't you either take him with you (nice walk in the buggy to get him off to sleep first) or get a babysitter or let the rest of them have one night out without you/or your dh if your mum wants time with you and your brother.

Sorry if you think I'm a party pooper but you did ask!

racemeraceme · 30/05/2010 22:39

y'know, going to the pub is such a small thing. Such a tiddling thing in the big scheme of things, even after 15 months of parenthood.

either take him with you, a late night wont harm or leave him at home with someone, you go for first hour, then swap with someone else for second hr etc or don't go.

don't leave him, it doesn't need to be done

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 22:41

Hmm, a lot of comments about him waking up alone in a strange house. I see your point, but he will wake up alone wherever I am, because I don't sit in his bedroom all evening, and I never go straight to him when he cries out because he's a noisy sleeper and often stirs without really waking and goes off again. If I go straight in, he's more likely to properly wake and take a while to settle. So the minute it would take me to get to him from the pub would be time he would spend alone whatever. I definitely wouldn't leave him on the first night or if he was struggling to settle there.

Also, for those who suggested babysitters, if he was to wake alone in a strange house and then a strange babysitter went in, would that not be even worse? I would much rather he wait the minute and then I go in, not some person he's never met before tbh. We are lucky that we ave family close so have never used a stranger babysitter, don't know how he would react. Think it would be worse to do that for first time on holiday in strange house etc etc than go to the pub with the baby monitor personally.

OP posts:
withorwithoutyou · 30/05/2010 22:43

I think if you have to ask on here if it's ok then you probably shouldn't do it.

RedOnHerHead · 30/05/2010 22:45

Well you seem to have made up your mind. But I can't see the harm in taking him TBH. Would rather that than leave him in a house alone whilst at a pub.

thesecondcoming · 30/05/2010 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 30/05/2010 22:48

So just go then, LordVolauVent and do what you want. Don't ask on here what's best.

And don't bleat if something happens because you made a poor judgement.

IMO, it's a poor judgement to leave a baby alone in a house.

funnysinthegarden · 30/05/2010 22:50

LVAV, for what its worth I wouldn't have a problem with this if going to the pub with the monitor was effectively the same as being in your own garden. We have quite a long garden, and I have no problem being in the garden with the monitor.

AnyFucker · 30/05/2010 22:50

why post if you have already made your mind up ?

or are just going to come up with a reason why every suggestion for a better way is poo-poo'ed ?

withorwithoutyou · 30/05/2010 22:51

Can't you just take him and see how you get on?

DD was really difficult to get to sleep but when we went on holiday with my family when she was 11 months old we took her to the pub, she dropped off in the buggy at bedtime and even stated asleep being transferred into the car and then into bed.

Surely the first thing you do is try taking him with you and see how you get on?

janeite · 30/05/2010 22:53

The point is, whether he knows the babysitter or not, at least somebody will BE there - which is, unquestionably, better than somebody NOT being there, as you propose. Babysitter = careful parenting / child alone in house = bad parenting. It's not Einstein.

KurriKurri · 30/05/2010 22:53

Isn't it illegal to leave a baby in those circumstances? (genuine enquiry - never quite sure on the law over this sort of thing).

I wouldn't anyway, it may be a small risk, but I couldn't do it.

withorwithoutyou · 30/05/2010 22:54

This house you're staying in, is it a holiday let? Do you know who else has keys to it?

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 22:55

No I wouldn't and I think the people saying 'oh you are being OTT' to people who are pointing out the potential risks/consequences are idiotic parents who would be the first to bleat about how unfair life is if anything happened to their kids while they were more concerned about going to the pub. Poor parenting, no two ways about it.

Glycine · 30/05/2010 22:55

Wouldn't do it. Why take the risk?

Linziwam · 30/05/2010 22:55

I think it'd be fine, but if ur unsure about it it's probly not worth the bother.
Can u not just take him with you? If it's only a local pub he should be allowed in. I know u said he won't sleep, so just let him stay up and have a night out with u? One late night won't hurt him and u may even get a little lie in the next day!

KarmaAngel · 30/05/2010 22:58

If the pub is so close to the house can't someone go over for drinks and then you all just drink in the garden? I wouldn't do it personally.

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 22:59

If the Mcanns had but their children's needs before their need for a child free night out they would know where their now 7 year old daughter is- tucked up safely in her bed where the risk of harm to her is minimised as much as possible.

May sound harsh but I am aghast that lessons havent been learned from the tragedy and grief that has affected a families life forever.

mumbar · 30/05/2010 23:01

personally I wouldn't,

but... my mum has often suggested similar things and I've been a bit .

Ive decided it's because our DM and DF did what they felt was best and didn't consult previous media reports, google and MN

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 23:03

"So just go then, LordVolauVent and do what you want. Don't ask on here what's best."

Hey?

"why post if you have already made your mind up ?"

And hey?

If anything, my mind is made up the other way, as in I won't be going to the pub. As I said earlier, I highly doubt I'll do it. Was just wondering why him waking up to a strange babysitter was better than waking up to me after a minute, when people had pointed out that him waking up in a strange house was wrong.

Sorry if I've offended you, but sometimes people's suggestions do not fit with your circumstances, not poo-poohing, just confused about that particular thing.

OP posts:
withorwithoutyou · 30/05/2010 23:06

As the McCann's have already been mentioned...didn't the McCann's say that they think they'd been watched?

If it's a small place and a local pub there is every possibility that people know you are a party of X with one small baby and that your entire party of X is in the pub, except the small baby.

It is possible that they'd realise you'd left your child unattended, as seems to be what happened in the McCann's case.

Ok, the McCann's didn't lock the door apparently, but you don't know who has keys to the place, or how easy it would be to break in.

coll2010 · 30/05/2010 23:07

No I'd never would do this. Either take him with ye or stay at home. Get some wine and bears in - much more relaxing.

janeite · 30/05/2010 23:10

Bears around the baby might be a little stressful - but beers should be fine!