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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave DS alone in house while we go to pub?

332 replies

LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 20:57

Let me explain...

We are going on holiday with my parents and brother. We go every year and usually we camp but this year we're getting a house because DS 15months a bit young for camping (bad sleeper and noisy!). It's a tiny little village, v quiet, no crime ever as far as I know. The house has a garden, with a gate that leads onto road behind, where there is a pub.

Today my mum suggested that one night we could all go out together for a meal/drinks at the pub as it's so close we could take the baby monitor. The way things are positioned, it would be just like sitting out in the house garden, if the garden was a bit longer iyswim!

I'm not sure how I feel about this. She really sees no problem in it, we would obviously lock up the house, it would take barely a minute to get back if he woke (which he rarely does at that time), and anything untoward would be heard over the baby monitor. This all makes sense but a little thing in my mind is a bit [unsure emoticon]... I'm sure other nights we will stay in/BBQ, they will babysit so me and DH can go out, and we will stay in when they go out, but it would be nice to all go just one night.

It's not a big deal at all, she isn't going to get pissy or anything if we don't do it, but just wondering would you do it? Judge away

OP posts:

sunshiney · 30/05/2010 21:59

Look at it this way...

Say god forbid something terrible happens, such as a fire or gas leak.

The police ask, "where were you?"

if you can answer you were on the property (even in the garden) you would only have grief to deal with.

If your answer was "we were all at the pub", well then along with grief you would have a lifetime of condemnation too.

That would settle the 'but we're technically no further away in the pub than in the garden' argument for me.

Call me dramatic, and of course the risk is small, but it's the what-if's that are stopping you...not so? So don't take unnecessary risks.

OTTMummA · 30/05/2010 22:00

yes i would report you, or infact confront you personally, i have no problem with doing that, leaving a baby alone in the house is not only neglectful, but stupid and irresponisble, i would think you were in need of some parenting classes and supervision from SS tbh.
I would feel very sorry for your DC, and you as your mum clearly allowed you to think this is acceptable.

StealthPolarBear · 30/05/2010 22:02

OTT I disagree with you in principle, but I'm impressed that you're willing to stand up for what you believe is right and to 'stick your nose in' when you know it'd be unwelcome.

lal123 · 30/05/2010 22:02

I always tend to use the newspaper headlines to help decide wether this is unreasonable or not. As Sunshiney says a headline of "Baby dies while parents in garden" is a bit different from "Baby dies while parents in pub"

AnyFucker · 30/05/2010 22:03

yes, wouldn't it look fantastic on the front page of the local rag...

"baby hurt while 4 adults went to pub..."

StealthPolarBear · 30/05/2010 22:05

But surely if you've lost a child the headlines are the least of your worries
or am i being naive? suppose i am

BritFish · 30/05/2010 22:07

Isthatthetime
"leaving a 6 year old alone in the house is entirely different from leaving a baby IN A COT"
im not a hysterical mother, and i loved a night away from my two when they were babies.
dont need a reality check, i thought my post was quite reasonable?
i just wouldnt leave a baby/toddler on its own if i wasnt in the same house, [well, maybe im influenced by the memory my two very wriggly kids!]

oh and OP, i wouldnt report you because chances are nothing would happen. and if something did happen to the baby its on your shoulders anyway.

Original poster

LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 22:08

Yes, I discussed unsavoury newspaper headlines with my mum, never wanted to be notorious.

Not particularly important to me anyfucker, no need to be , I hadn't even considered it til my mum brought it up. Agree with her it would be nice to all go, however probably not worth the heartache.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 30/05/2010 22:09

I wouldn't confront you about it (as it isn't a direct act of child neglect, I suppose)...but I would certainly judge you

janeite · 30/05/2010 22:09

Only read the Op and good God, no - I absolutely wouldn't. Then again, my dds are 15 and 13 and we still haven't left them alone in the evening yet.

BritFish · 30/05/2010 22:11

that newspaper thing is a good one EXCEPT

when the Mcaans lost their child, everyone was really concerned for Maddy, and the papers didnt exactly headline it as 'parents go out leave toddler and babies alone on foreign holiday, apartment left unlocked, parents will hate themselves for their stupidity forever'

AnnieLobeseder · 30/05/2010 22:13

I'm as laid-back as they come, but I wouldn't do it. We left our DDs and used the baby monitor to go round next door, but a bbq in the next garden isn't the same as a noisy pub. Especially in a strange area where you and your child don't know the house and the area.

I'd be so worried, and running back to check every few minutes, so it would make for a crap evening out anyway.

WinkyWinkola · 30/05/2010 22:14

Nope. Wouldn't do it. Get a babysitter. It's not hard.

hatwoman · 30/05/2010 22:14

wonders if ott would report her for taking her children bouldering (= climbing low heights without ropes). for allowing them to walk home from school. and allowing them to walk the dog on their own. oh and for allowing them in cars. all of which are more risky.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 30/05/2010 22:15

personally I wouldn't. A 15 month old is way too young to be left, even if you are physically close by.

Why not get a baby sitter and you can go to the pub, and enjoy yourselves properly?

LJBrownie · 30/05/2010 22:17

I think some of the responses here are a little extreme in thinking of worst possible scenarios etc. I am also inclined to not dwell too much on the worst possible thing that could happen - if we weighed up the risks of many things, I suspect that walking across the street or driving with your DC has a far greater chance of causing him harm but you don't think twice about doing it. I realise that in this case, if something did happen, you would feel like you were at fault but the chances are really so small and, regardless of headlines/other people's opinions, it is only like being in a large garden (especially if you have/got hold of one of those monitors which light up with noise)... It's tricky but I certainly don't think you would be being neglectful in any way - that is an over-reaction imo - the chances of fire/gas leak etc and therefore harm to your DC are not materially higher because you're not there, especially as it's the tiniest risk that anything would happen at that time anyway...

apologies for rambling but i think people get carried away sometimes and, for what it's worth, i don't see major parallels with the McCanns who were monitor-less and much further away from their DCs. but inevitably that incredibly rare event gets mentioned within 2 posts in response to your OP.

thesecondcoming · 30/05/2010 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Monkeytoo · 30/05/2010 22:21

I wouldn't do it and I can't even really explain why, it just doesn't feel right from a gut instinct perspective. I wouldn't even really be happy being at the other end of a long garden, I just don't think babies should be left 'alone' at all.

Joonbug · 30/05/2010 22:22

No way - and if I knew someone was doing this, I'd report them!

LJBrownie · 30/05/2010 22:25

I can't believe the police would be that interested in this minor scenario even to the extent that they would turn up at the pub before closing time... Surely there would be actual crimes/people genuinely at more than the teeny-tiniest risk to be dealt with instead??

WinkyWinkola · 30/05/2010 22:26

Other activities like crossing a street may have a greater chance of causing harm but there are some things you can help prevent within reason.

If you left a 15 mo child alone in the house and something did happen, you would never forgive yourself. Things like gas leaks and fires etc are less likely to cause death or injury if there is a responsible adult there.

You don't leave very young children alone. It's that simple.

IsThatTheTime · 30/05/2010 22:26

Britfish I'm not accusing you of being a hysterical mother, just saying that I don't think the comparison (6yo vs baby in cot) is a valid one - but should not have shouted, so sorry for that.

I actually think the newspaper headline test is a really good test ... of the response you'd get on AIBU - likely to be sensationalist, over the top and completely judgmental. I'm clearly miles away from most of the people on here on this one so going to drop away quietly now I think.

LJBrownie · 30/05/2010 22:28

"I actually think the newspaper headline test is a really good test ... of the response you'd get on AIBU - likely to be sensationalist, over the top and completely judgmental"

I totally agree ITTT, especially on this topic, it's a funny one.

RedOnHerHead · 30/05/2010 22:28

I would absolutley not do that. I would rather stay in alone with the baby than go.

You said in your OP that he is a bad sleeper - yet would risk him waking up in a strange place alone. I would go with your unsure instinct and take your DS with you.

I think if I was out and I knew someone was doing that, then I would judge them badly for it. Rightly or wrongly as that may be, I don't think I would be able to help myself.

Have a fab time anyway, but please take him with you. Like you said, it's not a big deal.

Mishy1234 · 30/05/2010 22:28

I wouldn't. No risk (which can be avoided) is acceptable to me when it comes to my child.

Would he sleep in a pram? If the weather was nice you could eat outside?

Other than that, I would just have a nice meal etc in the house?

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