Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave DS alone in house while we go to pub?

332 replies

LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 20:57

Let me explain...

We are going on holiday with my parents and brother. We go every year and usually we camp but this year we're getting a house because DS 15months a bit young for camping (bad sleeper and noisy!). It's a tiny little village, v quiet, no crime ever as far as I know. The house has a garden, with a gate that leads onto road behind, where there is a pub.

Today my mum suggested that one night we could all go out together for a meal/drinks at the pub as it's so close we could take the baby monitor. The way things are positioned, it would be just like sitting out in the house garden, if the garden was a bit longer iyswim!

I'm not sure how I feel about this. She really sees no problem in it, we would obviously lock up the house, it would take barely a minute to get back if he woke (which he rarely does at that time), and anything untoward would be heard over the baby monitor. This all makes sense but a little thing in my mind is a bit [unsure emoticon]... I'm sure other nights we will stay in/BBQ, they will babysit so me and DH can go out, and we will stay in when they go out, but it would be nice to all go just one night.

It's not a big deal at all, she isn't going to get pissy or anything if we don't do it, but just wondering would you do it? Judge away

OP posts:
babywalks · 31/05/2010 22:17

As I said I didnt read the whole thread so must've missed that bit. If they are sitting in their own garden then that's fine but if you mean the pub garden then, I just find that ridiculous. They're not able to see the front door, yeah I'm sure they would lock it but still, it just doesnt seem like its worth the risk imo.

Not seen the petrol station thread, must take a look.....

herbietea · 31/05/2010 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LadyBiscuit · 31/05/2010 22:25

But from what the OP has said, it's no different from sitting in the garden. My garden is 80ft long and I'm sitting at the end of it now because it's the nicest place to sit. I can see into the house perfectly well. There is an operational smoke alarm. My DC are perfectly safe.

herbietea · 31/05/2010 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

atomicsnowflake · 31/05/2010 22:49

No way. Just stay indoors and have a drink.

EightiesChick · 31/05/2010 22:51

As there will be 5 of you, I'd leave one person in the house and, since it's only a minute away, swap every half hour. That way no-one is out of the loop for too long and someone is always on the premises. You could even eat there as well as going for drinks; you would just need to have someone who was willing to eat half an hour later than the others (check the menu and get them to order for you).

We did this on the night before my DS's christening, when a large group of us went out, but I stopped home for a bit and then my mum and other people swapped with me. It isn't actually that much trouble at all, and it is pretty much like all going out together, because you all get enough time with the other people.

TotallyWipedout · 31/05/2010 22:53

LadyB, I do give my children formal traffic training as it happens. I have been 'teaching' them about traffic since they could walk, as we walk everywhere. Now I let them practise crossing roads under strict maternal supervision. I definitely wouldn't have left them alone in the house when they were babies, though.

Quattrocento · 31/05/2010 23:02

Having had approximately 12 years of never leaving them alone, have got into the habit of early dinners, no nights out unless babysitters booked.

You can't tell what is going to happen - fire, your ds waking up with night terrors, intruders, etc etc

I thought the McCanns were barking, frankly and think this suggestion (although less nutty) is still a bit odd

differentnameforthis · 31/05/2010 23:45

LadyB... a risk is a risk afaiac! It does happen, although rare, yes I agree.

But no meal, me time, drink etc is worth my dc.

I don't see why it is frowned upon by certain posters on this thread to not leave your dc unattended!

I don't check them every 15 minutes, but I like to know they have an adult with them at all times.

posieparker · 01/06/2010 08:12

Weird, if sitting in the pub garden is like sitting in the garden why not sit in the garden? What difference does it make to your evening plans?

KodakTheBat · 01/06/2010 08:52

If it's as close as you say it is - and your sitting in the pub garden? - then I wouldn't judge you for it. If your worried about having the moniter sat on the table with you leave a phone next to the parent moniter, ring and connect to your mobile and leave your mobile on loudspeaker on the table. It would probably be clearer and less chance of the connection being interupted I'd say.

TheBolter · 01/06/2010 09:08

I agree with LadyBiscuit, I do think we're far too overprotective these days, the risks at stake here are incredibly low IMO.

But I wouldn't do it simply because if anything did happen I'd be judged so harshly. And admittedly I'd find it hard to relax.

TheBolter · 01/06/2010 09:10

Oh and if something did happen life would be unbearable anyway, not just because of the way I was judged!

LadyBiscuit · 01/06/2010 09:36

I don't think I would do it in all honestly - I was playing devil's avocado a bit last night because I think our views on risks are so skewed.

I worry that we are so busy focusing on the very unlikely but dramatic risks - like our children being abducted or a car exploding on the petrol station forecourt that we ignore the very real more prosaic ones. That mother who took her 3 children out of the car on the petrol station thread because that's better than leaving them in the car and one of them nearly got run over is a case in point. It's madness.

TotallyWipedout - am delighted you teach your children about traffic.

withorwithoutyou · 01/06/2010 09:37

What an odd question about traffic training. Who doesn't teach their DC about road safety?!

Poledra · 01/06/2010 09:44

OK, I have read the thread, and know that the OP is not comfortable with leaving the baby in the house but I cannot resist adding my tuppenceworth.

I would be uncomfortable about the fact it is a holiday let, so an unfamiliar environment to the baby if/when he woke up. I am, illogically, bothered about being 'off the premises' despite the fact that it's closer than some people are in their gardens.

I do, however, take my bins to the end of the lane while my children are in bed (takes me about 4 minutes, don't take an alarm with me). I have gone for a shower whilst DH was in the pub, did not hear DD2 vomiting till she was screaming for me as she was terribly upset (naturally) and had wakened DD3 with her tears. Would have heard this more quickly through a monitor in the garden than I did in the shower just along the corridor from where she was sleeping.

I am with the camp who would take the baby and pushchair to the pub with me - if he wouldn't sleep and was becoming really fractious, then it's not too far to go home with him early, is it?

bleedingheart · 01/06/2010 09:52

I can totally see the very limited chance of anything bad happening, it's apparently proven our children are more likely to die of obesity than abduction etc but I still couldn't relax with my baby alone in the house.

LadyBiscuit · 01/06/2010 09:53

Do all parents do formal training though and always play by the rules when they have their DC with them? Judging by the number of people I see dragging their kids across the road when the pedestrian light is on red, running across the road after they've got off the bus etc etc, I don't think they do.

It's not an odd comment at all. Most children in this country are killed as pedestrians and cyclists on our streets. Why aren't there more threads asking about where you can get tools about teaching children traffic safety if it was a real concern?

SquigletPie · 01/06/2010 10:18

I would be asking myself 'Am I so desperate to go to the pub that I would leave my child unattended?'
Discussions about distance compared to if I were at the bottom of my garden etc are merely just a way to justify your desire to have a night off from your child.
We quite happily take our 9 month old to a quiet pub/carvery and she will eat with us and then happily play in her pram or with the people there until about 7pm so I imagine your child could do the same?

withorwithoutyou · 01/06/2010 10:23

LadyBiscuit, I'm sure most of the people on this thread who wouldn't lock a 15mo baby alone in a strange house will also have taught their children traffic awareness, yes.

bumpsoon · 01/06/2010 10:33

Ring the pub now and find out if they know of any suitable babysitters in the area ,get a babysitter sorted and go to the pub ,simples

allaboardthepottytrain · 01/06/2010 11:00

LordVolAuVenT - Are you going to show your mum this thread? I bet she'd be horrified. My mum has also made some bananas suggestions about leaving my DD asleep in hotel rooms and sitting in the garden with a baby monitor.Once she left her asleep in the car with the boot open and popped out of sight for just a second (she was trying to help me carry a table). I went ape sh*t- she won't be doing that again!

It was different in their day, she is forever telling me how she used to leave me outside of shops in my pram while she went in and had a good browse. Can you imagine doing that now?! You were right to trusts your instincts that it wasn't right and to post on here for support.

foureleven · 01/06/2010 11:10

Completely laid back mother here; I wouldnt do it. For a start if there are 5 of you surely thats enough to not need a pub environment to have a good time.
Also, at 15 mths is he not big enough to climb out of the cot and go/ fall downstairs to help himself to a kitchen knife, bleach, alcohol..?

KERALA1 · 01/06/2010 18:58

Thinking about it I have been burgled twice whilst we were in the house this tips the balance for me to the dont do it camp.

TotallyWipedout · 01/06/2010 19:14

LadyB, I fear I am rather wasting my breath here - but yes, I do abide by the rules one hundred percent when I'm with the children (including not taking the green man as licence to cross without looking as well). The only way I can be as sure as I can be that they are going to be as safe as they can be once they're out on their own is if I can be absolutely certain that I have always, always set the right example about road safety. And I am not daft enough to think that this guarantees their safety - I will just be damned if I have ever given them the idea that it's okay to take road risks. They do point it out if other people cross on red - I say that those people must be colour blind.

I even go so far as not to cross on red if other people's children are around!

Swipe left for the next trending thread