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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave DS alone in house while we go to pub?

332 replies

LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 20:57

Let me explain...

We are going on holiday with my parents and brother. We go every year and usually we camp but this year we're getting a house because DS 15months a bit young for camping (bad sleeper and noisy!). It's a tiny little village, v quiet, no crime ever as far as I know. The house has a garden, with a gate that leads onto road behind, where there is a pub.

Today my mum suggested that one night we could all go out together for a meal/drinks at the pub as it's so close we could take the baby monitor. The way things are positioned, it would be just like sitting out in the house garden, if the garden was a bit longer iyswim!

I'm not sure how I feel about this. She really sees no problem in it, we would obviously lock up the house, it would take barely a minute to get back if he woke (which he rarely does at that time), and anything untoward would be heard over the baby monitor. This all makes sense but a little thing in my mind is a bit [unsure emoticon]... I'm sure other nights we will stay in/BBQ, they will babysit so me and DH can go out, and we will stay in when they go out, but it would be nice to all go just one night.

It's not a big deal at all, she isn't going to get pissy or anything if we don't do it, but just wondering would you do it? Judge away

OP posts:
coll2010 · 30/05/2010 23:10

Bears??? Beers - should be in bed I think!

AnyFucker · 30/05/2010 23:10

sorry, LVAV, you gave the impression you were going to do it anyway and just making excuses as to why you weren't happy to do X, Y and Z

I think you have made the right decision, don't be pushed into doing something you are not 100% happy with

pigletmania · 30/05/2010 23:14

YABU I definitely would not, just not worth it, the McCanns did a similar thing and their child was taken. People are suggesting a babysiter so that it would be an adult in the house, in case anything were to happen and would put your mind at rest. Just do something indoors or take your baby. We went to Malta when dd was 17 months old and took her to the restaurant in the evening, we had a buggy that reclined flat and she slept in that, she is a light sleeper but a mixture of hot weather and lots of activity in the day tired her out.

larks35 · 30/05/2010 23:16

I wouldn't do this myself. I'd let DP and his folks enjoy themselves and stay at home with a book and maybe a glass or two of wine (enjoying myself!). I just know I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my DS alone in the house while I was down the pub, I would be stressed, constantly checking monitor and then panicking if I couldn't hear anything and that might been he's stopped breathing or been stolen!

Why does this night have to be so late that your DS is in bed? Can't you all have a meal earlier (7ish) and then you and your DH take it in turns to be with your DS once he's in bed? Seems mad to leave him alone when all the people who love him are just down the road. Make a rota with everyone or at least with you and your DH.

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 23:17

lol wine and bears

No anyfucker, I highly doubt I will, I wouldn't enjoy it anyway as I'd have the baby monitor pressed to my ear the whole time, be dashing back every 10 mins and be worrying about being reported! So not much point. Also you can guarantee that if I did, it'd be the one night he woke repeatedly/vomited/etc etc. Obviously, if something were to happen, I couldn't live with myself (let alone the headlines!)

I'm really not that desperate to go, I'd not go rather than get a babysitter/ do a complicated shift thing/ bring him with us. As I said in my OP, we'll get a night out anyway when g'parents babysit DS and they will too, which will all be lovely. TBH, I wouldn't be desperately bothered if I didn't get a night out anyway. Just, as my mum said, would be "nice" (nothing more) to all go together but on balance not worth it.

Just interested what the general consensus would be with regards to the issue (strongly suspected it would be as it was!)

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 30/05/2010 23:18

AS has already been said, it's not about waking up to a strange babysitter - it's more about having a responsible adult around to respond immediately to any problems.

I'd also have the babysitter round an hour earlier so she or he is not so strange. Not that it helps massively but it's better than nothing.

Northernlurker · 30/05/2010 23:18

Just as a side issue - I didn't know the Mccanns didn't lock the door. I'm quite surprised by that - is that a definate fact?

MintHumbug · 30/05/2010 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nellykats · 30/05/2010 23:19

You never leave a helpless baby alone in the house, ever. It's making me nervous just contemplating it. It's not your garden - it's a pub, just don't do it.

If your mum really wants to have a family get together, suggest two of your party take turns, for the first and second half of the night. That's what we did in a similar situation and had nothing to worry about.

LJBrownie · 30/05/2010 23:20

sorry to labout this but not sure what lessons should be learned here - it is not the same as the mccanns - i don't think LVAV is planning a trip to somewhere far down the road and way out of sight of the holiday home without any baby monitor.

i think there's as much chance of bears as a dodgy bogey man character watching your party to seize the opportunity to effect the kidnap.

i'm not saying i'd leave my baby but like you, LVAV, i question how logical people tend to be in their knee-jerk angry response to this and what the real issues actually are (if any). Having said that, there have been lots of pretty reasonable responses here where people have just said they personally would rather not leave their baby (without necessarily judging those who do) which seems fair enough.

MintHumbug · 30/05/2010 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PiscesLondon · 30/05/2010 23:23

it's not worth the risk.

their is no way on earth that i'd do it but then i'm a control freak/neurotic mother who's terrified of giving my 8 month old DD finger foods incase she chokes

anyway, you'll have a great time having drinks in the garden together.

scottishmummy · 30/05/2010 23:27

why cant mum come to yours and have food & drink

no i wouldnt do this

LJBrownie · 30/05/2010 23:28

fair point MH although there are a lot of references on this thread that suggest not everyone is in that camp of awareness regarding the irrelevance of the mccann case.

sounds like it'd be a lot less than 400m we're talking about here and, as already much discussed, no different from being at the end of the garden. but fair enough all that stuff could happen and it's all about individual perceptions of risk. as i said, not saying i'd do it but equally i wouldn't judge someone else cos, with my perception of risk, it just doesn't seem particularly risky or bad. and it definitely does not deserve reporting to the police as neglect.

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 23:30

Get a grip LJ- anything can happen when you are not in the house- anything, I could be here all night listing the weird and wonderful things that could cause harm to a child left unattended, but most people have the brain power to not need telling.

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 23:30

Agreed LJBrownie, I know the chances of somehting happening to him are extremely slim. We know the village well, my mum's been going her whole (almost 60 year old) life, my g'parents used to live there, and it is probably one of the safest places on earth. Of course there is the unlikely event of fire/gas leak/choking etc but if we were in the garden, this would be the same issue. You can see the back of the house from where we'd be sitting etc etc.

But you have to decide if you could live with the consequences if something did happen, and I probably couldn't. And understand why people wouldn't do it. Also understand why people would.

Don't mind being judged, it's what makes the world go round. Being an excellent, far superior to most kind of parent, I do plenty of judging myself

OP posts:
RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 23:32

What the Mcann case did was illustrate how stupid some parents really are, and how 'well we have minimised all risks' still doesnt mean nothing can possibly happen. Think we need a few s at this tbh

gomummygo · 30/05/2010 23:32

I would definitely not do it.

Many good reasons not to do it already said, but you probably don't even need them. Don't do anything re: your baby that you aren't 100% comfortable with.

pigletmania · 30/05/2010 23:33

Pisces I remember, any improvement in your dds platate eh he he. My dd is 3.2 and still occasionally chokes/gags as she sometimes shovells everthing into her mouth without chewing. If was took your approach she would still be on puree and soft carrots

Linziwam · 30/05/2010 23:34

Still don't really get why u can't still have a nice evening out together and take him with u. Seems much simpler to me than all the talk of one person staying in, or going out in shifts

MintHumbug · 30/05/2010 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 23:36

Febrile convulsions and aspirating on ones own vomit EVEN happens in quaint little villages you know...far more likely events than kidnappings (which equally happen in 'safe' places)

scottishmummy · 30/05/2010 23:36

to me McCann case illustrated some folk love to pick over and berate broken parents.the conspiracy theorists and vile ghoulish comments

regardless of what you think of what kate and gerry did, they dont know where there daughter is,nor do the other siblings

the people/person being singled out for vitriol should be the perpetrator not the parents

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 23:38

But it was their fault they left their children unattended- nobody elses, they learned the hard way they and their children are not invincible.

PiscesLondon · 30/05/2010 23:39

pigletmania - i am getting braver! she's had some pasta this week and some rice cakes. she's also had a baby biscuit thing and violently gagged were intervention was required - again!!!!

anyway, sorry to go off topic and make this post about me and my worries!