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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave DS alone in house while we go to pub?

332 replies

LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 20:57

Let me explain...

We are going on holiday with my parents and brother. We go every year and usually we camp but this year we're getting a house because DS 15months a bit young for camping (bad sleeper and noisy!). It's a tiny little village, v quiet, no crime ever as far as I know. The house has a garden, with a gate that leads onto road behind, where there is a pub.

Today my mum suggested that one night we could all go out together for a meal/drinks at the pub as it's so close we could take the baby monitor. The way things are positioned, it would be just like sitting out in the house garden, if the garden was a bit longer iyswim!

I'm not sure how I feel about this. She really sees no problem in it, we would obviously lock up the house, it would take barely a minute to get back if he woke (which he rarely does at that time), and anything untoward would be heard over the baby monitor. This all makes sense but a little thing in my mind is a bit [unsure emoticon]... I'm sure other nights we will stay in/BBQ, they will babysit so me and DH can go out, and we will stay in when they go out, but it would be nice to all go just one night.

It's not a big deal at all, she isn't going to get pissy or anything if we don't do it, but just wondering would you do it? Judge away

OP posts:
IsThatTheTime · 31/05/2010 17:36

All this talk of fires is driving me potty, if you're that bothered about keeping your children safe then get a flippin' smoke alarm, it's not expensive and it's not difficult. You cannot whine and moan about "what if they get kidnapped, what if there's a gas leak" and not take basic precautions like this. There could be a fire when you were in the house asleep and you would not know and your children could die.

This is completely separate from the going-to-the-pub thing and is really really basic.

posieparker · 31/05/2010 17:39

This was thirty years ago.

IsThatTheTime · 31/05/2010 17:41

Sorry I did not mean "if you're that bothered" as if there's a right level of botherment, I meant "if you are at all bothered". Hope that is clear (?! not at all convinced emoticon).

IsThatTheTime · 31/05/2010 17:42

Well of course it's very sad but it's not the same then is it? And it hasn't stopped lots of people on this thread harping on about "what if there's a fire", which was my main point, it seems to be everyone's top concern.

thesunshinesbrightly · 31/05/2010 17:47

Can't believe people actually think it's ok to leave a child alone.

IsThatTheTime · 31/05/2010 17:59

OK I am clearly in need of some parenting education here. What should I actually, specifically, realistically be fearing if I am just beyond the bottom of the garden with the baby monitor and my 15mo baby is sleeping in their cot in the locked house?

MumNWLondon · 31/05/2010 18:01

I might do it with a baby in a cot (who couldn't get out) but def not with an older child who could come downstairs and be alarmed you were not there.

Could you not just take him in his buggy - we used a shade a babe to make it dark and then take with.

wonderingwondering · 31/05/2010 18:08

There's a difference between sitting at the end of the garden, with an unlocked house, open door etc, to being off the property and a locked-up house.

I wouldn't do it. And baby monitors can pick up other baby monitors, so they are certainly not fail safe - if you are in the garden with the door open, you'd hear any really loud wails.

And my DS wasn't much older than 15 months when he suddenly developed the ability to climb out of his cot. First I knew of it was a thud and him standing at the top of the stairs!

thesunshinesbrightly · 31/05/2010 18:09

IsThatTheTime

Is it that much of a hassle to take your baby with you?

no way could i relax mind due saying that the thought to leave my child alone would never enter my head.

hairytriangle · 31/05/2010 18:09

Not only do I personally think it would be an extremely irresponsible thing to do, I think you know that by the fact that you are asking the question in the first place!

MaamRuby · 31/05/2010 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsThatTheTime · 31/05/2010 18:30

I'm not the OP, I'm just asking for some concrete reasons why the OP shouldn't do it (as they seem to have very sensibly chuffed off elsewhere). I clearly don't have half the imagination of most of the people on this board and am asking for some enlightenment.

Off for bath/bed now so not ignoring responses but will pick up later.

4madboys · 31/05/2010 18:39

at one point the op described the pub as being as close as a terraced house where the gardens back onto each other.

i live in a terrace house and am sat by the back patio doors, we have a reasonable sized back garden and so do the neighbours but i can still see into their windows from where i am sat. so if it was THAT close and i could sit outside the pub with the moniter and i would prob leave the bedroom window a bit open so i could hear the baby then i maybe would.

i am assuming that the babys room would be ont he same side as the pub iyswim?

obviously the house would have to have smoke alarms, carbon monoxide alarms etc.

i also leave my boys in bed and sit in the back garden and have occasionally sat in my next door neighbours garden, i could hear the boys if they woke either over moniter or because i leave the bedroom windows open a crack. but i would go and check every so often.

there is lots of emphasis on the fact that its a PUB she is thinking of going to what if it was simply a friends house over the back?

if she can get back and be with her son in lESS than a minute, then its really not that far away adn NOT comparable to the mc canns who were a good distance away, i think they timed it as a 4 min walk? and they did not have a moniter. btw i dont blame the mc canns at all, i think lots of people have done the same, they were hugely unfortunate and now have to live with that for the rest of their lives, without having vitriol spewed on them from people that dont even know them.

i am sure that some people who have had a drink and fallen asleep woudl take longer than a minute to respond to their crying child even if they were IN the house with them, is that bad parenting?

it is all about risk adn there is prob less risk involved in doing what the op describes than every time you travel by car.

thesunshinesbrightly · 31/05/2010 18:50

ok your not the op.

But why do people think this is ok your all fucking nuts you dont want to take your child with you or keep her safe.

keep your legs shut.

thesunshinesbrightly · 31/05/2010 18:55

him

RunawayWife · 31/05/2010 19:03

I would not do it.
Too many things could happen.

On the up side if you do it and your child is snatched you get to meet the pope and have your child's photo on a t-shirt worn by David Beckham

wonderingwondering · 31/05/2010 19:11

It's not so much the risk of a child being snatched (although that would play on my mind, rationally I know the risk of that is very, very low).

It is a question of being on hand to look after and care for your child.

So there's a difference, in terms of being physically (and mentally) present, if you are in the garden, as opposed to being 'out', so away from the place the child is, whatever the actual distance. The idea of locking your child in to the house while you pop next door/across the road just seems so peculiar to me - the point is not that that they will walk or be taken out, but that you are far enough away to warrant locking the door of the house they are in. And that seems wrong.

Fayrazzled · 31/05/2010 19:13

SGB is correct- I many parents are over-hysterical about this kind of thing. Everyone's child is at far greater risk every time they take them out in the car. Using a car seat/ safety belt minimises the risk but doesn't eliminate it. The OP would be minimising risk by leaving the baby in a cot, with a baby monitor on, in a house with working smoke alarms, a minute's walk away.

And whoever the poster was who has never left her 15 year old and 13 year old- that's ridiculous. Never leaving your (older) children does not make them safer- it makes them less safe when they are out in the big bad world by themselves, because they have so little experience of dealing with it. In 3 years' time your 18 year could be living away from home at university- will they have any idea at all how to look after themselves???

nappyaddict · 31/05/2010 19:19

I would probably do it.

I sit in the garden and don't check DS at all til I go to bed. Do the rest of you really run up and down the stairs every 15 minutes?

I have put him to bed in the hotel part of where I work and then gone to the pub which is in a seperate building.

I have put DS to bed and gone next door as well.

Fire and gas leaks can't be heard on a baby monitor but the alarms can be.

TeenageWildlife · 31/05/2010 19:26

£20.00 has got to be worth it. That should pay for a local, recommended baby sitter. That way you can relax and have a proper night out.

Harimo · 31/05/2010 19:28

Yes, Nappyaddict, I actually DO run up and down every 15 minutes or so... and that's me sitting in the lounge downstairs AND I have video monitors.

NEVER NEVER NEVER would I leave my kids in an environment without a responsible adult there with them, that (obviously) had gained my trust.

I'm NOT saying I never leave them - I always employ a babysitter if I'm going to be drinking, but NEVER leave your child alone.

End of.

NonnoMum · 31/05/2010 19:39

Please don't.

Am speaking as someone who suffered the indignity of a visit from the police as my DH left children in a car for 5 mins whilst he nipped into a shop to buy them a roll for breakfast, just don't.

Handing over your DCs doctor's details etc (to see if a follow up visit with SS was necessary) wasn't the best moment of my life...

lovechoc · 31/05/2010 19:41

Have drinks near where your baby is - not in a pub IMHO. Not a great idea. Is there not an off license in the village??

LittleWhiteWolf · 31/05/2010 19:42

For the sake of a drink in a pub with my family...no I would not leave my child home alone at that age.

I also wouldnt do it to nip to the shops 5 mins away or to a neighbours etc. A child that young needs someone there IMO for any reason. I'd be less concerned about fires etc and more worried (like I believe one poster said)that my 15 month old would wake, get out of bed and hurt themselves while I hurried back from the pub.

No, far as I'm concerned the risk is not worth it and I personally wouldnt have a good time anyway.

lovechoc · 31/05/2010 19:43

when we're on holiday we tend to bring alcohol back to the place we're staying at and that way we don't have to disturb DS sleeping.

Not a great fan of drinking in pubs with babies, but that's just my personal opinion.

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