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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave DS alone in house while we go to pub?

332 replies

LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 20:57

Let me explain...

We are going on holiday with my parents and brother. We go every year and usually we camp but this year we're getting a house because DS 15months a bit young for camping (bad sleeper and noisy!). It's a tiny little village, v quiet, no crime ever as far as I know. The house has a garden, with a gate that leads onto road behind, where there is a pub.

Today my mum suggested that one night we could all go out together for a meal/drinks at the pub as it's so close we could take the baby monitor. The way things are positioned, it would be just like sitting out in the house garden, if the garden was a bit longer iyswim!

I'm not sure how I feel about this. She really sees no problem in it, we would obviously lock up the house, it would take barely a minute to get back if he woke (which he rarely does at that time), and anything untoward would be heard over the baby monitor. This all makes sense but a little thing in my mind is a bit [unsure emoticon]... I'm sure other nights we will stay in/BBQ, they will babysit so me and DH can go out, and we will stay in when they go out, but it would be nice to all go just one night.

It's not a big deal at all, she isn't going to get pissy or anything if we don't do it, but just wondering would you do it? Judge away

OP posts:
Harimo · 31/05/2010 19:45

Fair point: Littlewhitewolf - who would be asking: IS it OK to pop to the shop while my DC is in a cot / playpen?

Of course, NO....

I know kids can be a pain in the bum on evenings out, but we're not exactly the first generation to ever discover that... I guess the vast majority of us DID know that we wouldn't be able to have the same carefree lifestlye we had before!!!

bodenbore · 31/05/2010 19:50

No way - not a chance. !5 month old - when if you really were desperate to go out you could pay for a responsible baby sitter. Unbelievable.

bodenbore · 31/05/2010 19:51

Also just how enjoyable would it be with a baby monitor glued to your ear?

undercovamutha · 31/05/2010 19:52

I wouldn't do it, but I haven't really got a valid reason why. I just wouldn't be comfortable and I wouldn't enjoy myself. If deep down you feel uncomfortable about it, then don't do it.

feralgirl · 31/05/2010 20:07

I don't really know why but I just wouldn't do it. Although I regularly sit in the garden during naps and in the evening, the idea of being in an entirely separate building from sleeping DS would bother me.

That said I have gone to pick up stuff from next door and always unload the car which is parked on the road while he's asleep (but never far enough to warrant locking the front door, not that I do that very often anyway!)

I'd also be worried that something might happen to me (a fire in the pub for eg) and I couldn't get back to him.

However DS is my PFB and I have a VERY over-active imagination...

IsThatTheTime · 31/05/2010 20:15

I'm finding this really interesting. Wonderingwondering, thanks for giving me the only concrete, unarguable, could-actually-happen reason I've seen not to leave them in this sort of situation. I completely understand "I just wouldn't be comfortable with it" and by and large I fall into that camp myself (although once my kids are in bed, they're in bed, I have a monitor downstairs, I check on them when I go to bed and, er, that's it).

The bit I don't get (and to be fair this is mostly yesterday's posters) is where people say they'd be calling in the authorities if they saw someone in a pub with a baby monitor, especially in light of the fact that specific safety reasons not to leave them are so thin on the ground. In this sort of situation, how and when does "I wouldn't feel comfortable with it" turn into "you should be locked up/have your kids taken away"?

IsThatTheTime · 31/05/2010 20:19

feralgirl I'm much more imaginative about what might happen to me (pub gets raided & everyone's locked in, slip in loo & knock self unconscious on sink, get into extremely unlikely fight and get self stabbed etc etc) than what might happen to my DCs at home.

lovechoc · 31/05/2010 20:19

But how can you possibly relax and have a drink in the pub with a baby monitor with you?? I know I couldn't. I'd be worrying whether DC was ok, and be up checking every 5 mins. Baby monitors aren't the same as physically checking on your baby. Anything could happen.

IMHO either take your baby with you as others suggested, or have a drink with your family in the house so at least you are nearby.

thesecondcoming · 31/05/2010 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wonderingwondering · 31/05/2010 20:22

I know cold hard logic tells me it will be OK and the chances of something happening are so low as to be almost negligible. But it's the need to have a carer there, caring, and the fact that there's enough theoretical risk (in general terms) to lock your door while you are out that means I'm just not comfortable with the idea of leaving a child in an empty house.

missmoopy · 31/05/2010 20:23

Sorry, makes me think of the McCanns.

feralgirl · 31/05/2010 20:27

Oh god IsThatTheTime, I hadn't even thought of any of those things! Now I definitely won't be leaving the house, ever again!

IsThatTheTime · 31/05/2010 20:34

thesecondcoming I totally agree about the holiday let thing (who's got access, who's maintaining it). I'm not trying to out-liberal anyone, I'm just shocked at some of the earlier hang-em-flog-em responses on this thread and would like to hear some justification for it, which you and wonderingwondering have given, so thank you.

In reality this doesn't make me think of the McCanns, AFAIK the situation is different in lots of ways, but it does put me in mind of that poor family in Corfu (was it?) who lost 2 kids cos of a faulty boiler leaking carbon monoxide. But there again, who takes carbon monoxide alarms to a holiday let? One I will think about this summer for sure...

frogetyfrog · 31/05/2010 20:36

Id never do it but then I never leave my dc in house alone. For me it is the risk that I may not beable to get home in the very unlikely circumstances of something happening. Also I would worry about gas leaks or fire. Smoke alarms in a rented property may not be well placed and even if batteries are changed regularly there is no guarantee they will go off and not be faulty. Baby monitors can be unreliable too - ours wouldnt work (or became very faint) at various places around our house and garden so we bought another type and it was exactly the same.

I just cant understand why so many people seem to want to leave their children - what does it matter if they go to the pub with you, or out for a meal etc etc.

By the way - we have a long garden and I never felt comfortable at the end of it if the children were not around (asleep or playing upstairs) as I like to be within hearing distance of house at all times and my youngest dd now 4!!!!

thesecondcoming · 31/05/2010 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyBiscuit · 31/05/2010 20:49

You all have a total inability to make informed assessments about risk. You run up the stairs every 15 mins? What the fuck for? Jesus wept.

Your children are asleep.

I would do this. And I go upstairs to the neighbours too for a few hours at a time. And I used to be in the garden for a few hours when my DC were still having daytime naps. And I vacuum and mow the lawn and do all sorts of noisy activities where I can't hear them cough. But that's because they're not tiny babies so are unlikely to expire.

Some of you are still going to be taking your DC on the school bus when they're 15 at the rate you're going

IsThatTheTime · 31/05/2010 20:52

LadyBiscuit this is about a holiday let, not your own house. I do exactly the same as you at home (in this respect anyway, I haven't checked out your other posts so don't want to get ahead of myself ) but not somewhere I don't know who's got keys or how the place has been looked after.

LadyBiscuit · 31/05/2010 21:11

I think the likelihood that anyone will want to go into the house and steal my child so small as to not be worth worrying about. The family here can see the house. They are in a pub garden facing the door of the house. Effectively in the back garden. I'm not going to stay in the house on a warm summer's evening on the very slim possibility there's a psycho who's going to steal my DC. FFS I'd never leave the house if I was that anxious.

As I always point out whenever there's a mummy-hysteria thread, your children are more likely to be run over than abducted from their beds. And how many of you give your chidren formal traffic training? If this is anything like last time I asked, it's bugger all.

It's much easier to convince yourself you're being a good parent being glued to the sofa rather than assessing the real risks to your children's health and actively doing something to minimise them. And until you all do that, I'm going to continue to rubbish your fears about leaving a building I'm afraid.

thesecondcoming · 31/05/2010 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herbietea · 31/05/2010 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LadyBiscuit · 31/05/2010 21:57

But if you are in the pub garden looking at the back door of the house, there is no reason why you couldn't leave the back door open is there? That's what I'd do. If I were sitting outside the pub and could see the house and the door, then it really wouldn't worry me at all. The chances of the house burning down without you noticing are really pretty small

ememum · 31/05/2010 22:03

The McCanns didn't have a baby monitor. Think it would be alright.

babywalks · 31/05/2010 22:07

I haven't had time to read the whole thread but what you are even contemplating is ridiculous.

You say it would be nice for you all to go out one night, yeah it would probably be lovely but you have a child to think about. Do you not realise how irresponsible it would be to leave a 10month old in a house alone? Whether you are popping next door or across the road to the pub, it doesn't matter, it's just a crazy thing to do.

Your mum probably thinks theres nothing wrong with this because things were different then.

How the hell are you going to hear the monitor in a busy pub?

LadyBiscuit - I doubt people will be taking their DC to the school bus when they're 15, I think maybe people just wouldn't risk the safety of their DC for a night in the pub.

LadyBiscuit · 31/05/2010 22:11

They are going to sit outside in the garden babywalks. And my monitor lights up anyway so I don't need to hear the noise, I can see it. If this were AIBU to sit in the garden while my DS is in the house, I hope the responses would be more measured. But then judging by the petrol station thread earlier today I'm not so sure...

Fayrazzled · 31/05/2010 22:12

That God for someone talking some sense,LadyBiscuit- bravo!