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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that being an escort is a valid career choice?

300 replies

whatkatydidathome · 26/05/2010 13:41

I have a friend who is 19, unqualified and attractive. She was a lap dancer but is now considering escort work. She has tried it a few times and appears able to earn £200 an hour working for what appears to be a reputable (well as reputable as you can get I suppose!) agency in London. I have been thinking about how I feel about this (and discussing it with dh) and can see why she is doing it and I sort of think that I do think that it is a valid career choice (as long as she sticks with the agency who provide back up etc).

OP posts:
ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 26/05/2010 15:07

If she was convicted of shop lifting at 15 then unless she received a prison sentence of over 6 months it would now be a spent conviction under the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act, so not something she'd have to mention when applying for shop work (and she could say she had no criminal convictions if asked). Care work with more tricky admittedly because it would show up on a CRB check.

gtamom · 26/05/2010 15:07

There are other, better choices. Wouldn't it be better to have a minimum wage job and have roommates to share rent than to be a hooker?
Lot's of woman (and men!) have had a rough go of it, and do not become hookers.
Doesn't a childhood shoplifting incident get erased or sealed shut, when a person becomes of age?
Why can't she further her education/training so she can find a real career or at least a job that will pay benefits?

EnvelopeDuvet · 26/05/2010 15:09

I personally think it's a valid career choice, if you want and really want to do it. I really think prostitution should be legalised and regulated/monitored. I hate it, but people sell other physical attributes legally - can't really compare but beaticians obviously do other physical things. Not all men who use prostitutes are dirty weirdos and I think it would be better all round if it was taken out of the underworld and from criminal control and made safe, because it's never going to just stop. Aside from the sex part, surely escorting is abit (just alittle bit) like working as a companion in a care home or something? Maybe I am naive.

BitOfFun · 26/05/2010 15:10

Oh well- if that's the case, then let's resign ourselves to the inevitable then. Nothing like a bit of dynamism and a glass-half-full outlook on life, eh? Funny how most 19 year olds manage when you think about it.

Convictions as a 15 year old don't generally need to be declared, btw.

LeninGrad · 26/05/2010 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WombFrootShoot · 26/05/2010 15:13

I might give up my crappy job right now and go and get a job as an escort.

I'm not young or attractive, but the OP seems to think that there's a market for the more mature lady, or maybe I could get in on the admin side (!)

Lauriefairycake · 26/05/2010 15:15

lol at 'aside from the sex part'

as if that's not the dealbreaker

She can get a normal job and get housing benefit or working tax credit to make up the difference to help pay her rent/council tax. That's how every other single person without children does it.

She doesn't have to make enough to cover rent - benefits will make up the difference.

jumpingjackhash · 26/05/2010 15:21

OP - you mention you have 3 children, would you be so understanding if one of them decided to turn tricks?

Original poster
whatkatydidathome · 26/05/2010 15:22

From what I have seen most other 19 yr olds have some suport form family - many still live at home. The convictions mean that she'd fail a CRB check (and also one may have been at 16 by the time she got convicted).
You can only get WTC if you can get a job. Also I'm not saying that this is her only option - it is not. It is a choice and I think that I agree with EnvelopeDuvet in that it should be legalised in some form and made safer.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatkatydidathome · 26/05/2010 15:24

No I am not the girl in question I can't see anyone paying me £200 an hour and it would not suit me personally - I just don't think that I would judge anyone else for doign it after thinking about it - the thinking being prompted by this girl's (friends daughter) desision.

OP posts:
WombFrootShoot · 26/05/2010 15:25

oh, so you're friends with the MOTHER who chucked her DD out at 16?

Lauriefairycake · 26/05/2010 15:29

Yes, she can get wtc if she gets a job.

Until then she will have to manage on JSA (about £55 quid a week) plus housing benefit will cover her rent/council tax. The job centre will help her into work with courses, applications etc.

It's not about judging her - its about thinking about different options for her - she's a very young woman ffs.

ZoopAZoopTroupe · 26/05/2010 15:30

No, it's not a valid 'career choice'. It's a very sad situation to be in, to be considering shagging randomers for cash.

Will your friend be 'high class'. Yeh, that's what they 6all^ say.

BritFish · 26/05/2010 15:35

yeah, shoplifting at 15 generally doesnt give you a proper record, just a caution.
its not a safe career, no. its definately not a long term job, and i really hope that she finds her calling in life eventually, and gets support soon, after all she is only 19.
personally, i think it would be a positive future if prostitution was legalised and cleaned up. its obviously not good, but the industry is always always always going to be there, if it was made safer for desperate young women or older ladies who genuinely enjoy the thrill of being an escort, then that could only be a positive step, as it will never stop happening.
i know a lot here would diagree with that, which is fine.

some people genuinely enjoy the thrill of sleeping with strangers and being paid for sex by the way. [not me personally, but if thats what you're into, a cleaned up industry could be a great career choice!]

SolidGoldBrass · 26/05/2010 15:40

If your friend is with a good agency they will look after her. There are people involved in sex work who are concerned about each other's well being and working to try ot make the business safer and less exploitative (ie an end to tracking and coercion).
I strongly recommend she reads this and maybe considers getting into contact with this lot.

I wouldn't really call it a career: burnout is common, however if you have the right attitude towards it, it's a viable income generatior in the short term. I would suggest she considers what she would like to do (probably in terms of setting up a business of her own) and regards the sex work as a means to fund this future for herslef.

However, there is nothing inherently wrong with exchanging sex for money if you choose to do it.

smallwhitecat · 26/05/2010 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
whatkatydidathome · 26/05/2010 16:03

Thank you SolidGoldBrass
Yes I am friends with her mother - friends from school - doesn't mean that I rate her parenting skills but her current dh did say that he was happy to take on her children and then change his mind and yes she could have then left him but that is easier said than done when you've been on your own for years. I'm not trying to excuse her parenting - I really struggle with it and we have often fallen out over it - but that is the way it is and she is.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatkatydidathome · 26/05/2010 16:29

She could invest in her mind but she is very attractive (v nice figure) but not that bright - not stupid - just not that bright.

OP posts:
LindenAvery · 26/05/2010 16:32

Your friend? (19 year old and you're 40)

Then she's your friend's daughter?

And your friend is ok with this? Or has she not discussed with her mother?

Mowgli1970 · 26/05/2010 16:37

I'm [shocked] that someone would consider this as a valid career option. A shoplifting conviction from 4 years ago shouldn't bar you from working as a till operator, teaching assistant, waitress, bar tender, care worker, cleaner, admin staff etc. Dress it up however you want, it's prostitution.

Original poster
whatkatydidathome · 26/05/2010 16:58

She is the 19 year old daughter of my 40ish friend.
Friend is okay with it (as is her daughter).
The shop lifting does (apparently) bar her from care work as she'd need an enhanced CRB check and has been told that she'd fail (as she'd be able to steal from vunerable people). Cleaning companies are also funny about shop lifting as cleaners are often alone on the premise.
A small supermarket opened near where she lives a few months back and they were queued around the block for interviews for jobs there.
In this day and age I'm quite surprised at how many people still see sex work as so shocking. I cannot see why it would not be better to legalise it and make it safe. The workign conditions as an escort are so much better than on the streets and most of the very real problems associated with the work stem from the conditions and lack of regulation, proper health checks etc.
Joining the forces is somehow okay but this is (a)dangerous and (b)can involve killing people (not all of whom are soilders). Why is that okay and actively pushed in schools in areas of high unemployment but escort work deemed too terrible simply because it involves two consenting adults coming to a financial arrangement over sex? (And is it really that different to being wined and dined?)

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 26/05/2010 16:58

shes a whore, hardly a career!

I have nothing against people that do it, but dont call it a career for fucks sake!

and I did work in , cough, exotic entertainment as a youngster so I am NOT biased

porcamiseria · 26/05/2010 17:00

what happens when a vile stinking man with BO and halitosis wants to come, anally fuck her and call her a "dirty bitch", or "mother"

I am sorry to be so crude but what the fuck is her mother condoning this for?

MillyR · 26/05/2010 17:04

I don't understand the OP's story. If this girl lives in a home town where there are no jobs available within travelling distance, how are all of her clients city types? Where do they work if there are no jobs within travelling distance?

itsmeitsmeolord · 26/05/2010 17:14

OP said she was with an agency in London millyr

I am with SGB in the sense that if it is an unbiased choice then that is fine.

I do think it is sad though (if this is true) that she went into it not out of an informed choice but because she was made homeless by her parents, clearly wasn't supported through education and then took this up because she felt it was the best option.