to think that being an escort is a valid career choice?

[whatkatydidathome]

I have a friend who is 19, unqualified and attractive. She was a lap dancer but is now considering escort work. She has tried it a few times and appears able to earn £200 an hour working for what appears to be a reputable (well as reputable as you can get I suppose!) agency in London. I have been thinking about how I feel about this (and discussing it with dh) and can see why she is doing it and I sort of think that I do think that it is a valid career choice (as long as she sticks with the agency who provide back up etc).

Oh yeah AF, I just want to be famous.

HEADLINE
"Mumsnet agree that prostitution is sick and should be banned"
by whatkadydidathome (Whatkatydid is a famous underwear company, I got some pants from there once)

WOMBFROOTSHOOT SAID "I object on "moral" grounds."

OnlyWantsOne would like to clarify that her opinions are not that of MumsNet, and should not be considored so.

very suss, whatkaty

the feel of your questions is as if you were researching

and your backstory on this girl and your relationship with her doesn't ring true

interesting discussion, though, if, as expected, rather depressing

"whether or not any woman can truely consent to work in the sex industry"

There might be. But not your friend. You make it sound like she has no choice.

doesn't matter if katy journo.mn is open forum anyone can post.posts are linkable and visible to public.so dont actually get what beef is about journalists.no one is compelled to post and should be aware posts can be copied and replicated,as happened with dm debacle and other newspapers lifting copy

I should imagine most escort work is evenings, so could she combine it with a college course? I don't personally have an issue with this. No, I wouldn't want my daughter to do it, but I wouldn't want her to work as a cleaner or bin person either, doesn't mean I have a problem with people who do this work.

As for the people who say she might have another conviction if she gets caught, the only form of prostitution she could be convicted for is soliciting, where she approaches people on the streets, or if she is operating from home and there is more than one person working, as this is technically a brothel.

And most agencies and clients insist on safe sex. As long as she doesn't fall into the trap of not having a plan B for when her looks fade, I wouldn't be a judgypants over it.

It is true so odd that it does not ring true. Maybe that is because any individuals life is always going to be very complicated so there will be loads of stuff that I have left out so lots of gaps
I don't think that she has no choice. I keep being accused of either claiming that she has "chosen" this option or claiming that "she has no choice" so am obviously coming across confusingly.
I think that this is because I am actually saying that
(i) she does (from my conversations with her) appear to have made a choice that many would not have made (ie to be an escort)
(ii) given the alternatives (low paid work/college course, high rents) I can see why she has made this choice and
(iii) I accept that she could have made an alernative choice and I accept that many 19 year olds do not make the choice that she has made but again I can see why she prefers to make loads of money doing escort work as opposed to hardly any money doing something else.

I think that we are coming back to the fact that many people appear to think that it is impossible that any woman would genuinely choose to be an escort irrespective of how much they could earn doing that and how much they could get doing an alternative job.

I think that I disagree with this and think that it is possibel for someone to weigh up the pros and cons and choose to work in the sex industry.

I also suspect that this is a fact of life i that if we somehow "fixed" society and made every woman's alternative choices more attractive then the price men would apy for sex would simply go up to compensate as I suspect that there are strong market forces at work here.

I also know someone that is on the books of an agency and will work when she needs to. She is at college to get qualifications that are impressive. she certainly has a brain.

But she is attractive, enjoys sex and needs the money.

It is not something I would encourage my daughter to do and I would do my best to dissuade her.
having said that, if i were single and attractive enough to earn any money from it, i would consider it if i needed to.

OK then

(i) OK - even though you know her background, and are aware that she has clearly not had a very stable childhood you feel that she has made an informed choice
(ii) You understand that a low paid job (which could lead to a higher earning/college course which could ensure a stable future - but which might mean living a fairly meagre lifestyle for a while, as most of us here did BTW) and high rents and living costs means that her only option for a "LIFESTYLE" is dependant on her making this choice
(iii) I like money and agree that money is brilliant.

"Market forces" should not apply to young women selling their bodies.

I don't "like money" - she does .
Do I detect an odd note in point (ii) WombsFrootShoot? It almosts sounds like you are saying that the fact that most people here lived a "meagre lifestyle for a while" is somehow relevant and that she "ought" to do this too simply because people here did - I feel that we are straying onto very iffy ethical ground here

" wish I could find the energy to fuck DP, let alone strangers...

HA HA hollow laugh

I'd be shit whore too!!!!

IF she does it I would hope she saves hard then does training for a role that does not involve sucking strangers dicks, but I have a horrible feeling she wont..sad

bloody Billy Piper

I'm not completely sure what I think. It is one of those areas when you just assume that you disagree with something (ie had someone asked me a few years ago I'd have just said that prostitution is bad) because you are brought up to believe that it is (a bit like people used to think that homosexuality was "obviously bad") and then something happens that makes you actually think about your beliefs and think about whether it is all bad. I had always associated prostitution with street girls and drugs. This has made me realise that it is not all like that.
Also I am interested in what other people think as she will have to deal with other people's opinions of her.

What?

Look, you and I will never agree, sweetcheeks.

I have to be honest with you, if a daughter of one of my best friends came to me and told me all of this;

If she told me that she'd been staying with 35 year old squaddies, because she felt she had nowhere else to go,

if I knew that everything had been unstable in her childhood,

If I knew that she had got into trouble for repeated shopliftting (who knew that the theft of a mascara at 15 could have sent me spiralling into prostitution? )

if I knew that her choices weren't just the army or Escorting (in her eyes)

If I wouldn't want this for my child?

I wouldn't be arguing with strangers on the internet. I would be doing my level best to ensure that she didn't take this route, whatever that course of action that entailed.

And I would be wringing my hands, not arguing that prostitution was a valid fucking choice; and I certainly wouldn't be considering the ethics of it.

But hey, maybe I'm old-fashioned/a harpie/ frigid

So what would you do WombF? Life is not that simple. We do not have the roomto put her up or the money to keep her in the style to which she appears to wish to become accustomed. I even rang the police at one point (when she was 15 and seeing the 35 year old). They refused to do anything unless she made a complaint (which of course she wouldn't) however much I screamed statutory rape down the phone at them. This is far from Christopher Robin's England

or researching an article...

I knew someone in a similar situation; she was completely without family, had had a truly terrible upbringing and had everything going against her. She didn't turn to prostitution. She got a job as a cleaner in a hospital, worked from 8am to midnight every day for a few years and got herself into an amazing university. She's now working as a successful journalist and making a name for herself.

This girl you know has similar choices. If she feels the shoplifting has narrowed her choices, what is working as a prostitute going to do for her? I'm sure the thought of so much money is tempting, but she is going to potentially ruin her life. Not least because I fear she will end up hating men, hating herself and potentially getting involved with drugs. What the hell is her life going to be in 15 years time?

You should be doing everything in your power to stop her. Choosing to sell your body for sex and being a high class escort is very different from being a damaged, lonely teenager and falling into prostitution, which it seems is what is happening here. I can't believe you'd think it is remotely ok.

This is depressing. What sort of 'friend' are you to this 'bit thick' girl, not even in her twenties. I bet she thinks she's being really 'grown up', she's justifying this 'career choice' to herself by the money it can supposedly make her and that will in turn boost her massive self esteem even more. Hey, she could get new boobs too and maybe some coloured contact lenses. Then when it hits home what she's being paid for she'll be able to afford a nice bottle or two of Lambrusco to cheer herself up. Start acting your age and give this girl some decent advice for goodness sake.

Ah,

Christopher Robin went down with Alice?

Life is never simple. Never.

I'm sure that you don't have the room or the inclination to take care of her in your own home, i understand that.

Good for you for making sure that she is with a safe agency that doesn't promote arse-fucking.

You are right, a 19 year old going into prostitution, in this case, is reasonable.

Her name is Belle and I claim my £5!

It all depends-I knew a lass a gfew years back who used to be paid by a guy to play cards naked and smoke cigarsnothig else -he would give £500 for an evening. My ex used to drive and sit and wait for her to finish. Once a week is not a bad income, but I guess those clients are few and far between.

As I asked before - what do you suggest that I do? I have talked to her again and again about career and life choices, she has been found and given (low paid) jobs and she has been found and put into flats and rooms. However she did not want to live in one room with second hand furniture and a low paid job. She wanted to buy new clothes, go out loads, have th elatest mobile phone, a car etc which there was no way she was goign to be able to afford for years. I don't actually think that she is a damaged, lonely teenager who has fallen into prostitution. She appears well aware of what she is doing and has simply pointed out (again and again) that she does not want to work for the minmum wage and is uninterested in any college courses and would rather do this.

To return briefly to the sex/death issue - leaving aside likelihood of woman in the armed forces being required to kill anyone (low - women still not allowed in front line regiments so really very unlikely to need to kill anyone), is going into sex work really a safer career choice? There are about 15,000 women in the armed forces as far as I am aware. Half a dozen or so have died in the last few years on operations. How does that ratio compare to prostitutes? Favourably I should think - I was under the impression that prostitutes were the most likely sector of society to die a violent death. I would also take into account the much lower likelihood of being on the receiving end of general physial violence from colleagues in the forces vs "customers". For what it is worth, the army would also pay, clothe, feed and house her while giving her the opportunity to rectify the omissions in her education so far, offering her the opportunity to leave in due course with some more options career wise. If you really are talking a straight choice between being in the armed forces and being a prostisute I would certainly go for the legal option myself...

(Caveat - I would rather my son didn't join up, but I enjoy it myself!)

So it's all right the more money the client throws around? Sordid.

yes yabu

So WombF do you suggest that I move her in with me and attempt to somehow provide her with the money to fund her lifestyle?
If someone can come up with a practical solution then I'm happy to try it . Her grandmother did try to give her money when she was living in teh connexions house but she got through a ridiculous amount.