to not want a male worker to take my daughter to the toilet?

[DebiDean]

Hi there,

My daughter wet herself in the nursery toilets yesterday, when I asked her about it at dinner she mentioned that it was a male worker who took her to the toilet. I spoke to a few friends about it who had different opinions about whether it was right or wrong (opinion was a 50/50 split!) and I decided that as I wasn't comfortable with the idea that I would contact the nursery and explain that I would rather a female worker take her to the toilet.

I was very clear with the nursery that I was supportive of having male role models within the nursery however I felt that to maintain my daughters dignity it would be more appropriate for a female worker to take her to the toilet.

I had a rather rude reply accusing me of being discriminative and that they would refuse to discriminate against him.

I was so shocked as I do support men working with children, but felt there should be limitations within that, or the nursery should at least consider my wishes (especially as it costs me £45 a day!!!).

Whats the opinion? Any ideas of what I could/should do?

Pigletmania- you live in fantasyland if you think that laws that prevent you taking pictures or video of kids in public are just there to annoy you. They are there because these things have happened several times.

We know we can't always protect our children all the time but we can play an active role in reducing the number of times they can be at risk.

They are only young for a short time, there is only a few years you need to be this vigilant in regard to these particular issues.

Their innocence is fragile and can take but one event to shatter it.

I'm not teaching shame but about listening to your feelings and behaving appropriately.

titchy - that's not pedantry, it's critically important to the issue.

Thanks you coalition

Jamiki - There are no laws that prevent you taking pictures or video of kids in public.

Jamiki - "They are only young for a short time, there is only a few years you need to be this vigilant in regard to these particular issues.

Their innocence is fragile and can take but one event to shatter it.

I'm not teaching shame but about listening to your feelings and behaving appropriately.
"

That's all true and appropriate. The gender of carers is irrelevant next to ensuring that there are approriate procedures in place for monitoring them.

Jamiki,if a paedophile takes pictures of my DC,how exactly does that harm my DC?
This is a genuine question by the way, I have often wondered about it as restrictions on photos etc have become more widespread.

Jamiki your using statistics which represent an entire population rather than in the specific area which is in question.

More males may be abusers Although most men are not so we should use the minority to determine the majority? also most cases involving abuse in nurseries are by females.

You keep using the 15:1 stat yet your not taking into account that the vast majority of them involve close people to the family either members or friends not strangers.

Any way the OP said it was more a question of her DD dignity than fear of abuse.

Pigletmania - If you'd read my posts properly you would have seen that I don't believe all men to be a risk, just that men are more a risk than women.

I imagine you view is clouded by the fact that your DCs spend time in care so you have little control over such things, so choose to be in denial.

I would rather be the child of a mother aware of the risks than of a mother who thought these things don't happen.

Going back to the OP, where is the dignity in wetting yourself?
Sorry but any person quickly changing your child is more dignified than traipsing the child around to another caregiver.

I'd be more worried about my child being with a lot of women than most men tbh. Just my experience but more women I've been around abuse children than men.

Jamiki that was a very nasty post to pigletmania.

"in care, so choose to be in denial."

"I would rather be the child of a mother aware of the risks than of a mother who thought these things don't happen. "

do you think thta we are all unaware of the risks ? i do not consider myself to be a mother who thinks these things don't happen.
you make us sound ignorant, unaware.
we do have some idea of things that happen, thank you.

Beenbeta - God, do you people actually read whats written or just the first two words and guess the rest.

I do not think all men are paedophiles, I do not feel any 'way about all men'.

I'm happily married and have an extended family populated with men and we all get along just fine.

I do however feel that I am within my rights as a parent of a minor to decide that I am uncomfortable with a man that neither I nor my child has met before touching her genitals.

Fortunately for me and my 'poor' children they are not in that position and when they are Yes, I would prefer that a woman deals with toileting but would not tear the house down if it wasn't possible.

It is just a preference.

I actually think its not that unreasonable to not want a male staff to take your DD to the toilet. It doesnt automatically mean you are accusing him to bea paedophile or anything. it's just a feeling some mom's might get.

of course females do things as well, but i think if as a mom your not comfortable then feel free to air your opinion and not feel pressurized that YABU. Often it's just maternal instinct that dictates your feelings towards children and the nursery should have respected her view. The male staff can take the other children whose parents do not object, but if Debbie doesn't feel comfortable, that should be respected by the nursery.

Am I still allowed to say that her sums are wrong?

Oh I just can't be bothered.

I think the OP is displaying a mild prejudice, not something I would choose to get over exited about. we all have them

Disagree with NidaJ. I think that if you hold a view, you have to have 'reasonable grounds'.

I think all gays should be shot. All black people should be called niggers and sent back to Africa.
Oh thats just my views. silly, i know, but its what i believe.

oh thats o.k. then ? if they are your views thats o.k. apart form the fatc that they are unbalanced, bigoted, insert-appropriate-word.

I know what I typed was a bit silly. But I'm just making the point. You can't make rash statements and then just say, but thats what i beleive. you can't do that.

coalition, yes me too. sorry about last silly post. should leave now. can't be bothered anymore.

pogleswood, you asked about photgraphs.....photos of children in ordinary settings can find there way on to the internet and are used to create pseudo photgraphs in pornographic poses. That is why people have a paranoia about strangers taking photos of their children and it is often confused with relatives taking innocent photos in the park

Not all men a pedophiles
Not all mothers are loving
Not all young boys with hoodies are going to mug you
Not all white van drivers are fuckwits.
Not all teenage mothers are benefit scrounging low lives

You can not tar everyone with the same brush because of a few.

Yes most pedophiles are male, but not every male is a pedophile

Runawaywife - are you sure about white van drivers??? Really???!

Pogleswood - quite often at the swimming pools I see mothers changing young children out of their bathers and into their clothes poolside rather than in the changerooms.

While I don't know what paedophiles film, I'm pretty sure that snapshots of naked children are high on their list (not being facetious).

Should footage of your naked child be captured and posted on the internet on god knows what sites, that becomes public property for the next 50, 60, 100 years or whatever.