The OFFICIAL buddy bench/naughty bench thread

[ApocalypseCheese]

Come hither all those who havent found their place on mumsnet, have scrapped in Aibu or crossed words in chat. The buddy bench shalt not judge.

The buddy bench will hand out wine and cakes, it will join you on your scoffathons getting pissed

All those who enter will have their sins erased and be given a warm welcome and cheerful chat from me, fucker, hairy, gomummy, tired mum and far, far too many more to mention.

Welcome to the buddy bench, we look forward to meeting you all

Oh and don't forget, last one to leave polishes bench and locks up !

hmm cocktails

My lovely neighbour has potted my baskets up for me today with his plants

So i watered both our front gardens

and now its about to rain...

Should of listened to Mumbar!

Lol Mojo maybe she knew something we didnt.

AF you always know how to give me a good giggle

AnyFucker, you bronze goddess. I would have to put on powder to dull my colour to a beetroot shade...

Oh yes Tiredmum, the fans are lovely! I am awaiting these storms, if I water the gardens I fear I will be melting...

Baileys on ice would be sooo delicious...

Hello

I could only find the kids factor 50 so I am still the same colour as I was last week lol!

Anyfucker!

Ah YoMoJo but at least you probably don't yelp every time someone touches you! Doesn't matter what I wear, I go from snowball to lobster in about 45 minutes it seems!

Hi Sleepy!

My dad is like that - its the Irish blood. My Mum looks at the sun & becomes a golden bronzette!

I am a mixture of the two - top half that browns but legs that glow in the dark no matter how much i get them out! lol

Gomummygo try aloe vera. My sister had radiation therapy & that was what was reccomended for her "burns"

What's your secret AF?

sorry - how rude

Hello Sleepy

dunno, yo

genes, I guess

like my bloody varicose veins < grr >

Thanks YoMoJo, will do that! (Oh and you're right about the Irish blood!) Have tried most of the "after-sun" products to no avail.

soft southern jessies the lot of you, with your sunburn and you're melting in the heat! My end of the bench reaches to the far north of Scotland where the forecast tonight os for 0c, yep that's right, farking freezing! Speaking of cockney lingo (which noone was for a while, but I was drilling holes in wall in wrong place putting shelves up) I'm going to see Jessie Wallace in the Vagina Monologues next month. Beyond excited!

I'm a beautiful bronzed, erm, cherub? I don't have the stature for a goddess (and I'm too curvy). Mine, though, was delivered via a spray gun on Friday afternoon

hello hello

Ello florence, buddy bench topics tonite seem to be bathrooms and tan lines !! Find yourself a seat and........... Welcome to the buddy bench !

hiya belle

cheating is more sensible

Alright! Alright! I'm here!

Fab opening Cheesy,

Welcome back AF!

Hello to all the, err, newbies (hehehe I am sooo smirking, never in my life did I think I'd ever say that on here! Gomummy please change planning permission to an arena)

Don't you be worrying about my big head TM, the day I am popular is the day I have to leave the bench!

it's kinda nice to know you can go off-radar for a few days, but there is still room on the buddy bench

Oooooooohhhhhhhhh, am I popular too

Hairy,you must never leave the bench.

And hi fucker

bathrooms are the bain of my life, at the moment. Hope fitting goes smoothly Cheese, i will try to lend some moral support, (Can i ask how S is after run in with feathered friend?)

I have tan and no sunburn

OOOOH tan lines - well a nanosecond in the sun and I am bright red and lobsterlike, 2 days later I am white - not something I lose sleep over lol. CBA with faking it either.

Ah but AF, despite your reluctance you are revered on the Bench. And that's it. End of.

And I meant no tan

Okay here y'are ladies . . .

If you're feeling sad and blue.
If you've also been "yabu" (yabooo!)
Please don't be downbeat.
Just come and take a seat.

Everyone is welcome.
Regardless of the outcome.
We will never judge.
We will even give you fudge. (oh ffs!)

Because this is the Buddy Bench.
So even if you're French.
Or you have a rotten stench.
Or you're a cheeky little wench. (not aimed at you CHEEKY!)

Just bring yourself along,
GoMummy will do a song,
TM will give you cake,
Junglist will say "for fucks sake",

Hairy, Cheesy and Cheeky too,
Will also welcome you,
If I've missed somebody out,
You can start a Thread about. (It!)

(should I change fudge to grudge? never occured to me in the wee hours, D'oh!)

that is very kind, HE

this is my spiritual home

especially since it seems I am seriously pissing someone off on another thread...

oh where, where?