to not be willing to leave behind my newborn for my friends 'no children' wedding.

[alannabanana]

so this wedding is taking place in august by which time i will have a roughly 8wk old newborn. i already have a 17 month DS for whom childcare has been arranged, but i have always said that leaving the newbie will not be feasible as i will be breastfeeding (boobies willing!), and to be honest the venue is a bit of a drive and i would not be able to enjoy myself knowing i had left such a young dependent baby with someone else. (i should say at this juncture that the very kind friend in question who would be taking care of DS and the new baby has v little experience of babies but great with toddlers, and ordinarily i would only trust my mum with the baby but she, and indeed my ENTIRE family, will be on holiday at the time of the wedding.)
i stipulated all this months ago to our supposedly close friends - the bride and groom - especially the part about my family being away and DH's family not being an option because they live nowhere near us, and they seemed ok with us having to bring the newbie, but have just received a phone call tonight saying that actually no children means NO children, even tiny babies. now, DH is actually more upset about this than me as the groom is one of his oldest and closest friends - i am of the opinion that if they don't get that you can't just leave an 8wk old baby willy nilly then theres nothing i can do to convince them - but poor DH is actually quite hurt that his mate has effectively withdrawn our invitation to his wedding, and i think he's well within his rights to be hurt, and a bit cross. is this unreasonable you think? im hoping that this doesnt spell the end of our friendship with them but it is disappointing.

it's a bit of a delicate situation isn't it.
they probably think they are right and i think you are right to feel hurt and upset.

i am guessing they don't have children of their own.
i don't think you are being unreasonable considering they said it was ok in the first place. their opinion is one thing but they have changed their mind which leaves you with no choice really. you won't have fun if you go not only because your baby won't be with you but because things have now changed between your friends and you. unless you have a good talk before the wedding it sounds like you might resent them.

i know that a wedding is a stressful thing and you want things your way etc. BUT if they want you to be there then surely then can understand you can't leave your newborn baby.
also i don't know what the no children rule is for. i mean they would go to bed quite early anyway and a wedding is to be enjoyed by everyone surely.

i think i could go on about this for a while!
i hope you sort things out.
i think that the day they have children they might look back on this with a different view
take care

A friend of mine had exactly this situation when good friends of theirs got married and her LO was six weeks old. They handled it by taking the baby to the ceremony but leaving it outside with a good friend - disaster as the baby howled, my friend panicked, the friends getting married got very stroppy and everyone's day was spoiled. It was awful and ended up creating a lot of bad feeling on both sides. The frostiness only really started thawing after a couple of years of rumbling resentment and left a very bad taste in everyone's mouth.

Go with the advice the sensible people on here are giving - be calm and rational and explain why you can't come in basic language, and try not to let your emotions lead your response. When they have a baby it will all come clear to them and they'll probably come and apologise for not getting it.

Most people I know that have had child free weddings have made an exception for babies under 6 months.

Alanna i posted previously and took the view that it's their wedding their choice for it to be a child-free event.

I had a child free wedding myself but i do think it's unreasonable of them to mess you around like this. We let everyone know from the beginning that it was a child-free event and i think it was very silly of them to tell you one thing and then go back on it.

We did that nappyaddict - well, not exactly a hard and fast rule as there were some kids at our wedding, but some people rang me and asked if they could bring their babies or toddlers if they couldn't find childcare, and I said yes of course.

And at the time I was a clueless mother-to-be.

mrsSmurf - did any of your friends or family have babies though? If so how old?