to not be willing to leave behind my newborn for my friends 'no children' wedding.

[alannabanana]

so this wedding is taking place in august by which time i will have a roughly 8wk old newborn. i already have a 17 month DS for whom childcare has been arranged, but i have always said that leaving the newbie will not be feasible as i will be breastfeeding (boobies willing!), and to be honest the venue is a bit of a drive and i would not be able to enjoy myself knowing i had left such a young dependent baby with someone else. (i should say at this juncture that the very kind friend in question who would be taking care of DS and the new baby has v little experience of babies but great with toddlers, and ordinarily i would only trust my mum with the baby but she, and indeed my ENTIRE family, will be on holiday at the time of the wedding.)
i stipulated all this months ago to our supposedly close friends - the bride and groom - especially the part about my family being away and DH's family not being an option because they live nowhere near us, and they seemed ok with us having to bring the newbie, but have just received a phone call tonight saying that actually no children means NO children, even tiny babies. now, DH is actually more upset about this than me as the groom is one of his oldest and closest friends - i am of the opinion that if they don't get that you can't just leave an 8wk old baby willy nilly then theres nothing i can do to convince them - but poor DH is actually quite hurt that his mate has effectively withdrawn our invitation to his wedding, and i think he's well within his rights to be hurt, and a bit cross. is this unreasonable you think? im hoping that this doesnt spell the end of our friendship with them but it is disappointing.

I've missed a few weddings and let my DH go on his own because I didn't want to leave my toddler and he wasn't invited - but I don't resent that as I COULD have left him (just about) if I'd wanted to enough. But with a baby you obviously have no choice and they are being clueless and ridiculous.

If your husband really wants to go, maybe he could explain that you can't go without the baby, and ask why not, just in case it's a problem you could solve? For eg, some people don't like babies crying in the ceremony - so you could offer to just miss the ceremony, which is a very small part of the day.

He could also try to explain that babies are a totally different proposition from older children so that if they are trying to be consistent to avoid riling people, they can have a babies-only rule.

i haven't read through all the pages but i think YABalittlebitU, its their wedding their choice to have no children, respect it or don't go. it just happened that you will have a newborn, not their problem really...

we've turned down a few child free weddings because we were uncomfortable leaving our dc with childcare, in hindsight once they are older and we can do it, i would welcome going to a child free wedding and reception and having a great time, child free!

maybe your dh can go on his own?

OP has said her DH won't go now as they have effectively withdrawn their invite after orginally saying the newborn could go.

oh dear...

our newborn = our miracle = not theirs, hard to stomach sometimes but true.

i'm still getting used to saying "no siblings" to dc parties, i feel for the wedding couple! just can't please everyone i'm afraid at any social event!

Well, I am one of those people who would turn up with her infant, to celebrate with Dh's friend. I would attend the church / ceremony, and then I would bugger off to have a lovely evening with my DH - leaving Bridzilla to her Chitty chitty bang bang Childfree big day.

I can't believe that people actually think that it's OK to be exclusionary and obnoxious about breastfeeding newborn infants at a wedding. It's not like the hotel will charge for them, or they will be pulling tablecloths down etc.

OK I get the child free thing at the reception if you want to let your hair down and get drunk or whatever- as hotels are notoriously mean about child menus and extortionate, and kids tend to fade a bit, but to ban a breastfeeding infant is beyond belief.

It's a wedding, it's not an excuse to be an twat.

FWIW I rented a suite for all the kids and arranged a sitter with lots of games etc when I got married.. but then I'm not in the UK, so maybe we are more welcoming and tolerant of people and their complicated messy lives - what? Children, the cheek!?

LOL Tittybangbang

Umm not inviting children does not mean she is acting like bridezilla!

From what I have read the op's friends are not being obnoxious towards her, it's not their problem is it really?

If they change the rule for one then thats going to upset lots more people.

I think the people who turn up with kids when its been requested no children attend are the twats if anyone...

i agree - if it says no children - dont take them, if you do your a twat.

however, if you have a wedding so precious that you can't stand a baby crying whilst your having your first dance, then your a twat

We did have children at our wedding it would be a bit strange if we didn't (I was a nanny). Their was a tiny eight week baby I didn't notice that she was their until I saw her day carry the carseat out at the end of the day. She didn't cry at all that I herd. I think a bf small baby is no trouble at a wedding.

Oooh a risk posting. I see 15 pages.

It sounds to me like they've been asked the question: "does no children really mean no children" one too many times. and they've lost it and sort of taken it out on you.

Just politely decline.

I don't think it's being precious about the wedding.

Although the 8wk old baby might not be any trouble other children might be, and it doesn't work to have one rule for one and not for another.

yanbu

i'm amazed they don't welcome the tiny baby. have they met the baby? are they involved at all - aren't they absolutely delighted????

I think a breastfeeding infant isn't a child, it's a dependant infant - not in the same category as a toddler or a child. The Op has arranged childcare for their toddler.

Churches are open to all if I remember, so it's no problem to go to the ceremony and celebrate and be a witness of the wedding itself with her Dh's friend. The groom might want her DH there, to support him in a day gone mad. if the infant kicks up, she can take it outside, or stick it on the boob - or is that not allowed either?

After that, it depends on how brazen a hussy she is!

I think it would be perfectly reasonable (basic decency, in fact) to at least have an exception for babes-in-arms.

But then I don't understand all this "their Day" shit anyway. It's an event to which people are travelling at their own expense to share in your joy. You need to treat them as guests, not bit players in some tawdry little show you are putting on so that you can ponce over the photos later

hear hear Greensleeves.

If you turn up with a child when it says no children you're a selfish precious presumptuous self important idiot.

If this happened to me we'd no longer be friends and i don't get easily pissed off or bear grudges. You may love and adore your children but believe me a hell of a lot of other people find them irritating and inhibiting.

our wedding day was our day thankyou very much! we forked out a fair amount of cash for it, we treated 120 people to a sit down meal with music afterwards and a chocolate fountain and a fair amount of free booze. We had it in the city centre rather than some mansion in the middle of nowhere (although this is ok too!). We were good hosts but ultimately it was OUR DAY to which children were not invited.

It is their day though and they have invited op as their guest. As for the expense and travelling to go to a wedding crap, don't go nobody forces you to.

Oh Greensleeves couldn't have put it better myself....and that's why I absolutely hate these kind of weddings.

I know people want a classier type of do (and the people that use the word classy and "sit down" with reverence always remind me of Katy Price) at the expense of kids, but I just wouldn't want a part of a wedding where a bride is stopping an 8 week old baby.

I always find an excuse to bow out of the whole parade. We have a similar one this year where over half the groom's friends aren't attending due to the 42 year old Bridezilla wanting to be centre of attention.

I only hope looking through the albums and videos every Saturday night for the rest of their lives together will sustain their relationship as this seems to be what their lives revolve around.

I'm looking forward to saving the babysitting, outfit, gift, hotel and drinks money and spending it on a summer holiday.

minxofmancunia
with your choice of words and attitude I'm surprized you have any friends at all!

In my case, we allowed the tiny infant, but I don't think anyone should try to make a point by taking a child when they have specifically been asked not to. What is wrong with just declining the invitation? Or is it OK to be a Mumzilla?
In this case it's a bit different because Op and DH have sort of been uninvited.

Do you want people like this as part of your world?! o.k that was a bit hard but honestly, how can anybody be so arrogent.
please don't consider leavin your newborn to go to their ideal wedding day!Awful.

Leave the baby and then start pumping breastmilk during the speeches?

Oh before anyone starts I AM JOKING!

... or maybe just wear a really pale dress and sit there LEAKING...

sorry just being flippant, but rofl at fire's comment!

well minxofmancunia if you insisted on separating parents from their young babies just because it was Your Day and you didn't want children, then you were a lousy host IMO.