to think if my dc doesn't want to be friends with your dc please don't force the issue.

[kolacubes]

My ds (5) has a group of friends that all get on really well with. They went to pre school together, and are now in the same class at school.

Now another child who ds went to pre school with is in another class at same school. This child would follow my son round at pre school and at any parties etc. And one day at a party my ds asked this boy to stop following him he worded it polietly for a 3 year old 'Please stop coming after me'. This child's dad said why - and my ds said 'Because he bores me.' I was embarrassed but thought well can't argue with his honesty. Anyway this child carried on following my ds around.

Anyway to the present day - the other child's parents are asking the teacher's to pair my child with their child, to move their child into the same class as mine so the 'friendship can develop', and keep asking for play dates, which I politely decline.

The teacher has now asked what I want to do, and I said to the teacher 'I leave the decision making up to you, but my child isn't wanting a friendship with them at all'.

AIBU to want to say to this mother please leave my dc alone? Or do I stay out of it as I currently have, although I feel with the pushing the other mother is doing, that I need to help my dc?

I think there's an awful lot of talk here about what the OP's son thinks of Boy X.

Children are notoriously fickle. Perhaps Boy X was flavour of the month at one point, now he bores the OP's son. Might all switch around next month. I wouldn't be reading so much into it.

Schools do try to support children with poorer interaction skills by pairing them with more socially able peers. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.. but no one really 'enforces' a friendship. Unless the OP's son is categorically uncomfortable/miserable in the company of Boy X (which I believe it was said he wasn't, he is indifferent) then it won't kill him to learn how to do 'the social fake'. We all have to learn to be polite and civil to people who bore us and, well, if the OP's son really dislikes the other child he will be able to break the friendship without any adult intervention whatsoever.

I hate the word and concept of 'playdates'.

For 3 years my ds has been civil, and plays group games with this child. My point is that now after 3 years of my ds not becoming close friends with this lad - whether now by the boy's request or the parents reasons (which I have no idea what they would be) they have decided to take matters to the school to force the situation.

Your son doesnt sound as lovely as you are making him out to be tbh. A three year old telling another child they 'bore them' is just plain rude/mean and id be embarrased if it was my child.

Just let them to it like the op says, there should not be any adult intervention in trying to forge a friendship.

YANBU It's not mean for a child to choose it's own friends as long as he is polite and friendly to this child.
After all how many of us would force ourselves to invite mothers we don't want to be friends with for coffee? So why should we encourage our children into fake relationships?

RedRedWine1980 I'm not saying he's lovely, although he is to me, but he can't be awful in other people's eyes if they are forcing a friendship with him. If he's so awful, I think I would be posting here, why won't this boy play with my child.

I have no issue with the other child's behaviour, nor their interaction with playing games in the playground.

I do have issue with the other mother interferring.

Thank you piglet and diary.

School is somewhere you have to be, and you have to be amongst people you dont like very much/clash with. Still what harm does being civil to these people do? None at all. If you were at work you wouldn't tell people they bore you if they came into the staff room the same time you went for lunch, why? because its damn rude. Start them as you would like them to go on imo.

Red The child told the father he bored him after the father questioned him, before that he was polite. He was 3 FGS!

Completely agree with RedRedWine. Very rude to tell another child that he bores him.

three or not its just not something i'd accept from my child. I wouldn't force a friendship but I would expect my child to be polite and not deliberatley exclude another child in instances where they ARE in each others company.

RedRedWine1980 he was being followed around, I mean closely followed around, he said please stop following me, which I think any adult would of done, but he was 3 years old. The father asked why? he answered the question. Yes now that his speech is more developed and he is the ripe old age of 5, his answer may well of been 'i'm trying to see what is going on and he is in my personal space, and I would like him to take a step back.' But no he was 3 so he answered the father in as few as words as he could.

Thanks once again MadamDeathStare Glad I'm typing what I think I'm typing.

Exactly Thediaryof, in the adult world we would not be friends with people we did not want to be friends with so why different with children! As long as the ops son is polite and couteous to this other boy, calling him boring was not really and the op should have corrected him. Why should it be up to the ops ds be responsible for this boy, the teacher should be helping and working with him and his parents on the pastoreal side. It should be left up to the children to forge their own friendships.

Everyone is going 'aww but the OP's son was only 3...' whilst making out the other three year old is some kind of sociopath, for goodness sakes get a grip, some children crave affection from others and it manifests by them 'following' children they admire- why make them feel any more insecure by basically telling them to bugger off, they are not wanted?

You're so right, Red.

I think people are forgetting how young these kids are. They do not have the cognitive development to understand some of the social skills being suggested such as doing a "social fake". They are all very young. And I think you need to drop the horror of a three year old saying he was bored by the other kid. He was three, his mother said his name as a reprimand - let it go.

OP I think you and your son sound like you have been perfectly nice and polite. You can not force friendships and a forced playdate rarely works out well. I think your instincts are right, to leave this up to the school. I would maybe explain your concerns to the teacher and then leave it up to them.

The kids will ultimately sort it out for themselves.

This thread is surreal.

I said making out Madamdeathstare- try reading what ive posted cheers!

I'm not seeing it as the other boy is a sociopath, unfortunately some of the posts are confirming my fears that the parents may be.

The other parents are the one approaching the school to engineer a more developed/intense friendship. The children greet each other with a cheery hello each morning going into their classrooms, they play as a group together, my ds has no desire for this child to be placed next to him, I don't know for definite if the other child wants to sit next to my child, but I do know his parents are very keen for them to be next to each other, and paired up.