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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave DH and the kids for 3 weeks for the chance to work abroad this summer.

144 replies

Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 20:10

Here's the situation.
DH works from home but is mainly a SAHD.
I work full time.
This situation was forced through redundancy, and we get by although it's not ideal.
The kids are 5 and 3.
I got a call last night offering me the opportunity to work for a charity sports team for 3 weeks.
It looks like my work are ok with me using annual leave and a week of unpaid leave.

So AIBU to go, leaving DH with the kids for a whole 3 weeks?

So far in RL coments have included..oh your poor DH, you don't deserve him, and he's too good to you.

Would it be really awful of me to go?
We can't afford for them to come along too.
I wouldn't be using up all of my annual leave allowance, just some.

WWYD? AIBU?

OP posts:
Needanewname · 14/05/2010 20:12

I have to say I think you are being a bit unreasonable, however I don;t knwo you or your family and the situration.

If the tables were turned and it was your DH wanting to go, how would you feel?

diddl · 14/05/2010 20:15

I´m not sure I´d be happy with my husband using all his leave-and some unpaid-for himself & leaving nothing for the family iyswim.

Wineonafridaynight · 14/05/2010 20:15

No. I think it is a great opportunity. Go for it!

DH will cope as will the children. Will you have any time off when you are out there? Could DH and children come out for maybe a week?

Nancy66 · 14/05/2010 20:15

I think you're being unreasonable - and, be honest, wouldn't you be pissed off if the tables were turned?

tribpot · 14/05/2010 20:16

It's not clear why you would want to do it.

thisisyesterday · 14/05/2010 20:19

well, i wouldn't because

a) i would miss my children too much
and b) it wouldn't be fair on dp. I wouldn't like it if he did it

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 20:20

It's not all of my leave, by having a week of unpaid leave then i will still have plenty left over for some time with the family properly. We wouldn't be able to afford a family holiday abroad. More likely camping or a festival for us at the moment.

If it was him, i'd really want him to take the opportunity. It's the sort of thing we would both have done pre children. Sometimes i wish we could be more like we used to be in that respect.

I suppose i better mention that DH is in support of me going. but other people's comments have made me think that maybe it's just not the done thing.

Did i mention how good it would be for my CV?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 14/05/2010 20:20

and you wo n't even be paid for one week of it either

actually it does also depend on why you want to do it
if it's something you'e always longed to do, then i guess it starts to become more reasonable. but if you just fancy 3 weeks away then no

TheCrackFox · 14/05/2010 20:21

Are you getting paid for this work? If so I would do it but if it is a voluntary thing then I wouldn't.

Needanewname · 14/05/2010 20:23

If it something your DH supports then go for it, just remember that he will probably need a break from the children on your return and time to let his hair down!!

Why worry what a bunch of strangers on here think?

bumpsoon · 14/05/2010 20:23

Nah! youre not being the least bit unreasonable ,would your DH be online checking out peoples opinions if it was the other way round ? i very much doubt it . I imagine you are over 30 ,and as we all know time speeds up after this particular milestone ,so look at it as only really a week and a half away and its hardly as though you are going away on some alcohol fuelled girls holiday ,its work for gods sake .I say go for it

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 20:26

the reasons for doing it would be for the opportunity of working with a sports team, an area of work i'm trying to get into. it would more than likely open up more opportunities. ti would provide me with experience and photos for my own private practise website etc the particular sport is a sport i also do and enjoy.
all travel, accommodation, meals, and paid for and i would get a small amount of spending money £20 per day.

and yes, it would be great fun, community atmosphere of achieving their goal, a lovely break from my usual job.

and i don't know if 3 weeks away from the kids will be too hard, i've never been away from them for more than a few days.

OP posts:
parakeet · 14/05/2010 20:26

I'd miss my children too much. And I know they'd miss me too much, too.

diddl · 14/05/2010 20:26

TBH I wouldn´t have left mine for 3wks at that age & neither would my husband.

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 20:28

it would be quite physical work and involved early mornings and working into the evenings. so potentially quite hard work.

OP posts:
NoahAndTheWhale · 14/05/2010 20:30

I would say to go for it. My DH is a magistrate which is done mostly using his annual leave and in some ways I would rather he went and did something more "interesting".

3 weeks is a while - would your DH get time to himself? Do you have other support who could give him a bit of a break? What has your DH said to this?

Would he need to do work while you are away - what would happen then? And how far away will you be?

NoahAndTheWhale · 14/05/2010 20:31

How much would the one week unpaid affect you financially?

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 20:31

Why worry what a bunch of strangers on here think?
Because i want to know what the people i know i RL will be thinking but not saying. DH says i should be prepared for some serious judging.

OP posts:
bumpsoon · 14/05/2010 20:31

perhaps you should just give up work op ,as a MOTHER ,you are clearly unfit to be even considering this , tsk thinking about furthering your career ,how very dare you ,off you go now and rustle us all up a nice breast milk rice pudding ,barefoot and naked and could you just sweep the floor with the broom handily inserted in your backside while your at it

itsmeitsmeolord · 14/05/2010 20:32

Do it. I have worked away before and it was worth it.
Tough going but worth it.

I will be flamed, but when dd was around 14 months ish, I spent three months working away monday to friday. I was a single parent at the time.

DD doesn't remember a thing and it has not affected her.

At three and five I don't think three weeks will have a lasting effect.

upahill · 14/05/2010 20:33

I would. I have been on a treking trip for 4 weeks when DS1 was 5 and DS2 was 2. Admittedly I used 4 weeks of my leave and it cost nearly £3,000 but I still had the best part of 4 weeks leave left to go on holiday with the family.

It is no different than husbands working away from home.

Casmama · 14/05/2010 20:34

If the week unpaid is not going to affect you unduly and your husband is happy for you to go and you think you could cope without seeing your kids for that long then go.
Tell anyone else to mind their own business. I would be wary of dh cashing in on all those brownie points though - weekend away with the boys perhaps?

Jasonthunderpants · 14/05/2010 20:35

I am a sahd and if my partner wanted to go I wouldnt mind

How would the kids react to you being away for so long?

by the way my partner does have to go away every now again for a week and it does affect the kids but it is no problem for me

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 20:36

We live near family who i'm sure would help out.
the one week unpaid won't make a huge difference tbh, we are not massively committed to anything.
DS1 will be at school during the day and DS2 goes to nursery 2 mornings a week. Family and friends may be able to help out at other times if he has lots of work on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 20:38

I don't know how the kids would be with me being away. They are quite proficient with skype conversations with family abroad.

OP posts: