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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave DH and the kids for 3 weeks for the chance to work abroad this summer.

144 replies

Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 20:10

Here's the situation.
DH works from home but is mainly a SAHD.
I work full time.
This situation was forced through redundancy, and we get by although it's not ideal.
The kids are 5 and 3.
I got a call last night offering me the opportunity to work for a charity sports team for 3 weeks.
It looks like my work are ok with me using annual leave and a week of unpaid leave.

So AIBU to go, leaving DH with the kids for a whole 3 weeks?

So far in RL coments have included..oh your poor DH, you don't deserve him, and he's too good to you.

Would it be really awful of me to go?
We can't afford for them to come along too.
I wouldn't be using up all of my annual leave allowance, just some.

WWYD? AIBU?

OP posts:
StrictlyTory · 16/05/2010 21:21

Oh yes and he said he would be very sad if my idea of fun was going away for 3 weeks on my own...

Oenopod · 16/05/2010 21:51

Just because the OP enjoys her work doesn't mean it isn't work. I've had some of my best trips whilst working. This is because I love my job.

Some people can be pleased that you enjoy your job - usually the well-adjusted happy ones.

To say that it is selfish to go away (for a work-related trip) because you will be having fun is just pure and simple.

Don't wish your misery on other people!

MollieO · 16/05/2010 21:55

If I were you I would go, particularly as you have the support of your dh.

As for missing sports days etc why can't you use annual leave to attend those school functions? I always book up days at the beginning of term when the dates list is published, that way I ensure I am at school when it matters.

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 16/05/2010 22:14

i do take leave for things that i don't want to miss. but i do miss out on the normal things like the school run or helping with school trips etc.

yes oenopod, i think the responses would be different if it was a compulsory convention on sewage pipes.

i'm also under no illusions that i'm off for a complete jolly although it will be fun and a break for my usual week. i will be up early in the morning, working until late in the evening and mucking in with all sorts of jobs at other times, and alot of sitting in a minibus. very worthwhile doing a good job too. so i intend to be super keen.

OP posts:
nighbynight · 16/05/2010 22:31

I wouldn't, because you would be making the household poorer by taking the unpaid leave, and you are potentially taking away support for your dh by using your annual leave for this.

But am if you have a dh who loves you enough to want you to go...

WidowWadman · 16/05/2010 22:43

I'd do it as long as my husband would be supportive of it (and I know he would). It's not as if it is a regular thing.

oldandgreynow · 17/05/2010 16:57

Oenopod-The OP works fulltime.Her DC see little enough of her as it is and then to spend her limited annual leave with randomers instead of her children because it will be fun for her is IMO selfish.
Unfortunately nowadays the attitude with many parents is that 'well as long as its fun for me ,it doesn't matter if its at my DCs expense.'

Muser · 17/05/2010 17:01

Go. My dad worked abroad constantly when I was little, for months a time. Leaving my mum with 3 kids for that time, and her family lived in a completely different country.

Plenty of men still spend long periods working away from home, they're in the oil industry, or army, or foreign office, or just travel a lot with work. Nobody thinks twice about that. It's 3 weeks, it'll fly by.

flockwallpaper · 17/05/2010 17:09

YANBU Some posters are being a bit harsh. If it might help your future career, DH is supportive and it is a unique opportunity then why not?

I would find 3 weeks a really long time to be away from the family but every family is different.

Muser · 17/05/2010 17:16

Also, having sold a week's annual leave, it's worth sod all. A week's pay isn't going to impact that much over the course of the year.

I also don't think there's anything wrong with being selfish every now and then. It's good for kids to see their parents do the things they really want to. How else do you learn ambition? And it's 3 weeks, not 3 months or 3 years. And could lead to great work opportunities. Why wouldn't someone jump at the chance?

posieparker · 17/05/2010 17:18

So you want to take a week off work unpaid but you can't afford a family holiday?

ooojimaflip · 17/05/2010 17:21

What does he think about it?

Rebeccaruby · 17/05/2010 19:59

I think YANBU. The people in RL are being sexist. If you were a SAHM and your DP was in the forces/worked on an oil rig/was an international management consultant who had to be abroad for a month at a time, they wouldn't bat an eyelid. Three weeks will fly by.

posieparker · 17/05/2010 20:11

Erm, am I mistaken or are people a little about OP because she is using some of her annual leave?

skidoodly · 17/05/2010 20:32

"The OP works fulltime.Her DC see little enough of her as it is"

Her children see little enough of her as it is?

Because she works full time?

Yes, the cheek of her - having a job and wanting to take advantage of an opportunity to increase her earning power.

posieparker · 17/05/2010 20:44

If my DH wanted to go away, he works full time and I am a SAHM, using one week's annual leave UNPAID and we were anything less than very comfortable I would say no. But then my DH only gets five weeks.

This is not a sexist thing.

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 17/05/2010 20:47

a family holiday would cost a lot more than one week of my salary.

"The OP works fulltime.Her DC see little enough of her as it is" Classic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elgoogreven · 17/05/2010 20:53

my children have all the benefits of having a SAHParent btw for those that are trying to turn this into a WOHM vs SAHM debate.

Is it a problem for you that is their father instead of their mother?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/05/2010 20:53

Do it

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 17/05/2010 20:57

Thanks AF.

OP posts:
cornsillkwearsclogs · 17/05/2010 20:58

oldandgrey - are you a man? Bet you are! You are aren't you!

AnyFucker · 17/05/2010 21:03

and if you change your mind...I will do it

UpSinceCrapOClock · 17/05/2010 21:04

Haven't read all the replies but go for it. Why not?

My DH works away a lot and last summer we were living in different countries for about 3 months. He wants to stay in the UK but I feel isolated so want to move back to where we were before and will be taking the children with me (we have zero support network in London and the childcare is much cheaper where we were before amongst other reasons). He'll be alternating some weeks in UK and some with us for the next year probably. The children are still close to him, when he's away they talk regularly on skype and he makes up for it when he's not away.

I don't get all the 'your poor dh, you don't deserve him' comments - I guess those are just from people who have quite traditional values when it comes to gender roles? So, erm, not really a valid argument in my book.

scratchmyback · 17/05/2010 21:09

Go for it, life is too short to have regrets.

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 17/05/2010 21:10

AF, you have the advantage of knowing the job and a bit more about my situation. It means a lot that you say go for it. If i can't go, i'll let you know.

OP posts: