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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave DH and the kids for 3 weeks for the chance to work abroad this summer.

144 replies

Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 20:10

Here's the situation.
DH works from home but is mainly a SAHD.
I work full time.
This situation was forced through redundancy, and we get by although it's not ideal.
The kids are 5 and 3.
I got a call last night offering me the opportunity to work for a charity sports team for 3 weeks.
It looks like my work are ok with me using annual leave and a week of unpaid leave.

So AIBU to go, leaving DH with the kids for a whole 3 weeks?

So far in RL coments have included..oh your poor DH, you don't deserve him, and he's too good to you.

Would it be really awful of me to go?
We can't afford for them to come along too.
I wouldn't be using up all of my annual leave allowance, just some.

WWYD? AIBU?

OP posts:
NoahAndTheWhale · 14/05/2010 20:39

If children are at school and nursery that would make it easier - was thinking it would be during summer holidays which would be more difficult for your DH.

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 20:41

Holland, Belgium and France

OP posts:
Lexilicious · 14/05/2010 20:45

I would definitely do it. Especially as it is an investment towards your career.

I am in a job where I can volunteer to go overseas for short periods and would get paid for it, and I'm going to volunteer once I stop BF-ing first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I'm also in the TA and if I do a two week camp (UK but no conjugal visits!) and a few other requirements, it earns me about £700 in pay for 2 weeks and a £1400 tax free lump sum at the end of the year.

I'm interested why you think the SAHD plus you in a FT job is not ideal. If it was the other way round it would be far from unusual. If he is comfortable being man around the house, what's wrong with it?

So you're keen on it and he's supportive of it. People in RL around you have made some frankly sexist reactions and you want to see if the random mix of WOHMs, SAHMs and the odd dad on mumsnet have anything to add?

Nobody on here knows what's right for your family.

cocodomingo · 14/05/2010 20:46

I say go for it if your husband is supportive...I am due to give birth to DC 1 in 6 weeks and i have always feared that becoming a mother means letting go of previous goals and ambitions...i've decided stuff that idea...where possible LIVE! As in live for each moment and experience that will ultimately enhance your happiness and therefore the family's happiness. Support for one another in a marriage is key to its success as is some independence. Your children will be fine. Lots of father's take work trips abroad and lots of couples leave the kids home with a nanny and it doesn't mean they love their children any less.

PickUpYourPants · 14/05/2010 20:48

Go for it. I wouldn't think twice. It isn't as if he is not used to looking after the DC or they are not used to him.
If it was the other way round most men would go without thinking twice.

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 20:51

Well the role swap is ideal for us in our situation, it's the best solution for us at the moment, but DH has more earning potential and finds being at home full time hard (so did I though).

OP posts:
shockers · 14/05/2010 20:53

I would love to go to Romania to do therapy with some of the (now adult) children who were in the orphanages in the 1980s, and I will.... one day.

Until then, it's your turn... I insist.

Missus84 · 14/05/2010 20:57

I would do it. If your DH is happy to support you then I don't see the problem - people probably will judge you but people judge mothers whatever they do.

larks35 · 14/05/2010 20:58

I can understand why others are berating you about it and probably wouldn't consider this if it were me, but if your DH is supportive and it will help your career, take the beration on your chin and go with it!

Vistana · 14/05/2010 20:59

Go for it!
If your DH is supportive, your employer is supportive and you want to go, go!
In RL and on here people are judgmental, everyone has their own way of doing things (some of these people will miss out on opportunities then talk about them for the rest of their lives as they feel it makes them better to have missed out supposedly for the sake of their family. Yet make their family suffer and feel guilty for it - doesn't make sense to me, I'd rather have parents who are happy and don't hold things like that againist me so thats how I am.)

Have a good time plus you may discover some hidden gems on your travels which you can take the family to see at a later date!

Oenopod · 14/05/2010 21:06

YANBU - 3 weeks is not a long time and why shouldn't your DH have sole responsibility for a short time?

I bet no one would blink if the roles were reversed. And no one would think how wonderful you were if you had to look after your own kids for a few weeks by yourself.

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 21:36

bump
thanks for all the replies so far.
i'm feeling a mix of excitement, guilt and sadness.

OP posts:
TheGodmother · 14/05/2010 21:50

Bloody hell it's 3 weeks not 3 years of course you should go for it! Why would you care about wht anyone in RL or on here thinks, as long as DH is happy with it, go for it.

Dancergirl · 14/05/2010 21:51

What does your dh think? I think this is something you need to discuss together the two of you. If he is fully supportive I would do it. Yes you will miss the children but it's a great opportunity and they will be fine - they'll be with their dad!

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 22:03

DH says he would do it if it was him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elgoogreven · 14/05/2010 22:23

I'm still leaning towards doing it. need official clearance from work but if i get it i think it's a goer.

OP posts:
werewolf · 14/05/2010 22:54

Do it and enjoy it.

squeaver · 14/05/2010 23:00

YOu should do it.

Original poster
Elgoogreven · 15/05/2010 11:11

bump

OP posts:
didgeridoo · 15/05/2010 11:19

Why is it such a fuss is made about a mother going away for a few weeks? Would such a fuss be made if it was the father? I'm sure if the likes of forces wives can cope with not only their dp's being away for months on end, but also the possibility they might never come back, I'm sure your dh will be fine for a few weeks especially if he's more or less a SAHD anyway.

ImSoNotTelling · 15/05/2010 11:20

YANBU at all, go for it!

It's only 3 weeks, that's hardly any time at all.

MayorNaze · 15/05/2010 11:23

go for it. you will obv regret it if you don't. and, if it turns out to be not quite what you thought etc, then at least you will know and not be left thinking "what if"...

Greythorne · 15/05/2010 12:08

Go for it

Just food for thought:
Two or three times a year, I take my DCs back to my home country for a fortnight to spend time with GPs and family. DH does not always come with us. After a week or so, my Dc1 starts saying, "I miss Daddy, when will see my Daddy, I miss my cottage Etc" even though she loves these trips and has a whale of a time with her cousins. So be prepared for them to really miss you!

hugebelly · 15/05/2010 13:20

Hmmm.... Slightly selfish, however, if this is an area of work you're trying to get into, then I think it's a fab opportunity.

Your husband will cope, your kids will be fine.

If you didn't take up the role, would you really regret it. If so, then you should go for it!

charley24 · 15/05/2010 13:51

Sounds like a great opportunity as you say it could lead to other options being available.

If you are safe and secure and have faith in your DP's parenting skills I would say go for it !

My Hubby is joining to RAF and he will be away for long periods, I support him and I am sure he would support me.

3 Weeks may sound like a long time, but kids adapt and yes they will miss you, it's natural.

If you have a strong family unit, you should grab the opportunity.