to leave DH and the kids for 3 weeks for the chance to work abroad this summer.

[Elgoogreven]

Here's the situation.
DH works from home but is mainly a SAHD.
I work full time.
This situation was forced through redundancy, and we get by although it's not ideal.
The kids are 5 and 3.
I got a call last night offering me the opportunity to work for a charity sports team for 3 weeks.
It looks like my work are ok with me using annual leave and a week of unpaid leave.

So AIBU to go, leaving DH with the kids for a whole 3 weeks?

So far in RL coments have included..oh your poor DH, you don't deserve him, and he's too good to you.

Would it be really awful of me to go?
We can't afford for them to come along too.
I wouldn't be using up all of my annual leave allowance, just some.

WWYD? AIBU?

Sorry but YABU

I think that if this had been related to your main job and was linked to additional pay/ promotion, then it could have been justified. But leaving to do something that it appears you wont be paid for and using your annual leave with it is taking the mickey. And very selfish. Won't you miss your children terribly? And more importantly, wont they miss you?

If DH came home and suggested something like this, I would tell him to take a running jump.

Go!

My DH is in the Navy. He was away in 11m out of 12 last year. I coped. Your DH will too. My DSs miss him, but are so happy when he gets back that it evens out.

Sort things out as much as possible before you go.... batch cook lots of meals, make sure all washing is up to date, school uniform is ironed and prepped (hung on hangers with clean socks and pants), birthday presents are bought for parties and wrapped, lots in cupboards for school lunches.... Obviously my DH does none of this before he goes, but this is what I do if I leave my children for any time (have left them with family a few times to visit DH abroad).

elgroo who disapproved, have a some ideas but dont want to say in case I am wrong!!!

definately do it, esp if it benefits your career.

Loads of men go away all the time for work without comment.

How rude of people to say those things.

I had 2 weeks away on a language course helping foreigners learn English, and I am a SAHM. DH was keen on it and he quite often also has days/weekends away alone when he isn't working. The kids were 4 and 2, they missed me, I missed them, but not in a 'needy' way and it certainly hasn't affected any of us badly.

I do think maybe some of your RL friends are jealous that you are able, financially and domestically, to do this. I get the same snidey comments when my DH looks after the kids. Parenting is a shared responsibility!! Also you are individual adults too who have needs outside the family. I would hate to get to 60 and regret not taking the opportunities (and would be a stroppy bitch to live with, too!!)

Do it!

Ignore the comments from RL friends/family.

Like others have said before me, no one would bat an eyelid if a man goes off to work away or takes up a 'once-in-a-lifetime' opportunity for a few weeks.

In fact, there's a good chance my DP may have the chance of a few weeks work in Italy this summer. I'm sure people will encourage him/tell him how lucky he is etc but I doubt anyone will say to him 'poor Norbert, you don't deserve her, she's too good to you' etc

I really can't understand why people are saying YABU . Why should you not go? It's something that will look good on your CV and help in your future prospects.

Why does it matter that you're leaving your children? They'll be with their father, does that not count for anything? Dh goes on work or training (unrelated to work) trips abroad all the time, as happens in lots of families - is it only ok if it's the man being away?

YANBU - but there will be people who will judge you and make comments. I wouldn't bother trying to think of one liners. Just smile sweetly and say that you and your DH think it's a good opportunity.

It annoys me that women are always made to feel guilty about this but no-one would ever make these comments to a man.

Go and enjoy yourself.

If it were me, I would go if I could take it all as unpaid leave (if we could afford to!!) so that I still had my annual leave - as I would want to have plenty of days leave up my sleeve to take to attend school stuff (assemblies, teacher meetings, nativity plays etc) and days out etc with the kids, in addition to the 'annual holiday' as I would hate to miss out on stuff simply because I didn't have any leave to take the day off...

But if you are happy with the leave you'll have left and DH is happy for you to go - then go for it!!

The kids will be fine - they are used to Dad being the primary carer! (That's not to upset you - I'm sure they'll miss you! But they'll cope!!)

At the moment I'm at home as DH is in the army. You know what, I would freak if he said he wanted to spend 3 weeks off alone when I spend day in day out with DS! Going for a job is one thing, going cos you want to do something alone is quite another. I spend enough time sitting on my own when DS is in bed without another 3 weeks of it

Do it do it! Yes it is a little bit selfish, but so the heck what? It's not the same but I left DH with DD just under 2 for a week while I went to the states, part work but part very much jolly!

As long as your DH is ok with it then who the hell cares what anyone else is saying. TBH you will always come off worse in this situation. Your DH would never get the same comments if the roles were reversed, we all know that.

The unreasonable thing is asking us. If your DP is fine then do it, if not then don't. My DH has been away for 3 weeks and I coped, not sure if I'd have agreed in these circumstances, but if yours does do it.

Oh isn't mumsnet grand.

Previously as a SAHM i've been called a 1930's housewife for preferring to have DH's dinner ready at 6pm.(DH was complaining, wanted it later)
When i've felt low and isolated about being a SAHM i've been told to get back to work.(good idea)
Now all i bloody do is work, not through choice but through circumstances outwith my control.
Here's an opportunity for me to blow the PND cobwebs away with full support from DH and i'm being selfish.

Well yes I am.

This opportunity could help me get to a position where i can be more flexible in my work through self-employment. Why do i want to do that? so i don't miss out on sports days, helping out at the school, being at home when the kids get sick etc.

Shame it'll be so much fun of course travelling around france with a sports team doing the sport i really enjoy. Is that the bit where i'm going wrong. If i'd posted about going away fro 3 weeks for some boring convention, the response would be go on, it's only 3 weeks and it'll be worth it in the long run blah blah blah

I didn't post here to ask what i should do, I posted to find out why some people are judging me for this.

Tres interessant. I love mumsnet.

FWIW the charity helps disadvantaged children through sport and the arts but that's an obvious card to play.

'I didn't post here to ask what i should do, I posted to find out why some people are judging me for this.'

Actually, to be fair you were asking WWYD? AIBU to go?

You should know by now the sort of responses you are going to get in AIBU

For my part I think the most important factor is would you let DH do the same thing if roles were reversed? For those who say they would never dream of doing it that's fine as long as their DH's would never dream of doing it either. And let's face it, it's more about leaving your DH to deal with the kids than how the kids will be, as your OP indicated, the kids will be fine. If your DH is ok with it then no problem.

'I didn't post here to ask what i should do, I posted to find out why some people are judging me for this.'

Are you serious? Really?

I cannot stand people who post in AIBU, get responses they obviously dont like and then throw their toys out of their pram. You asked 'AIBU to go' in your OP!!!

You know what. Go. Don't go. Couldn't give a monkeys. If you dont want to hear peoples opinions, dont post on an internet forum!

oh pipe down.

i posted because i want to know from those who think it's unreasonable, why? because people in real life are thinking it and in RL, in the work place or in family life, it's not always sensible to be entirely honest and to challenge people's opinions. tis fine here though.

no toys being thrown out of the pram at all.

i want the opinions. i don't have to agree with them do i?

NG,

Times change and so do your circumstances. There is a time for mum to be at home with the children, and at other times it is right for mum to be doing something else.

Don't try to apply two year old advice/judgement to your new opportunity.

reading back, i was having a bit of a hypo at about 5pm today so tone of post may be a bit off. was racing this morning.

Sorry but I think it would be a very selfish thing to do.

and DH and I have agreed that next summer i will return the favour so he can go canoeing or kayaking.

SELFISH!!!!

In what way?

And to the poster who said that they took their children AWAY for 3 weeks to stay with grandparents without OH and the children missed him and home -

I find the children are more unsettled when they go away but if you go and they are in their usual set-up with their dad I can't see the issue.

It's one thing saying "I couldn't do it" - fine, then don't.

Quite another saying "you can't do it" imo.

GO.

"I am due to give birth to DC 1 in 6 weeks and i have always feared that becoming a mother means letting go of previous goals and ambitions...i've decided stuff that idea...where possible LIVE!"

PMSL

Let us know how you get on with that one coco

" my guess is that they are envious of not getting the same opportunities themselves!"

I'm envious too.

Go for it OP.

I also don't think YABU to ask us what we think. If everyone took that attitude there'd be no AIBU.

And THEN what would we do when we fancied a bit of pointless bickering?

quite skidoodle, where would be without pointless bickering?

this thread has been really useful. i feel prepared for these comments in real life now. i understand that some people will not understand it and will make judgement on my parenting.

but nobody can ever really know the circumstances, our relationship and our particular children.

9 years ago i thought i'd done my travelling, got it out of my system and was ready to settle down. i had no idea how much i would miss that freedom. life is too short to pass up opportunities like this. thanks for the reassurance from those who agree with me.

I asked DH what he would do and he said that he would not feel comfortable going away for 'fun' and leaving me and DS for 3 weeks.

He said it would be selfish. A week yes, 3 weeks no.