to let my 16 month old wander round a quiet tea room...

[GumtreeGirl]

...rather than keep him in his pushchair or high chair when he's bored and fidgety?

Scenario today: a quiet NT tea room with a couple of friends with toddlers the same age. We'd sat round with snacks/ teas for 15 minutes or so, then DS having hoovered up all the snacks I'd brought started getting fidgety and asked (gestured - he's not talking yet) to get down.

The tea room was quiet - there were two other groups in there, one couple and another family group. DS wandered about, had an explore, didn't disturb anyone else either physically or noisily, then came back and started playing next to me with the toys that were supplied there. I kept an eye on him the whole time, and if he'd started disturbing anyone or making a noise I would have brought him back to our table.

One of my friends then let her son down, and he also wanted to explore but she then made a huge deal about not letting him - "I don't like him running around - he can run around at home, but not somewhere like here". My other friend then said "But he gets fed up in his pushchair, right?", to which the answer was "Yes, but tough, he has to learn he can't just wander around".

So I was left feeling v. uncomfortable and implicitly criticised for being a Bad Feckless Mother.

Personally, I (obviously!)feel that it's OK for a small toddler to wander around, supervised, if he's not disturbing anyone, and that at 16 months, 30 minutes of enforced sitting still is an eternity. I certainly would aim to start teaching him when he's a little older that he can't just get down and race around, particularly if others are disturbed, but right now his comprehension isn't there, and sitting still would mean he'd complain, noisily, which would be more disruptive to everyone else.

So, am I a Bad Feckless Mother, or OK to let him do this, for now? And what age did you start instilling the 'Sit nicely at the table' rule?

cpanda I think you use the same play gound as me, you sound like the woman who takes her DD off the see-saw if other kids go over to play with her always feel sorry for her DD, all the other kids form a sort of herd and go from one thing to another together but she's stuck dodging everyone else with her mum

MilaMae I once almost tripped over a toddler - I wasn't rushing around and neither was the toddler, but the result was a big dish of bubbling hot lasagne flying through the air and crashing to the ground. It was dreadful.

The mother yelled at me that I should have been looking where I was going, but I was looking where I was going. Had they been bigger, I'd have seen them. Had they been inanimate, I'd have avoided them. But the toddler moved, as they do.

Thankfully no one was hurt.

Otter it's soooo humiliating and scary isn't it. I dropped a coffee pot of boiling water down myself after walking into a chair (probably toddler height)not pushed in properly.

Thankfully I wasn't badly hurt but dread to think of the damage that could have been done to a toddler.

pagwatch 'he isn't doing any harm - they arn't all little goody goodys like those two'

how rude.

Tells you pretty much everything you need to know about her doesn't it? Snapping at the guy I would understand but at someone else/a couple of uninvolved kids is a shocker.

Why is it wrong for CPanda to not to want to have to interact with other children when she and her dc are trying to enjoy lunch?

It's a quite different situation from a playground.

I wouldn't be impressed with an adult licking the fork I was going to use, so would be just as unimpressed with a strange kid sucking a toy that was going straight back into DS's mouth.

Several people,including myself, have said they'd prefer not to have other children bothering them when they're trying to eat/talk to the people they're with. I fail to see the problem with that.

Morloth

I would have been more annoyed except I was too busy enjoying DS2 and goody goody being part of the same concept

I don't get out much these days so when I do get to cafes/restaurants sans kids or even with kids the last thing I want invading my personal is other people kids.

Sorry but you pay enough to eat out and part of that is the atmosphere and ambiance.If I wanted to be gurning at a 16 month old I'd go to our local toddler group.

That's what she does - makes her dd get off when others come over to join her - why can't they play on it together?

Kids gravitate together and I think its sad when that's discouraged. Might also be why the OP and her friends had a little clash - if one's wandering rather than they'll all want to rather than all entertaining each other at the table or in the toy area.

I have a feeling they may ask you to move on if you do MilaMae

I still don't get you. It's a cafe/restaurant not a playground.
I don't expect to have to dine with people that I don't know or have to entertain other's children.

What are you talking about Salbysea?

You yourself said that you aren't comfortable with feeling that you have a duty of care when a child is hovering about your table/wandering around near you, so why can't CPanda,or anyone be uncomfortable with having to look after a stranger's child?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend time only with one's family.

The situation you described re the playground woman isn't at all relevant to this topic.

this thread is the type that always goes tits up on MN

it's impossible for anyone to comment on whether you W or WNBU without seeing the tea room, its layout, the other guests, your child etc

in some situations I would let mine potter about (there's a delightful tea room garden near us that us desi=gned for wandering around in, there are little paths and features and my children love it)

in other situations I would make them stay put

this thread is futile

well I just think that there's a middle ground. Its not a case of either letting them roam free or strapping them to buggies all the time or getting upset if another kid sucks their toys. I think somewhere in between is best

LOL at playing with other kids in the playground = totally out of control

Cpanda "I absoltuely hate it when other children walk about and come over to see us." Really? Hate it?

What's the difference between a child wandering over to say hi to another child and having a chat, and an adult passing the time of day with another adult? Or do you 'hate' it when another adult says hello or comments on the weather to you?

I don't really understand your position. Surely we're all trying to bring our children up to be polite but also sociable people?

A adult/kid/toddler passing the table and saying Hi, or having a quick random chat is fine.

Somebody hanging around, watching you eat, asking for some of your food etc is just bloody annoying (and yes I know the OP didn't allow that, but we have had it from free rangers before).

I must be strange, then, as I quite often say hello to children in tearooms or cafes, I don't get down on my hands and knees and play with them, but I don't object to the odd hello/smile/peekaboo. But then, I also chat to the waitress/waiter, speak to random grannies who catch your eye, other parents, the odd comment not a whole conversation but enough to make the world feel civilized.

I don't let my own children wander around tearooms or cafes though as it's really unsafe for servers who end up tripping over toddlers. Plus, it's easier to have a 'not getting up from the table' rule from the start. But if they have a rug which acts as a play-area or some shared toys and it's out of the way of people serving, then I think playing there is fine, even though in the main, I can only relax myself if mine are sitting with me.

this is an interesting thread, and shows why I very very rarely eat out with DS! I do get its a pain in a busy cafe with waitresses running about. our local park has a massive most often empty cafe, and there I would consider letting him roam. I think sometimes its OK, and sometimes its NOT