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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect them to move?

59 replies

harimo · 11/05/2010 15:24

OK...

I would really appreciate comments on this:

I have two young kids). I don't have a massive circle of friends or family where I live.

My will currently states that (should anything happen to me), my kids would go to my sister and her husband. They currently live 3-4 hours away.

I'm really happy with that.. she is my closest friend and biggest ally so I def. think she is best to look after my kids.

However, my son is due to start school next year and my daughter will follow the year after.

I'm currently considering moving a bit closer to them (but still 2-3 hours away) before the kids start school.

I want to write into my will that, once the kids start school, if anything should happen to me, I want them to move to the kids (they both have portable careers, and the house would be paid for)

AIBU to expect that?

FWIW, I don't really want my kids to grow up where they currently live...

I know that's all a bit morbid, but I'd appreciate PoVs before I talk to them.

Harimo

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 11/05/2010 15:27

massively unreasonable sorry

gingernutlover · 11/05/2010 15:28

yabu really

LadyintheRadiator · 11/05/2010 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McDreamy · 11/05/2010 15:28

yes sorry - very unreasonable

expatinscotland · 11/05/2010 15:30

YABU.

Our wills state that if we die, our children go and live with my sister 5,000 miles away.

It's not where I'd chose for them to live, but well, asking someone to take over the rearing of your children is a big enough thing anyway.

I would not expect her to move her life to do that.

scurryfunge · 11/05/2010 15:30

You want what's best for your children, you are passsing that decision over to your sister should you die...she will decide not you. You have to trust your sister to make the right decision, otherwise what is the point of entrusting her should the worst happen

FluffyDonkey · 11/05/2010 15:30

YABU

You don't live where you live just for your career - they'll have friends and clubs etc. where they are. They'll have their favourite bar/restaurant/shops etc.

If anything does happen to you, just be grateful they'll have a loving home to go to. Don't dictate where that home must be.

Original poster
harimo · 11/05/2010 15:31

So... no hung parliment here then!

OK. point taken.

I just thought it would be better to keep SOMETHING the same, should the worst happen.

My son is a sensitive soul who, I feel, will continue to become more sensitive. he is obsessed with routine

OP posts:
muddleduck · 11/05/2010 15:31

what scurry said.

alicet · 11/05/2010 15:31

Yep another YABU here sorry

DuelingFanjo · 11/05/2010 15:32

unreasonable.

McDreamy · 11/05/2010 15:33

Of course you want the best for your children but you can't expect them to move. They may of course decide to move should the worst happen if they have as you say portable careers.

Who knows what might happen in the future. Your sister may have children of her own.

alicet · 11/05/2010 15:33

I can understand WHY you wanted to stipulate this by the way - to maintain something stable for your children. Just that you cannot possibly ask this.

Hullygully · 11/05/2010 15:34

I think it's them who are being unreasonable. If their careers are flexible I don't see why they can't move to your house, especially as you are paying.

lovechoc · 11/05/2010 15:36

YABU for all the reasons stated by others already

Pootles2010 · 11/05/2010 15:41

Hully i don't think they said they wouldn't - impression i got was they hadn't been asked yet?

OP do they have any kids of their own? Even if not they may well do in future, and wouldn't want to uproot them? If they are truly flexible and don't mind where they live, i imagine they might just move anyway.

Aussieng · 11/05/2010 15:41

Also agree YABU. I also believe that this would not be an enforceable provision of your will anyway so could well achieve nothing more than to make your DSis and BIL feel a bit guilty and resentful when they are already taking on a huge responsibility.

FluffyDonkey · 11/05/2010 15:41

Hully - are you serious?

expatinscotland · 11/05/2010 15:41

'I think it's them who are being unreasonable. If their careers are flexible I don't see why they can't move to your house, especially as you are paying.'

Because they have a life where they live? Maybe they truly love it. What if they have young children as well if/when the OP dies, and like the schools their own children are attending?

What if their careers become less flexible?

What if they truly hate where the OP lives?

The house could be sold and used to fund the childrens' university fees or training.

Hullygully · 11/05/2010 15:42

I am always serious. I think they are being a bit meany.

minipie · 11/05/2010 15:43

YABU. They might choose to move, if they're as flexible as you think, but it has to be their choice.

AMumInScotland · 11/05/2010 15:43

Hully is never serious...

Hullygully · 11/05/2010 15:44

Oh yes I am. What more do they want? Perhaps they are holding out for your car, too?

muddleduck · 11/05/2010 15:46

maybe they are holding out for a nice blue summer dress...

Original poster
harimo · 11/05/2010 15:48

No, haven't said a word to them yet.

I do, truly, believe they would always do what was best for the kids.

just would like it so, should anything happen, they didn't have to swap school.

I don't have any worries about my sis. Just, I didn't enjoy my childhood in that area and not really sure I want my kids to endure that.

OP posts: