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AIBU?

To expect them to move?

59 replies

harimo · 11/05/2010 15:24

OK...

I would really appreciate comments on this:

I have two young kids). I don't have a massive circle of friends or family where I live.

My will currently states that (should anything happen to me), my kids would go to my sister and her husband. They currently live 3-4 hours away.

I'm really happy with that.. she is my closest friend and biggest ally so I def. think she is best to look after my kids.

However, my son is due to start school next year and my daughter will follow the year after.

I'm currently considering moving a bit closer to them (but still 2-3 hours away) before the kids start school.

I want to write into my will that, once the kids start school, if anything should happen to me, I want them to move to the kids (they both have portable careers, and the house would be paid for)

AIBU to expect that?

FWIW, I don't really want my kids to grow up where they currently live...

I know that's all a bit morbid, but I'd appreciate PoVs before I talk to them.

Harimo

OP posts:

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Sassybeast · 11/05/2010 15:48

YABU.

Hullygully · 11/05/2010 15:49

I think you might be slightly overthinking all of it..

Blu · 11/05/2010 15:50

I dont think you can make people move house in your will.

If I were left to care for my nieces and nephews in a tragedy, I would actually do my best to ensure stability and continuity for them, and move if possible. But it would be really hard, for serious practical reasons, to move my own DS to where they currently live.

If they are the right people to name as Guardians, then rust that they will do all in their power to do what's best for them in the circumstances.

harimo · 11/05/2010 15:51

I do like a thread that unites MN

So, IABU then????

OP posts:

alicet · 11/05/2010 15:53

I think you are overthinking it too - I mean in all likelihood you will live until well after your children leave school.

Given that you are thinking of moving if it is a deal breaker that you wouldn't want your children to have to move school if something happened to you then you need to choose to move near them. I know you don't like the area but that is your choice.

At the end of the day I would just ask them to be guardians, move where YOU want to live and keep your fingers crossed that you live a long and happy life!

Hullygully · 11/05/2010 15:55

You could always casually leave a ouija board lying about and tell them you'd be watching.

MelonCauli · 11/05/2010 16:08

I have an agreement with my sister that, in the event of either of us leaving our children with neither parent, we will move to the house where the bereaved children are IYSWIM,. I.e. if my sister and her husband die, I will move the 2 hours to her house with my husband & kids, and vice versa.

I think it's a small price to pay to give the children some stability in what would be an awful time for them.

It is written into our wills but I know she would do it anyway, as would I.

castleonthehill · 11/05/2010 16:11

I think you could say you think you feel it would be better for your children to stay where they are but who can say what will be best when you die. They may have there own kids by then your children may not want to live where you live now. You would be asking your sister to move away from her fiends and support network a bad idea. Taking on you kids will be big enough trust her to take account of what your kids think at the time.

pumperspumpkin · 11/05/2010 16:12

What would you want to happen to your children if your sister and her husband didn't want to move for whatever reason, and you're saying they can't look after them in their current home? I think either you trust them with your children or you don't.

Clothilde · 11/05/2010 16:27

I think that you should talk to her sister and her husband about it, and ask them if it's something that they wuld feel OK abut doing.

thisisyesterday · 11/05/2010 16:35

well i think you're unreasonable to expect them to yes.
but there would be no harm in mentioning it to your sister and seeing what she says would there?

AxisofEvil · 11/05/2010 16:45

I'm guardian for my DNephew if his parents pass but no way would I contemplate moving to their region if the worst happened - the child would need to come and live with me. And frankly I'd be gobsmacked if they suggested it.

GeekOfTheWeek · 11/05/2010 16:49

YABVU

BuzzingNoise · 11/05/2010 16:56

YABU.

bonnieblue · 11/05/2010 16:57

Sorry! Totally unreasonable although I understand your feelings.

MisSalLaneous · 11/05/2010 16:57

Yes, YABU. It would probably be more stable if not everyone were in a new environment too, so the existing friends and support network your sister and her husband will have will be worth something.

alicet · 11/05/2010 17:00

There is no way I would move either. For a start mine and dh's jobs are not easily portable, although mine could possibly be it wouldn't happen overnight.

Secondly to move for my sister that would be to New Zealand so it would mean moving to the other side of the world from my family and friends - no chance. For bil it would mean moving 4-5 hours away. Both to a house much smaller than the one we live in at the moment. And in both cases away from our friends and support network.

I would hope that we could provide stability for the children if the worst was to happen. I also feel that aside from the practical concerns above, we would be better placed to do that somewhere we know and are settled than in a place we don't know at all.

expatinscotland · 11/05/2010 17:02

Totally understand where you're coming from, though! As stated, our deaths would mean my children would need to start their lives over in another country.

But the main thing is that I know they would be in a happy, loving home with people who cherish them.

Trafficcone · 11/05/2010 17:04

Are you actually dying? Because otherwise
this is all utterly preposterous. YABUtterlyU.

pippop1 · 11/05/2010 17:09

How about you put into the will that it would be ideal if they moved but you understand if they don't feel able to.

Hullygully · 11/05/2010 17:11

Are you actually dying?

That is my fave line of the day.

BritFish · 11/05/2010 17:18

hullygully, i laughed too.
now we're both going to feel really, really bad if the OP has a a terminal illness.

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alicet · 11/05/2010 17:19

sorry I knwo its inappropriate but pmsl at 'are you actually dying' and even more at hullygully's response

activate · 11/05/2010 17:21

yabu

harimo · 11/05/2010 17:26

Well, glad it raised a laugh,.

Not really a laughing matter here.

Yes, there are real reasons why I'm considering this.

maybe it makes you laugh. I take it reasonably seriously,

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