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AIBU?

To expect them to move?

59 replies

harimo · 11/05/2010 15:24

OK...

I would really appreciate comments on this:

I have two young kids). I don't have a massive circle of friends or family where I live.

My will currently states that (should anything happen to me), my kids would go to my sister and her husband. They currently live 3-4 hours away.

I'm really happy with that.. she is my closest friend and biggest ally so I def. think she is best to look after my kids.

However, my son is due to start school next year and my daughter will follow the year after.

I'm currently considering moving a bit closer to them (but still 2-3 hours away) before the kids start school.

I want to write into my will that, once the kids start school, if anything should happen to me, I want them to move to the kids (they both have portable careers, and the house would be paid for)

AIBU to expect that?

FWIW, I don't really want my kids to grow up where they currently live...

I know that's all a bit morbid, but I'd appreciate PoVs before I talk to them.

Harimo

OP posts:

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harimo · 12/05/2010 11:22

No worries..

Alls fair in Love and AIBU!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

BritFish · 12/05/2010 00:48

sorry harimo, wasnt trying to be flippant but that line was funny.
but yes, this is the sort of thing you consider even if you dont think it will happen, thats why you make a will even if you dont have reason to believe anything awful will happen prematurely...

harimo · 11/05/2010 18:20

Thanks, Brightyoungthing, that is a good way of thinking of things.

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 11/05/2010 18:19

I agree with the post that said they will be better able to look after your children in a place where they have roots and a support network and are comfortable, rather than taking on your children and moving to a totally new area.

I very much disagree with this line, yt the way:
"It's not really something you consider if you have no reason to think it will happen, is it???????????????? "

Who would look after your children if you were to pass away is very important, and I think everyone should consider it, even if they don't think it likely to happen. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow, after all.

SeaTrek · 11/05/2010 18:17

WOW YABU!

You cannot dictate things like that from beyond the grave!

Be massively grateful that you have two lovely people who would be willing to adopt two children like that. If you haven't ask yet, realise that this in itself is a massive ask.

I presume you have the funds to support them, or insurance, if the worst happened until they are 18 or through university?

mumblechum · 11/05/2010 18:08

It would be legally unenforceable. Your solicitor can insert a clause expressing your wish that they move house if reasonably practicable, but without imposing an obligation.

brightyoungthing · 11/05/2010 18:05

When my Nan died I was 11 and as my uncle ( Mums brother ) is disabled, me Mum Dad and sister moved into nans house to look after him.
2 weeks later my dad felt ill and it turned out he had pancreatic cancer and died 2 weeks after that.
Because he died while living at nans house my mum did not want to return to our old house so it stayed locked up with all our things inside, like a ghost house for 3 years before she had it re-decorated and we moved in.
It really helped us kids that we did not have reminders of dad around all the time, I think I would have lost my mind with grief if I had to see his coat hanging up or his tools in the shed every day.
Sometimes keeping things the same is not always the better option, I felt that I could deal with my grief almost from afar rather than having it thrown in my face at every turn.
Of course going back to the house was difficult, but as it had changed inside it was much more bearable.
Sorry-I should have said that the 2 houses are only 10 minutes drive from each other so we never had to change schools or anything, I just thought I'd share my experience with you to put another slant on things

harimo · 11/05/2010 17:45

Oh don't worry,I'm not really bothered. I did post in AIBU so knew what to expect.

Still abit at the 'are you dying?' comment though.

It's not really something you consider if you have no reason to think it will happen, is it????????????????

OP posts:

Hullygully · 11/05/2010 17:29

Oh Harimo, I'm sorry. We weren't laughing at the situation, just that particular line. It did sound funny.

harimo · 11/05/2010 17:26

Well, glad it raised a laugh,.

Not really a laughing matter here.

Yes, there are real reasons why I'm considering this.

maybe it makes you laugh. I take it reasonably seriously,

OP posts:

activate · 11/05/2010 17:21

yabu

alicet · 11/05/2010 17:19

sorry I knwo its inappropriate but pmsl at 'are you actually dying' and even more at hullygully's response

BritFish · 11/05/2010 17:18

hullygully, i laughed too.
now we're both going to feel really, really bad if the OP has a a terminal illness.

Hullygully · 11/05/2010 17:11

Are you actually dying?

That is my fave line of the day.

pippop1 · 11/05/2010 17:09

How about you put into the will that it would be ideal if they moved but you understand if they don't feel able to.

Trafficcone · 11/05/2010 17:04

Are you actually dying? Because otherwise
this is all utterly preposterous. YABUtterlyU.

expatinscotland · 11/05/2010 17:02

Totally understand where you're coming from, though! As stated, our deaths would mean my children would need to start their lives over in another country.

But the main thing is that I know they would be in a happy, loving home with people who cherish them.

alicet · 11/05/2010 17:00

There is no way I would move either. For a start mine and dh's jobs are not easily portable, although mine could possibly be it wouldn't happen overnight.

Secondly to move for my sister that would be to New Zealand so it would mean moving to the other side of the world from my family and friends - no chance. For bil it would mean moving 4-5 hours away. Both to a house much smaller than the one we live in at the moment. And in both cases away from our friends and support network.

I would hope that we could provide stability for the children if the worst was to happen. I also feel that aside from the practical concerns above, we would be better placed to do that somewhere we know and are settled than in a place we don't know at all.

MisSalLaneous · 11/05/2010 16:57

Yes, YABU. It would probably be more stable if not everyone were in a new environment too, so the existing friends and support network your sister and her husband will have will be worth something.

bonnieblue · 11/05/2010 16:57

Sorry! Totally unreasonable although I understand your feelings.

BuzzingNoise · 11/05/2010 16:56

YABU.

GeekOfTheWeek · 11/05/2010 16:49

YABVU

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AxisofEvil · 11/05/2010 16:45

I'm guardian for my DNephew if his parents pass but no way would I contemplate moving to their region if the worst happened - the child would need to come and live with me. And frankly I'd be gobsmacked if they suggested it.

thisisyesterday · 11/05/2010 16:35

well i think you're unreasonable to expect them to yes.
but there would be no harm in mentioning it to your sister and seeing what she says would there?

Clothilde · 11/05/2010 16:27

I think that you should talk to her sister and her husband about it, and ask them if it's something that they wuld feel OK abut doing.

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