my new boyfriend says he is going to vote BNP

[susia]

that's it really, I was really shocked and went into a bit of a rant. I can't believe someone I've been intimate with and been close to would vote bnp.

what sort of advice are you after?

I am not a troll. And no I didn't know the BNPs views about homosexuality, I know them only to be racist. I don't know if he is innocent, as he believes, of what he was sacked for from his job or not but he certainly feels he was.

thats not how it works susia, you can't tell people when or where to post.

And "half jewish-half english"? Thats rather meaningless isn't it?

Susia,

You say he seems to have lost his job unfairly. I say that for a prison officer to lose a job it will have been thoroughly investigated with plenty of evidence to show what had happened if it has anything to do with assaults on prisoners. He has told you what happened, so naturally he's going to try and present it in a better light.

Coupled with controlling behaviour and racist views, this is way more than enough of a red flag for me.

Get rid, pronto.

Scottish mummy, do you think all BNP followers have a swastika tatooed on their forehead, and all jewish people are supposed to reveal their background at first instance?

The poor woman has just realised about this nasty part of him. Which is making her reconsider/re evaluate her views on how he has behaved in the past. Isn't she allowed to do that?

A prison officer? So he was a Civil Servant. Do you know the lengths they have to go to sack civil servants?? It wouldn't have just been his word against the inmate's, they would have had evidence and done a thorough investigation. And let's face it, the inmate is already viewed as dishonest so any evidence would have to stand up.

I am a civil servant so I know what I'm talking about. If he tells you they sacked him based on someone's word then he's a liar.

i'd dump him. My sister is going to vote BNP or UKIP. Shame I can't dump her!

i see, then excuse my previous suggestion, I take it back. Although, if I were you, I'd want to find out the race of the prisoner, just out of interest.

What is the sex argument about (if you don't mind me asking?) - just the period thing or other stuff?

And he's not finding it hard to get another job cos of immigration, he's finding it hard to find another job because he was dismissed from his last one for bullying. And not just an employee - someone he was paid to look after.

By the way, true what they're saying about a prison officer being sacked, and there is a fair amount of racism in prisons. Mind you , there are a fair amount of foreign crims too which may have coloured your bfs view perhaps...?

i imagine jewish woman dating bnp man may create some frisson.given such conflicting opinions.and in normative dating relationships people do discuss where schooled etc

i think deliberately concealing jewish roots from bnp boyfriend is odd.i find susia rallying support for her man perplexing

she requests that i dont express opinion,as its is offensive but seems able to tolerate his opinions.

no the sex argument is about the period thing. That's it. I know it's probably me but I had a twelve year relationship where it wasn't an issue and I have really light periods so was shocked to find it a total no go as I am used to be being with someone uninhibited about things like this.

Now you have mentioned it, I will find out the race of the prisoner.

Ok - leaving aside the BNP thing for a moment (!) how did you end up arguing over the sex thing? Was it like 'oh I'm on my period by the way' 'ewwwwwwww gross that's vile stay away unclean woman!' When the issue came up with my DH, we were in a long distance relationship, i got my period on the last day I was with him, and he nicely said that he didn't really like to do that, we did anyway because it was the last time for a while but I haven't suggested it since because he respectfully told me how he felt about it. i think it's a bit silly but I respect his wishes, because he expressed them in a caring way. Arguments about sex usually come from one partner being disrespectful/unkind, IMO.

that would scunner me.cant compromise core values

the thing is he said he was going to vote BNP but when pushed further said he had always previously voted conservative and he wasn't 100%. He wasn't a holocaust denier, we did discuss this.

His views seem to be based on ignorance around immigration and views that are repeated in the more right wing tabloids about how 'ordinary english, christians etc can't practice their faith because of political correctness'.

If you read these papers, they are repeated over and over.

The thing is, susia, either his views are a deal breaker or they're not. And that's aside from the other stuff. So which is it?

IMO, you are with a man who was most likely justifiably sacked from a job where he had a duty of care for bullying , is in your own words "controlling and rigid", you are polar opposites it seems and he holds racist and most likely other -ist views. On paper, it doesn't sound good and makes a mockery of him being "kind and honest".
I don't mean to upset you, but I fund it very worrying that you would really be wondering what to do and I wonder how much control he actually has over you (the not answering the phone is another giveaway).

However, only you actually know him and of course you will be defensive of him, he is your bf. Maybe you feel a bit embarrassed/ashamed to have fallen for someone like that, I expect I would? Not your fault though, but make it right.

The period thing shouldn't be a deal breaker - my DP doesn't want to have sex when I'm on but neither do I - but the rest should.

I know a few posters have been fairly blunt but the bottom line is that none of us want to see you on here a year from now when he's started bullying and abusing you asking for advice about how to break free. There are too many ladies here who can spot the red flags a mile off. They are just trying to give you the benefit of their experience and save you a whole load of pain and grief.

Seriously, three months is nothing. Have you really invested that much in him that you can't end it and move on?

I do feel vaguely grimy even reading a relationship about such a person.
Urgh.
Bin.

I am made to wear a bell when on my period, Ericsmistress, and that is how it should be

Susia
that crap is certainly spouted in some papers. the thing is, people with sense, decency, empathy who are not racist don't tend to swallow it whole. Reading the Daily Mail doesn't automatically turn someone racist either - it takes a racist temperament to be sucked in by that kind of 'reporting'.

I don't get you. Either shit or get off the pot - stop trying to excuse him. He sounds like a prize wanker but if you want to waste your time with him go right ahead. I am failing to understand what you want from people here.

yes I know alot of people feel that way about sex during periods. He wasn't being horrible about it just not wanting to do it. I understand it is fair enough but I feel upset about it because it made me feel rejected.