to expect dp to spend a substational amount of money on an engagement ring?

[hotCheeseBURNS]

Like one month's salary? The whole point of having a "guideline" like that is that a month's salary is a lot of money. To eveyone, whether you earn £10K or £300K.

We don't have a huge amount of money, but we don't really have any debt, and we like having stuff, we live in a materialistic world. If dp is happy to spend thousands on a flash car, or hundreds on an electric drum kit, if he wears designer clothes (albeit from TK Maxx) and has a top of the range mobile phone, am I being unreasonable to think that I should get the same treatment? A ring to wear for the rest of my
life, to hand down to grandchildren? A symbol of our relationship.

OP - I think you probably need to stop fixating on one month's salary, sounds as if he doesn't like the idea and possibly he feels a bit as if you're treating him like a money-spinner? After all, you presumably bought the drumkit because it was the one you wanted/could afford, so why not do the same here?

Maybe you could think about the 'practical' stuff - if he's like I was when I was buying DP's ring, he may be wondering what on earth distinguishes a 20 quid ring from a 2000 quid one. It could just be he feels more able to judge something like a flash car or the drumkit and know he's making a good choice. If he understands what your (pl.) money is getting for you, he might understand more why you want it.

I am wondering whether I can demand a retrospective look at this? DH's month's salary is pretty sweet.

Pulls up argyle mine info...

Nothing wrong with a ring like this:

www.marksandspencer.com/Platinum-Plated-Jenny-Rock-Ring/dp/B001PNPYIE?ie=UTF8&qid=12 72728754&categoryNodeID=42967030&ref=sr121&page=&node=56570031&sr=1-21&mnSBrand=core&rh=n%3A565700 31

Aitch, I think I have misrepresented my dp, he isn't actually quite as materialistic as me. Most of his own money goes on things for the house or ds or saving up so we can have a holiday.

This issue feels a bit like mother's day to me, where I would like to be spoilt a little and he says "you're not my mother, why should I get you a card". That, and the engagement ring are trivial little niggles in the grand scheme of things which just come from the way we were brought up.

diddl, dp has looked at rings but not with me and apart from saying that he thinks a month's salary is silly, he hasn't given me any figures!

redwine

'Mine cost £200, and DH was 'earning plenty' by some peoples standards I should clearly be 'irked' although its the only ring that didnt make me look like Jimmy Saville on my tiny size H finger... you learn summat new everyday huh? '

well that was thinly veiled. teach me to be honest eh?!

We used one that I provided ( my grandmas ) because we just did, and we were church mouse poor at the time.I wouldn't want another one now. I love DH and we are celebrating 15 years of marriage this summer.

Littlereddragon - I am absolutely not fixated on the one month's salary thing BUT I do think that he should have to save up and get the best he can afford! If, because of other financial commitments, that amount is not close to a month's salary then fair enough.

YABU, yes. Childish and spoilt, too.

p.s. engagement rings are NAFFOLA

Hmm. I can see where your DP is coming from to be honest: why would he get you a mother's day card? But as you say, it is just to do with expectations you bring to bear really.

Can you convince him by saying that an expensive ring will last longer? It's true that platinum, for example, won't wear away/need re-plating like white gold.

Or maybe you could buy him something he'd like - maybe get a posh watch engraved for him? That way he might feel more interested in getting you something you like.

I think YABU to expect him to spend a 'certain' amount on a ring, it's just making you resentful. Surely it is more important to get a ring that you like and cherish, something meaningful.

Oops, took so long tying I didn't see your reply, hotcheese. Sorry!

I am just trying to see it from his point of view. IMO most things like this aren't really about one person being 'greedy' or the other being 'mean', they're just about miscommunication.

Btw, am I right in assuming you earn more than him and don't need to save up? Or do I misunderstand?

Dh bought me a really really inexpensive ring. It did not really matter. What mattered was that I wanted to spend my life with HIM, and he with ME, and I just did not care.

I knew LeQueen would have had a 'nice' ring.....see my previous post LeQueen!!

Sure lequeen. I think if we had gotten married NOW, it might be different, but as it were, I was a student, and he in his very first "proper" job, so we were just happy to BE.

lequeen - agree - and true for me most days!

I suppose im not into mega expensive jewellery though, I like silver if im honest, I just dislike the implication that something isnt worth having if it doesnt cost a lot. Gold with diamonds and all this traditional jewellery to me is rather boring.

RedRedWine...you should check out Diana Porter, she has lovely pieces in silver and loads bespoke too!

i don't think you can judge whether anything is 'worth having' unless you are its owner.

"p.s. engagement rings are NAFFOLA"

Well I´m really happy to be wearing my very pretty piece of naffola-I love it!