to be so fuming I need to ask MNer's for help with this

[BattyKoda]

I need help to write a stern letter to my Doctors surgery. I'm so angry I don't think I can manage it without swearing.

I have started a thread about this before here

The jist of it is:

DP took DS2 for his first set of jabs. The nurse told him she needed to get permission from "the person that gave birth to him" and phoned me. DP was really upset by this, his name is on the birth certificate, DS has his surname.

Cut to today and I have just taken DS for his second lot. It was the same nurse. She said 'oh I think your DP was a bit angry with me last time' I said, yes, understandably.

actually I will do this in dialogue:

Her: Well we have to ask
Me: Why?
Her: Becuase he could have brought him without your permission.
Me: Well are you going to call him today then? I could have brought him without his permission.
Her: No, the decision is down to the mother, the person that gave birth to him
Me: What about adoptive parents
HEr: well thats different, they have taken on responsibility
Me: My DP already has permission, he has equal parental responsibility to me
HEr: How would you feel if a childminder brought him without you knowing?
Me: WHAT?? A CHildminder??? He's not a childminder, he's the boys father!!!
HEr: OK, OK, well if he brought him without you knowing and I gave him the jab, how would you feel about me then?
ME: It would be nothing to do with you, I would be angry at him. It's not down to you to decide his parental rights, that was done when his name was put on the birth certificate
HEr: I don't want to argue
Me YOu brought it up (childish )

Just beofre I went she pointed to the consent form that I would need to sign if DP brought him again

So, more eloquent MNer's please help me with my letter

Incredibly bad typing...

just to check - although she handled it badly, it is the policy you're complaining about, not her?

But is it policy? I found on the other thread that most had never come across such a practice.

I asked if it was NHS policy and she replied, 'I was told in my training'. She was really quite rude to me, which I think is why I am so angry.

well i think that's what you need to query
if she is doing this then she either needs practice backing, or to be told she is BU
(which she is BTW )
Complain about the rudeness as well but make sure it;s 2 separate things

It matters not if it is policy or not, she should never be rude. Or equate a father with a CM.

My dh is a GP. Will ask him when I get a chance - round lunchtime when he usually calls.

i know once mum took DS for me and the PN said "You have brought your letter of permission hanen't you?" and when my mum started to say no she said "You HAVE, HAVEN'T you?"
But this was my mum - I'd expect them to query her, not the child's other parent

WHAT?! Am horrified! I think I'd go nuts...

Is it because you and your partner are not married?

Dh and I were unmarried for many years and I remember having to make quite a complicated will regarding the children because my (then) dp did not automatically have parental responsibility, as I did.

I remember something coming up about medical treatment too. I had the idea that it would be solved by getting married but I may be wrong.

weegiemum...that would be really helpful, thank you.

oldbea... my DP automatically has parental responsibility because his name is on the birth certificate.

If it is NHS policy then surely it needs to be reviewed?

Her justification for asking was that a father could take a child in without permission from the mother, but she wouldn't ask if it were the other way round. Surley parents these days have completley equal responsibility?

WTH? My ex-DH has taken our DS on several occasions for his jabs (maybe not the first ones) and never had any questions like this.

I have a current vaccs letter at the moment, the permission slip needs to be signed by 'Mother/Person with Parental responsibility'.

Your DP has PR so she was wrong, IMO. He is equally able to give permission for any treatment or vax.

Letter wise, I would write to the practice manager in the first instance, pointing out something along the lines of...

Dear Ms Blah,

I am writing to raise some concerns about the way one of your staff dealt with our family recently.

I was quite upset to be contacted by Sister Rude about my childs vaccination on (date) as his father brought him to the appt and as he has parental responsibility it was unneccessary, inappropriate and upsetting to my partner Mr X to question him in this manner.

I look forward to receiving a written apology from Sister Rude and hope she will be offered suitable refreshing/updating on the law regarding this.

Yours faithfully,
pissed off mother

Thank you moaningminniewhingesagain!

@ Sister Rude

At our GP surgery, a parent or legal guardian has to give permission. Big notice in the waiting room.

Other people can take children for vax if they have a letter of authorisation from parent or legal guardian.

everythingiseverything - They have that in place already. I would fully expect to sign a letter if someone without parental responsibility were to take our DS for his jabs, but not for his own Dad!

Just spoke to dh (who has, incidentally, spent the morning as GP available for issues to do with the vaccination clinic in the surgery!)

Your practice nurse is talking bollox! He said you should complain pronto about it, your DP is Dad and has PR and has as many rights as you about vax.

If there is an issue between parents about vaccinations, it is the parents responsibility to inform the surgery about that.

The nurse was waaaaay overstepping the mark adn needs to be reprimanded about it by the practice.

If you like, dh will look out a "proforma" letter for you to adapt to make such a complaint.

weegiemum - thank you (and your DH) so much for clarifing this! Would be fantastic if he could dig out the letter!

everythingiseverything - sorry I mis understood that sounds much more sensible

married or not, if he is on the birth certifiacate he has as many parental rights as you.

this policy is sexist and wrong and i would suggets illegal

It is illegal. And judgemental.

Dh will dig out the letter but possibly not today as he has a busy afternoon!

BattyKoda, sounds like our practice nurse, are you in Gloucestershire?

Thanks weegiemum - I want to make sure I get it right! Especially now you have clarified just how wrong she was.

No, not in Gloucestershire boiledegg...has this happened to you?

I said in the other post I was questioned when taking my daughter for her first jabs. I wasnt married to my partner then and my daughter and I had different last names. The receptionist checked with the health visitor that I was actually her mother as we didnt have the same name.