to be so fuming I need to ask MNer's for help with this

[BattyKoda]

I need help to write a stern letter to my Doctors surgery. I'm so angry I don't think I can manage it without swearing.

I have started a thread about this before here

The jist of it is:

DP took DS2 for his first set of jabs. The nurse told him she needed to get permission from "the person that gave birth to him" and phoned me. DP was really upset by this, his name is on the birth certificate, DS has his surname.

Cut to today and I have just taken DS for his second lot. It was the same nurse. She said 'oh I think your DP was a bit angry with me last time' I said, yes, understandably.

actually I will do this in dialogue:

Her: Well we have to ask
Me: Why?
Her: Becuase he could have brought him without your permission.
Me: Well are you going to call him today then? I could have brought him without his permission.
Her: No, the decision is down to the mother, the person that gave birth to him
Me: What about adoptive parents
HEr: well thats different, they have taken on responsibility
Me: My DP already has permission, he has equal parental responsibility to me
HEr: How would you feel if a childminder brought him without you knowing?
Me: WHAT?? A CHildminder??? He's not a childminder, he's the boys father!!!
HEr: OK, OK, well if he brought him without you knowing and I gave him the jab, how would you feel about me then?
ME: It would be nothing to do with you, I would be angry at him. It's not down to you to decide his parental rights, that was done when his name was put on the birth certificate
HEr: I don't want to argue
Me YOu brought it up (childish )

Just beofre I went she pointed to the consent form that I would need to sign if DP brought him again

So, more eloquent MNer's please help me with my letter

I think that that is a different issue Marantha

I have decided it was just the recpetionist getting a bot jobs worth... I mean... if you had have walked in with the child she would have assumed you were the mother and even if she had asked to clarify, she would take your word for it.

If you dont need ID to take your child for immunisations then there should be no rule over who takes them.

The nurse on here who said she asked a guy if he was the babys dad and he said no... if he had have said yes would you have taken his word for it?

I can see the points made here from both sides of the argument.

If both parents have different ideas about whether a jab should be given why should the mothers point of view be more important just because she gave birth when by law both parents have PR. Surely if a policy is drawn up then as many have said it should be stated clearly somewhere that both with PR give permission.

Probably opening up a large can of worms by asking this but if a mother took her child say for MMR jab which is contaversial still at the mo the nurse at this practice would give it as she gave birth to the child. What if the father with PR did not agree to this. Why is it ok but NOT for the father with PR to do the same thing - as last time I checked they had their part in producing a child.

Your surgery sounds terrible....my mum has taken my kids before without any problems. I just phone the surgery to let them know if my mum will bring them in.

There dad never gets questioned at all.

"The nurse on here who said she asked a guy if he was the babys dad and he said no... if he had have said yes would you have taken his word for it?"

Pretty much, I sometimes double check and say 'so you're named on the birth certificate then?' and if they look confused or offended I explain why I'm asking. But I don't ask to see the birth cert. When it boils down to it as long as I've satisfied myself that I am as sure as I can be that the person bringing the baby has PR then I will do the vaccs.

It doesn't happen very often, most of the time the mother brings the baby but we do occasionally get grandparents, childminders, friends or siblings bringing the baby for vaccs. They rarely get stroppy when we ask them to clarify who they are, but some get frustrated when we say we can't do the imms without speaking to the person with PR. I imagine they think we're being pedantic or jobsworths but we have a responsibility to get it right.

But whats the point if no evidence is required..??

I would never accuse a nurse or doc of being a jobs worth by the way just to clarify. Ive just met a fair few doctors receptionists who are... oh and school receptionists. Phew, but thats for another thread!

foureleven can you imagine the uproar if parents had to take birth certificates and proof of ID including a photograph to have their child immunised, bloody hell it's bad enough getting a red book from alot of them!

Sidge i would do exactly the same as you and so would all of my colleagues

There is no point if you don't ask for ID. I imagine we will tighten all this up in due course. Huge numbers of separated parents battle daily over issues like this - mother converts to Islam wants the 3 year old to be circumsized. Or parents always agreed no jabs ever but after divorce mother remarries a doctor who changes her views and takes children without father's consent to have the hated jabs.

In my view the only safe way to do it is ensure both parents consent but I can see how doctors' surgeries woudl find that very hard to manage and if in most cases tehre are no disputes it may be worth risking giong ahead without ID and written consents if that is then only causing a problem in a few cases.

A lot of separated fathers have difficulties in seeing their children's medical records or getting involved in their medical caer. It's huge problem with lots of injustices out there mostly against non resident fathers who should have as many rights as the mother.

surely when you register at a practice you have to show ID & records? It's been a long time since we registered in the UK, but I sort of remember some check on who we were - it was pre dd, so didn't affect PR.

banks keep a record that says they've seen ID or not, so can't a doctor's do the same? then they just need to check the records, rather than asking every time.

No I.D needed to join a gp practivce.

You fill out a form and give details of your last gp and they get the records.

Wow... dp took our ds2 for his jabs out here in the arse end of the civilised world (aka west of ireland) and it never even occured to us that there could possibly be any problem with that. I sent him as i'd missed his appointment and left it until he was 11 months to rebook it and didn't want the nurse to give out to me

Hmmm. but OP said that they have been registered with that surgery for some time, so the clinic should have on record who has PR.

OP, good luck with your letter! Let us know what response you get, if any.