to want to feed my 3 month old baby at a wedding that I am a bridesmaid at...

[AmyEW]

AIBU...one of my close friends is getting married. There are 5 of us that are bridesmaids (!!) 2 of us have got 3 month olds. She has always said 'no babies at the wedding' which we assumed meant 'no babies during the ceremony/at the party' but it transpires that what she means is 'no babies on site, at all, all day' We are both BF. We would obv time feeds so we could be there for all bridesmaidy duties and would slip away somewhere far away from the party etc to do the feed (both of us have asked our respective parents to babysit and had planned on them bringing the babies to us so we could quickly feed and then carry on with wedding stuff) I don't think it is unreasonable to want to feed our babies, and I can't help but feel like she has become a bit of a Bridezilla!! She has said that the wedding day has to be 'all about her' which of course I will do my very best to make sure it is, but I can't switch off the fact that I am a mummy as well as a friend. When she found out that even if we don't feed them that day, we will still have to disappear off every 3-4 hours to express milk that will be building up she was even annoyed about that...

A 3 month baby needs to feed on demand. BF just doesn't go with being a bridesmaid where you need to look pristine and not draw attention away from the bride. IMO.

Well said Salfresco - guests do 'homour' you with their attendance.

EW - agree re bfing a 3mo on demand but I still don't see why a bridesmaid can't do that at the wedding - it's so easy if the baby is there, especially if she has a partner or other extra pair of hands with her to take baby during the photos (which is surely the only time in the day when she needs to look 'pristine'?)

'honour'

Ceremony and photos can take a long time. Baby might want to feed during that time. Might also puke, I mean posset, all over Mummy's nice bridesmaid dress. Or projectile vomit on the bride or groom. Might cry excessively when taken away from Mummy. Mummy might cry too and get sore boobs. Too risky.

In this situation I would be positively encouraging projectile vomiting over bride!!

I'd do it myself if baby wasn't co-operating!

"BF just doesn't go with being a bridesmaid where you need to look pristine and not draw attention away from the bride."

This sentence only makes sense if you add in the words "to an asshole" after the word "bridesmaid".

My sister looked beautiful on my wedding, but I required neither looking pristine nor managing not to draw attention away from me from her.

I just wanted her to stand up next to me on a very important occasion in my life, and I was honoured that she did.

Ew, I think we'll have to agree to disagree. Personally, if my bridesmaid needed to bf, I'd just delay the photos until she was ready. But that's just my POV. I've already suggested that the OP stand down anyway, on the basis that the baby is going to have a miserable day if the bride's 'compromise' is adopted and baby's needs surely come first.

Ooops. Well she was clear from the beginning that it was no babies and its unfortunate that you didnt clarify exactly what that meant - we all fall into the trap of assuming someone means the same reasonable thing we would mean ourselves. And you were only pregnant so had no idea of how it would feel when you became a mother and how dependent a BF baby is and how totally visceral your need is to be there for your BF baby. And it sounds like she doesnt understand anything about BF and hasnt bothered to find out and is being totally bridezilla.

But I am going to go against the grain here a bit - she asked you to be her bridesmaid and you accepted knowing it was 'no babies'. You didnt really know what she meant, but you didnt check either. And I know you didnt know what it would be like. But you've agreed to do something, presumably your outfit has been bought and she has planned her wedding around you being part of it. If you didnt do it there would be a constant reminder of your absence everytime she looked at the other bridesmaids and if you had declined at the beginning maybe she would have asked someone else. I think it would be really unfair to her to go back on your agreement to be her bridesmaid.

So you are committed and must do it, but of course you need quietly to make it work for your baby. Apart from anything else, you mustnt take the risk of getting mastitis! Am sure once the wedding is on she will be too busy to notice exactly what you are up to.

So feed your baby just before you are on duty, maybe, if you can, and if your baby will take a bottle by then, express one feed so you can stay longer before taking the first feeding break and then for the next feed head off to the cottage or get your parents to bring your baby to you. She won't notice - how would she know where you are feeding? Your parents can text you so they wont need to bring the baby into the wedding itself.

You can certainly manage both.

And maybe she will realise what a wally she has been or maybe this will be the end of a beautiful friendship, but you will have done right by both her and by your baby.

hey tortoise, no offense taken, but if you see my earlier thread I did say that the BM needs to take the bride out to explain the importance of BF and hope she respects her needs. The bride may not understand how the whole BF thing works with regards to exploding boobs etc. I was just trying to see it from the brides point of view that she may feel the baby could steal her thunder that was all. and yes I do have identity issues as I have gone from being my fathers daughter, to my husbands wife and now I am now my daughters mother!

I despair really when a wedding (a marriage) is all about "thunder" and "attention". I just do not get it. That's why I steer away from these wedding threads.

It's meant to be a warm, loving, inclusive ceremony, not a performance

If a woman wants to be a princess for a day (ick) she can write to Jim'll Fix It.

I agree Olifin

I am going to be a bridesmaid to a friend when my DD3 is 4 months old (children are invited otherwise I would have declined).

I was initially a bit worried that it would create a bit of a problem (in terms of limitations on dresses etc) but my friend has been lovely about it.
Your so called friend is totally unreasonable. I hope she looks back on this and feels embarrased if she has a baby one day.

YADNBA - I've never been to a child free wedding and wouldn't want to IMO. But I've also never had to deal with a Bridezilla and would have no suggestion to give re saving the relationship you have with the crazy if you do step down as bridesmaid. Having said that it's her loss, people will wonder why she is 1 or 2 bridesmaids down on the original quota and start asking questions - maybe then she'll see that she's BU.

Still expecting my first baby but LO will be 4 months old by the time BIL and soon-to-be SIL get married - not a bridesmaid but even as a bog standard guest the bride and groom are more than happy for LO to be there and for me to use one of the rooms they have booked in the hotel for feeds as and when needed (this was organised a few days after the bride found out I plan on BF'ing)

xxxx

YADNBU - ridiculous behaviour on the part of the bride.

I was Best Woman for my friend who wasn't a bridezilla - DS1 was 6mo and bf, and the Best Man's son was the same age so we brought them along, but there was a case of MIL-zilla! The wedding was in her garden and she initially refused to let the babies come at all, then she said they could come and sleep in the house during the evening reception, but the house would have to be kept locked due to all her priceless antiques, and only one key was allowed, to be held by her.

I and the Best Man's wife said there was no way we would allow the babies to be left in a locked house to which we didn't have a key, and that if she tried it she would be greeted with the undignified sight of us both breaking in to get to them if they cried!