Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to breastfeed?

704 replies

VixeyV · 20/04/2010 23:04

Hi this is my first post but I have been a lurker since the start of my pregnancy.

Anyway, my question is I'm 20 weeks pregnant and the midwife keeps pushing me into breastfeeding. I just don't want to and don't get why she won't stop asking me how I'll feed.

To be honest, the thought of it freaks me out. I didn't breastfeed my daughter and she's fine on formula, she has aptimal because that's the best.

So what do you think? Should my midwife stop nagging me?

OP posts:
foxytocin · 21/04/2010 10:57

mrsbean there is no in joke about aptimel. many posters on this site are disgusted that the company uses false claims to get mums to choose their brand at a time in their lives when they are at their most vulnerable for lots of reasons including yours.

When trolls mention aptimel, it is because they are trying to get MNers to bite. Instead some regular posters who can read the subtext are really having a go at the troll, not mums like yourself.

I hope that explains the dynamics to you somewhat.

ooojimaflip · 21/04/2010 11:00

YANBU.

JaneS · 21/04/2010 11:09

Star, because it's good to distinguish threads like this from threads where someone just hasn't got a response on a sensible question. It's annoying to post a careful response to a question, only to realize that the OP is playing silly games.

mrsbean78 · 21/04/2010 11:11

Oh right, foxytocin.. (great name, wow!)
A bit that it isn't the best though!
As much as I hate that he's having it at all, I suppose that was a bit of comfort to me.. but it makes sense..

Strengthens my resolve to drop it when solids start. Advertising!

StarExpat · 21/04/2010 11:13

Yes, but like I said, someone googling, could find this thread and then get good advice instead of a list of people calling the op a troll and suchlike (then they are likely to dismiss all advice seen on the thread). Who cares if she's playing silly games?
"Trolls" and people doing this sort of thing in RL as well, they thrive on response and attention - even if it is calling them out on it.

I would feel fine about posting a thoughtful response and then finding out she was a troll... because maybe my response could help someone else.

beberose · 21/04/2010 11:17

I am new on mumsnet and now have been told I am a troll for mentioning Aptimil, I thought mumsnet was for mums not silly children who want to call people stupid names. Grow Up!

JaneS · 21/04/2010 11:23

Yeah, I see your point, but I did post sensible advice. Twice. Once I told her this wasn't the best topic for AIBU, and once I told her she was well within her rights to ask the midwife to stop pestering her. That's exactly what lots of other people did. Check the start of the thread: doesn't take long for someone to link to the baby feeding threads.

emmymama · 21/04/2010 11:32

i breastfeed and i am very pro breastfeeding, i believe its right for my children and wouldnt give them formula i'm breastfeeding my 13 month old while pregnant which wasnt fun at the beginning i can tell you but, that my choice

i can understand that some women arent comfortable doing it, thats their choice

well done for being honest btw, it annoys me more when women make up excuses,(like my friend who was adamant its not possible to bf twins )if you dont want to then just say that!

beberose · 21/04/2010 11:34

I think I might need to learn the code of mumsnet (sad) understand your point but still think all you professional mners should back off a bit from newcomers. x

StealthPolarBear · 21/04/2010 11:37

it is frustrating when people come back and don't respond to any posts that have been made in the meantime but just re-hash their OP, I agree

bebe, where did that happen?
lol at professional MNer, I am certainly going that way. Might have to turn the computer off for an hour or so this afternoon!!

TakeLovingChances · 21/04/2010 13:10

VixeyV if you're still there, please don't be downhearted.

Some people seem to take your personal choices as a slight to them, when really it isn't.

It's good that your MW is promoting bf, as that's her job to promote whatever the healthiest feeding method is. But at the same time this is your baby, and as long as you're feeding him/her and taking care of him/her then that's okay.

I am bfing my DS, but opposite to you in that my friends and family wanted me to ff. I made the choice to bf as I had read about it and made up my own mind.

You'd do well to read facts about bf and also ff then choose when you're baby is born. Don't take notice of what other people say.

Congrats on the preg.

mampam · 21/04/2010 13:19

It's your baby, you can feed him/her however you like.

I'm sure your pushy MW has given you all the information and pros/cons of breastfeeding vs bottlefeeding and it's up to you to decide.

Good luck and don't be pushed into doing something you don't want to do.

darkandstormy · 21/04/2010 13:25

vixey v do what you want,remember happy mother means happy baby.I didn't breastfeed had no desire to, in the big scheme of things it does not make any difference at all.

zippy79 · 21/04/2010 13:37

Its entirely your choice and don't be pressurised into anthing by midwives and health visitors. I breast fed for 3 weeks and then DC decided that it was not for her so we changed to Aptamil breast substitute and it worked out well for both of us.

Formulas are more advanced than they were a few years ago so they are fine to use

bishboschone · 21/04/2010 13:49

you need to grow a backbone. I didn't want to and told them to stop hassling me as they weren't going to change my mind. They swiftly gave up. I think it can verge on bullying to be honest, often tired vunerable women being forced into something they don't want to do.

whatthe · 21/04/2010 14:02

I breast fed for 6 months, and then I expressed milk and took it out in bottles for the remaining time as I have enormous knockers and if I wanted a life out of the house and not feeding in dirty toilets this was best for me. It was inconvenient (soaking wet bed every morning, drippy leaky nips, swollen boobeedoos) but if you're not prepared to make sacrifices or do the best by your dc then pack it off to grandma's and get back down the disco....

For me personally I don't think I could have lived with the guilt of producing a buck tooth, overweight, educationally disadvantaged, constantly poorly, more susceptible to cancer type child. If any of these things had happened and I hadn't have breastfed then I would have felt it would have been all my fault.

Yes..I listened to all the breast is best hype.

At least give it a go....

mistressploppy · 21/04/2010 16:05

whatthe!

Sassybeast · 21/04/2010 16:11

If you're 20 weeks pregnant, exactly how many times have you actually SEEN a midwife? Have things changed since back in my day ? I don't recall seeing a midwife after a booking in appointment until about 24 weeks or so ?

brightyoungthing · 21/04/2010 16:17

Well said whatthe

porcamiseria · 21/04/2010 16:24

agree this is BS, I am 22 weeks and have only seen a midwife for about a nanosecond. she had no interest in how I eventually feed it

NEXT!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 21/04/2010 16:26

I canni be arsed to read through the shed loads of replies, but has anyone else pointed out that it seems a bit iffy, plugging aptamil? Not sure whether to report for advertising or if im just being overly suspicious?

(forgive me if this has all been pointed out or if you OP have explained a bit better but I really do need to get my arse off mumsnet and wash my hair so I can actually look presentable for my rare night out with my friends tonight and plowing through 5 pages of BF v FF will not help in getting me off the laptop!)

StarExpat · 21/04/2010 16:27

I had seen a mw several times by the time I was 20 weeks. situations differ.

MorrisZapp · 21/04/2010 16:28

star expat, if you're so tolerant and non-childish, why don't you simply shrug it off when people call troll?

It's got nothing to do with you has it?

I call troll when I see troll, personally, always have. Only on MN are we so touchy feely that we're even hassled to hug a troll.

MrsC2010 · 21/04/2010 16:30

And midwives sometimes do talk about it earlier, mine started talking to me at my booking in appointment at 10 wks.

usualsuspect · 21/04/2010 16:38

Feed your baby how you like ...only on mumsnet would you get called a troll by admitting you didn't want to breastfeed...and by the way ,SMA is better then Apitimal..