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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to breastfeed?

704 replies

VixeyV · 20/04/2010 23:04

Hi this is my first post but I have been a lurker since the start of my pregnancy.

Anyway, my question is I'm 20 weeks pregnant and the midwife keeps pushing me into breastfeeding. I just don't want to and don't get why she won't stop asking me how I'll feed.

To be honest, the thought of it freaks me out. I didn't breastfeed my daughter and she's fine on formula, she has aptimal because that's the best.

So what do you think? Should my midwife stop nagging me?

OP posts:
foxytocin · 20/04/2010 23:43

"Hi this is my first post but I have been a lurker since the start of my pregnancy. "

jeez and i was just gonna start to believe you.

make up your mind.

ReneRusso · 20/04/2010 23:43

vg* Vinegartits

runnybottom · 20/04/2010 23:44

Just answer the question?
Ok, YABU. or YANBU. Who cares? Why would randoms on here make the slightest difference if you're already decided?

StewieGriffinsMom · 20/04/2010 23:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GreenAndSilverStars · 20/04/2010 23:47

You're not being unreasonable not to want to breastfeed - we all want different things.

You might be being unreasonable not to try to do it anyway, at least for a while.

Having a baby involves doing quite a few things we don't want to do (exposing fanjos to the world, waking up at night, changing stinky nappies... the list is endless) but we usually decide to do quite a few of them. Some we can't avoid, some we can.

It's up to you. You can give it a miss if you don't want to do it, of course, but be aware of what you're missing and what your baby will be missing. Maybe think about whether doing it for a little while would be worthwhile - the baby would certainly benefit, even if it wasn't much fun for you while you were doing it. Some people end up loving the convenience and ease of it all and really enjoying it, for others it's a chore for however many days or months they decide to do it. No way of knowing what it'll be like for you unless you try.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 20/04/2010 23:48

In your OP you said you had been lurking since your pg began, ergo folks natuarally assumed that you were lurking for 20 weeks as you stated you are 20 weeks pg.

Tiredmumno1 · 21/04/2010 00:08

back off you lot dont ya just love to pick, hey vixey dont worry about this lot, they usually go insane in the evenings, you will learn to ignore or stick up for yourself.

anyway before my first ds i was exactly the same, however i gave in and said i would try, but he didnt take to it so he was ff. with ds2 i tried again and he took to it, he was also ff aswell, and i actually got used to it quick (so much easier in the middle of the night than getting up to warm a bottle .

would you consider trying it in your own time when no one is around and see how you feel.

remember at least you know you have tried, thats an accomplishment in itself.

wastingaway · 21/04/2010 00:23

Trollolol.

Vinny, the link-master.

TheNextMrsDepp · 21/04/2010 00:34

Makes me so sad to read all this, please give it a go at least. BF is absolutely lovely. And never mind what's best for the babe, think of all the baby-weight it sucks away!

Having said that, after I gave up breast feeding it took me a while to let hubby have them back again.....

SirBoobAlot · 21/04/2010 01:14

VT I just spat tea all over my laptop.

I'm more amazed there is a bottle warmer under your bridge than anything else, OP. If you are going to try and rope us all in, best to iron out your story before hand. Contradictions = big hairy trucker.

EricNorthmansmistress · 21/04/2010 07:48

VixeyV, the breast and bottle feeding topic is the place to get advice on feeding of any type. AIBU is often a bit argy bargy so for something emotive like choosing how you feed your baby it's not a good place to discuss it.

If you want advice on feeding post on the other board, don't be put off.

And if this is a troll thread - well done everyone for being so measured and calm!

fartblossom · 21/04/2010 07:51

Well you ladies have kind of managed to do one thing. Thats to make me consider BF for no3, even if it is just for a sec but seriously I might actually give it a go.

I too didnt really want to BF so didnt. I too have heard Aptimel was the best, but never used it (too expensive and wasnt really sure if it was). Used SMA on DS, while PG with DD (3 years later) heard SMA was prone to giving child colic so fed DD cow and gate. DS had colic DD didnt have it as much, maybe its the formula, maybe not. However, as FF is not allowed to be advertised anymore we are not given any info about which one (if any) could be best. Although if they were then surely they are all the best depending on the advert.

However, OP (if you are genuine, which Im not convinced you are as your fact about how long you lurked changed) Ive found that during my years of parenting forums (Ive used at least 3 in the past 5/6 years) most posts about pressure on feeding seemed to be mums being pressured to FF when they wanted to BF, whereas, Ive always felt pressured to BF when I wanted to FF (Ive seen breast is best EVERYWHERE and it has made me felt pressured). So now I have made the assumption that what you decide to do you will get pressure from the other side.

I will say this though, I have lurked here for about a month or so and have just started to post in the odd thread, but I would NEVER come on here with a BF versus FF debate. I would NEVER post anywhere about it let alone on AIBU (although now Ive obviously broke that rule of mine). I believe if you want to avoid arguments never discuss politics, religion or how you feed your child

DuelingFanjo · 21/04/2010 08:03

"Hi this is my first post but I have been a lurker since the start of my pregnancy"

"I only found this site last week and have been lurking sicne then."

Which one is it then?

AmandaCooper · 21/04/2010 08:06

Lol @ VT

piscesmoon · 21/04/2010 08:09

Anyone who has been lurking for long would know that you don't ask questions about feeding on AIBU! ...Not if you want helpful replies.

SloanyPony · 21/04/2010 08:27

YANBU to not want to breastfeed. Not everyone wants to. Some do even though they didn't want to. Some just dont. That is your choice and its not unreasonable to feel that way, or to make that choice.

YANBU to think its weird for you to do it but YABU if you think anyone else who does it is weird, but I dont think that is what you are saying.

YABU for believing Aptimal is the best if you only believe that due to their marketing. YANBU if you tried various formulas and found Aptimal was the best for your daughter.

YANBU about the midwife if you have told her in no uncertain terms that you will not be attempting to breastfeed. She really only needs to fill in the infant feeding survey in your notes and tick the boxes that say she has told you about the benefits etc and that the discussion has been had and then there is no further need for it from a procedural point of view. As long as you have been definite and conclusive in telling her you will not be attempting it, YANBU to want her to stop mentioning it at subsequent appointments.

Oblomov · 21/04/2010 08:43

I think she's gone, ladies, don't you ?
How old are you Op ?
It does sadden me to read that you find it wierd.
But if you really do feel that way, tell the mw that you have decided and thus to please stop asking.

pigletmania · 21/04/2010 08:47

YANBU its your choice and should not be forced to bf, but YABU not to give it a go and try what harm is it going to do you, thats what breasts are there for. Why dont you just buy and electric pump and mix feed if you feel that way, my SIL who felt the same as you did, she bought a Medela Swing and expressed for 9 months as well as formula, at least the baby would get some breastmilk that way.

BertieBotts · 21/04/2010 08:56

OP if you had posted on the breast and bottle feeding topic, I doubt you would have got such a response - see this example of a thread from last year:

Am I the only mother on the planet who CHOSE bottle-feeding?

bilandsildrivemecrazy · 21/04/2010 09:14

Such lame trolling!

mamsnet · 21/04/2010 09:18

Well, would you look at who is talking..

porcamiseria · 21/04/2010 09:19

if you have been lurking you must know this will get some reactions! make your own decisions and dont seek validation from here I'd say

congrats on the PG tho

sungirltan · 21/04/2010 09:23

ff if you must (but please at least consider giving dc the colostrum!) but i think yabu and naive if you think you won't be (rightly) criticised/questioned at the very least for your choice.

ffs...it would be my 'choice' to feed dd puree'd fast food.

LittleMissHissyFit · 21/04/2010 09:25

What a waste of a few key depressions OP, a SECOND TIME MUM, saying she can't stand up to her MW... oh Bolleaux!

Trip ruddy trap, I'll give that a pitiful 2/10

ChunkyChick · 21/04/2010 09:28

Yes YABU, and this from someone who has had a lot of trouble breastfeeding, and has ended up (happily) mix feeding both my children. You should at least try. If it doesn't work out, fine, stop. But you ought to at least give it a go. Breastfeeding is so good for babies. Anyway, I bet when you meet your new little one you will love him/her so much that you will want to try. And who knows, you may well enjoy it!