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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to breastfeed?

704 replies

VixeyV · 20/04/2010 23:04

Hi this is my first post but I have been a lurker since the start of my pregnancy.

Anyway, my question is I'm 20 weeks pregnant and the midwife keeps pushing me into breastfeeding. I just don't want to and don't get why she won't stop asking me how I'll feed.

To be honest, the thought of it freaks me out. I didn't breastfeed my daughter and she's fine on formula, she has aptimal because that's the best.

So what do you think? Should my midwife stop nagging me?

OP posts:
sweetkitty · 21/04/2010 16:50

YANBU it is every womans right to chose to or not to breastfeed as long as she understands the reasons why BFing is better than FFing? I can understand why some women find it icky or whatever.

YABU to think Aptimil is the best, Aptimil must be laughing all the way to the bank, hey we will make a product that is inferior to BM, market it and convince mothers to use it and pay for it instead of the free better stuff and convince them it is the best (i.e. most expensive) on the market. Wish I had thought of it.

bishboschone · 21/04/2010 16:55

juat fot the record OP..my daughter is very bright, slim, fit healthy and never ill and she didnt have a drop of breast milk so I wouldn't always believe the hype . just do what YOU want to do.

VoilaAnotherGimlet · 21/04/2010 17:08

BF was mentioned at my "booking in" appointment, somewhat forcibly - giving the impression that my baby would be brain-deficient if I didn't. I'm no shrinking violet but I did feel brow-beaten about it after the MW had spoken for about 5 solid minutes on the benefits.

Only afterwards did I wish I'd asked her exactly how they supported mums who wished to BF but couldn't, as among my friends all wanted to but very few managed in the end. The MW was giving the impression that it was just a question of making your mind up to do so. Now, I do plan to, but I refuse to be cowed/bullied/made to feel guilty if I can't. And surely choosing not to is just another choice that should be open to women.

I "know" BF is "better" but tbh I haven't noticed a sub-species of FF children developing. So I am sceptical about the level of benefit in relation to the kind of pressure I felt I was being put under. And it's emotional blackmail to an extent too - the language being all about "best for baby" - which is all well and good, but half-starving a child (rather than offering top-up feeds) or having a mother with PND/stressed out of her head can't be all that healthy either. I just wish it was seen as an active choice and not another good mother/bad mother dichotomy to force us all into.

newpup · 21/04/2010 17:08

Neither of my Dds were breastfed. I chose not to, I am an educated professional, I had plenty of information on breastfeeding. I just did not want to do it!

Both my dds are tall, slim, very healthy and bright. It is your choice and no one elses how you feed your children.

Honestly, as far as I know you do not have to put on your c.v. if you were breast fed or not! By the time they start school it is not even relevant anymore.

Your body, your baby, your choice! Baffles me why some woman are so bothered how other women feed their babies.

Good Luck with the baby!

sheepgirl · 21/04/2010 17:08

sorry to go off track a bit here but why is apitmal the best i am breastfeeding but want to introduce a formula feed for my hubby when he gets in from work (can't be bothered/have no time to express as have 2 mth and 3 yr old). I was told SMA is very good?

Yabbu you will what feels comfortable when your baby arrives so don't stress

ArthurPewty · 21/04/2010 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sheepgirl · 21/04/2010 17:14

what does yabvu mean

IveStillGotIt · 21/04/2010 17:18

I saw my mw every week, from as soon as i found out i was pg! Although that could have been cause of my age at the time.
Anyway back to the subject, i forgot to say in my last message, when you get to the post natal ward, the mw's will probebly just let you get on with ff, it's the other mums that will badger you and bang on about bf! I got dirty looks, they were all whispering about me, (not very discreetly either, i could hear every word!) One mum (who was friendly enough!) was bf, but having alot of difficulty, and the mw suggested ff to her, and as she was so grateful that her dc finally stopped crying (dc had cried non stop!) she decided to just stick with ff. This didnt go down well with the 'whispering ringleader', who stood at the end of the poor womans bed TELLING her to bf again, and having a go at her for not standing up to the mw! I just sat there trying not to laugh at the loony, whilst saying to my ds, loud enough for her to hear "i think it's time for your BOTTLE darling"!

5DollarShake · 21/04/2010 17:24

I am 25 weeks today and going for my 4th midwife appointment tomorrow. I think it varies from doctor's surgery to doctor's surgery.

YANBU to find it 'icky' - there is no point piling onto someone to say it's normal and natural and what God intended our boobs for - if someone finds it icky, then they find it icky. Better to talk around that issue and see if it can be resolved than just telling them they're wrong. Having said that, I do have a problem with anyone witnessing a breastfeeding woman feeding her baby and finding it 'icky'. They, on the other hand, should just get a life and find something real to complain about.

I dunno - I am massively pro-breastfeeding - for myself and my babies (DS1 was b/fed until 13 months of age, when being pregnant, I decided to have a break before the arrival of DC2), but how other women feed their child/ren is of zero relevance to me.

It does seem a shame not to want to at least give them colostrum, but it's no skin off any of our noses if the OP chooses not to.

ArthurPewty · 21/04/2010 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tartyhighheels · 21/04/2010 17:37

I think you are being unreasonable and quite selfish not even to get over yourself and give it a go. If even in the face of all the evidence you would rather dig your heels in because it is 'icky...' then good for you but not so for your baby eh? nevermind. Even just giving the colostrum is hugely beneficial.

Trust me when I tell you, baby coming out of fanjo is a lot more 'icky...'

TakeLovingChances · 21/04/2010 17:43

sheepgirl

yabvu = you are being very unreasonable

darkandstormy · 21/04/2010 18:37

daisy cow whatthe back to the kitchen sink

darkandstormy · 21/04/2010 19:12

and now onto the weather.....

StarExpat · 21/04/2010 20:12

MorrisZapp you're right. I was being just as childish and immature to get fired up about the troll calling as everyone else was to call troll. Same amount of childishness
It does irritate me... I guess more so because I very often don't post stuff because I'm afraid of being called a troll if I do, and it shouldn't be like that. But, you have a good point. People are quite silly to call troll and not just ignore it. And I am just a silly to call them on it. Equal immaturity there. I should have ignored them.

Cadders1 · 21/04/2010 20:23

What is troll?

whatthe · 21/04/2010 20:24

what the hecky thunp is a troll?

SageandOnion · 21/04/2010 21:06

I BF for a bit, and I remember being accosted outside Mothercare ( this was about 18 years ago ) by a MW and clip board banging on about BF, with an army of, really, over zealous, supporters. She asked my if I was and I told her no, not any more. She wittered on about was it the pressure to give up, did I feel like I shouldn't be doing it, lack of places to feed my baby - so I told her, that I stopped becuase everytime I came my milk shot out every where - her face !!!

Its your body, do what you want to do - try it, don't try it. Really, there are moms that burn their kids with cigarettes and let them get abused by their boyfriends. I think some perspective needs to be applied about all this, non ?

RedRedWine1980 · 21/04/2010 21:07

Sage!!!! when the devil did you join here

Feelingsensitive · 21/04/2010 21:09

Surely a troll.

And if you're not. Spend some time reading about the pros and cons and then decide for yourself. You could express and feed with a bottle for as long as possible that way you are not doing the actual feeding which seems to be freaking you out the most.

Your body. Your choice.

SageandOnion · 21/04/2010 21:19

RedRedWine, I've finally de lurked and found my typing fingers. Albeit, very poor typing fingers - like a pound of pork sausages they are.
Things may never be the same...

SageandOnion · 21/04/2010 21:21

Cetainly not the spelling.

darkandstormy · 21/04/2010 21:29

my dd7 not a drop of breast milk ever never had a day off school ever yr 3 now,slim v bright, no rashes allergies, anything, ds4 the same.wonder if that would have been the case if they had been bf. By the way I too am degree educated, and married to a gp,so well informed.Just not well persuaded tbh, and like to come to my own decisions on these issues,as everybody has their right of choice.

MiladyDeWinter · 21/04/2010 21:41

"Pressure" to BF upsets women? Before they have even given birth? Oh please.

When I had DS I asked the midwife to "check" my latch the night he was born. Check it? She wrenched his little neck right back hurting him to get him off, not breaking the suction so it damaged that nipple for days. Then she grabbed it and pinched it and stuffed it in his mouth all the while forcing his head onto it until he screamed.

The original latch was fine - I just wanted reassurance and that's what I got.

I treated the injury with Lansinoh but ended up feeding and comforting him all night long and was so exhausted that I forgot to complain about it.

I'm sure there are plenty of MNers who can tell tales of crap HCPs who have done similar things.

To whinge about the "pressure to BF" is very unreasonable given that so many women who want to and understand how beneficial it is are given shite-all support.

You won't actually get hurt being spoken to about BF, will you? You don't want to, fair enough, but it's not a big deal for people like you.

MiladyDeWinter · 21/04/2010 21:52

Oh and I'm now a smoker (evenings, ladies, in a big cardigan and the end of the garden before my shower) and I drink two glasses of wine three times a week.

I'd like another baby next year and will stop both things. Should I come on here and complain because my midwife wants me to make healthy choices for my unborn baby?