AIBU to not want to breastfeed?

[VixeyV]

Hi this is my first post but I have been a lurker since the start of my pregnancy.

Anyway, my question is I'm 20 weeks pregnant and the midwife keeps pushing me into breastfeeding. I just don't want to and don't get why she won't stop asking me how I'll feed.

To be honest, the thought of it freaks me out. I didn't breastfeed my daughter and she's fine on formula, she has aptimal because that's the best.

So what do you think? Should my midwife stop nagging me?

I am really sorry Olifan Piscesmoon scottishmummy I did amend it later to say NOT

I bgreastfed one dc and not the other, my FF when is healthier than the bf one.

*breastfed

I really hate this ergonomic keyboard it has a life of its own

lol bruffin!

its a bf thread no one else is sticking to full facts.dont sweat it

Well I have got to blame something!

i find funny the difference in approach in different countries, here looks like a lifestyle choice, imo, in spain e.g. you are expected to breast feed, if you don't, people, especially your family, will ask why, only if there is a problem the doctors allow/suggest mix feeding, very rarely ff alone goes without preaching on the mother for not trying their best; it can be difficult but bf is normally successful if you persevere, sister was told that when she attempted to ff due to exhaustion, doctors told her it is an aberration to give formula to a new born, wasn't necessary in the end, 3 weeks practice and became bf master, also in public opinion, bf is not gross, or freaky, or anything other than a natural way of feeding babies, healthy, convenient and free, by the way. i do feel for mothers that try to bf and can't, hope never happens to me, but not trying as a lifestyle choice should be frown upon... imagine someone refusing to clean her baby, or dress her apropietly,... you wouldn't say it is her right or choice, i don't see the difference
sorry if i'm preaching but got tired of reading nonsense.

That's very interesting about Spain.

This breastfeeding promotion video is from Puerto Rico. It's absolutely gorgeous - gorgeous song, lovely mummies, lovely babies. But I've had a good laugh imagining how many people would be left frothing at the mouth if they showed it on UK TV!

OMGthatchildstoooldtobreastfeed!

Well - taking previous comments by Scottishmummy on board, would anyone like to suggest how infant feeding choices can be explained to women in a way which acknowledges the risks and benefits of both ff and bf and DOESN'T offend people who don't want to breastfeed or who've struggled with it?

Remember - you need to give people evidence based and comprehensive information.

If there is good quality research showing higher rates of disease in non-breastfed babies, obviously this needs to be communicated to parents.

Would anyone like to suggest how this might be done in a way not to cause distress and guilt to mothers who don't wish to breastfeed?

I think the only way is for the government to invest in more breastfeeding consultants in hospitals. I was convinced I would breastfeed and also thought that those women that don't actually never really tried. But my boy never opened his mouth enough to latch and despite the nurses and midwifes pushing him against my breast and pinching my nipple, it NEVER happened. By 5 weeks, he was able to bite me but never latched. I went to the hospital consultant, had midwifes visit almost every day, paid for a private one. Nothing.

However, at the hospital the situation was like a comedy: I was asking for help, a midwife would come later and spend a minute and then go. So baby wouldn't feed and I would then ask for formula, hoping that would sustain him and give him some strength.

What we need is availability of specialists around the clock. Even at 2 in the morning, somebody should be able to help a new mother and baby breastfeed. Not just verbal support, somebody there to correct your posture, to show you how to break the latch that doesn't work. I was just crying a lot, waiting for help that never really came. Even though they kept me in for 2 days to establish breastfeeding, I was just waiting and waiting and formula feeding.

In the end, I expressed for 4 months, it tool me very long to stop feeling like a failure, to stop feeling my own son rejected me. That's why it bloody hurts when you're told of disease-spreading FF.

i think is horrible that you were made to feel bad about yourself instead of being supported, nelly, i think is a cultural thing, i read in the papers often how a woman was bullied for bf in the cafe, the bus or some other public place, i am terrified that may happened and i'll feel ashamed if i do it or guilty if i don't. it is a general feeling that is gross and should be done in secret where nobody can see you, thankfully, this is changing, and ahead of birth i got myself a support group for bf mums so i can get encouragement and practical help if i find it difficult, and some bf friends for added public support,also some friends are planning to bf which is great,... but expressing is good, and at 6 months you're introducing solids so, after that you're off to a good start,...
a different thing is some woman, i know a couple, who refuse to give the baby even the colostrum, one friend of mine said it is because she didn't fancy a baby as a boob accessory, i laugh so much she got offended, but it is a silly reason...

alle01 a support group of friends sounds like a great idea. I think I was really naive and though it would be easy; as long as you know there may be obstacles, you're going to be well prepared and hopefully all will work out. Good luck! If anybody dares make a negative comment about breastfeeding, just squirt them straight in the eye

I've followed this thread with interest.

IMO the OP wasn't a troll (I may be wrong), but someone who is confused/lacks support/unsure of her own views.

I think that in UK many people feel the same way and are swayed by adverts - for formula and a range of other things.

I think we can have all the facts of the day about cancer rates, IQ, diseases etc and it won't change much until society changes it's view on what breasts are for.

I'm bfing my son while I type this in the comfort of my living room and all is well. Do I feel as comfy bfing him in the local cafe, on a seat in the shopping centre? No, not really. I feed him out and about because he gets hungry, but I do feel a bit wary of doing it at times. Not because of anything to do with my son and I, but because I'm aware that to some people bf isn't the norm and that there's something deviant about it.

titty I watched that video you linked to. I agree it was a lovely display of mother's with their kids. I also watched some other of the video's of women bfing that we're related to the one you linked to. Some of the comments people had left were awful and puerile; things about wanting to suck the women's boobs because she was sexy, that she must be getting sexual pleasure from feeding her child as her nipples were hard etc. Not good at all, made me feel and

People have a weird idea about boobs, but that's a social issue, not a biological one.

I'm not going to say anything about any of the posts on here, or comment on anyone's experiences, but I just wanted to say what I just did to widen the thread out a bit.

titty,disseminating health information is complex.no one method works.need a range of approaches

understanding your audience who are you talking to
what are you trying to say,what are the aims

an ability to vary message ,different people need different approach

when disseminating a message face to face its really about listening and collaboration and seeing client pov without being seen to hector or bully.giving bf information that is evidence based and reputable eg cochrane library,reputable journals.some studies out there oft citied are disputed,poor quality and can be alarmist.

acknowledge different modes if feeding.pro and con of both without being alarmist or preachy
Developing rapport between bf advocate and the mums.
Reflection of views held by both bf advocate and the mums
evidence base what info is there out there
Partnership working,talking to,not talking at mums
Respect for choices made.accept some mums for what ever reason do not bf
impartially explore options.balanced information about bf and other feeding methods. support with decision whatever is chosen.
if working face to face Negotiation and maintenance of an intervention if face to face plan.follow up support

essentially implementing any health decision is about Individual's readiness to change or attempt to change toward recommended specific behaviours.and finally acknowledge mums aren't compelled to chose one particular feeding mode over another

regular supervision and support for staff delivering feeding info.acknowledgement of their own issues.transference and counter transference.boils down to tact and empathy and not supporting all choices even if not congruent with one own

boils down to tact and empathy and supporting all choices even if not congruent with one own

here here scottishmummy..... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I just say that I go to an NCT baby group and we are all doing it differently and we have all brought new experiences to conversations. I got some fab advice about how to feed discreetly in public with a muslin under my boob to help positioning and not have to hold it.......and was able to help a desperate bf mum choose which bottles to use as she wanted to express and ds wouldnt take a bottle. we offered a shoulder to a mum who had so wanted to bf but it didnt work and had been scared to come to group in case everyone was bf and she wasnt......now that would have been so so sad!!! OUr babies are all doing everything differently and at different times. its a real supportive place and whilst the NCT are pro bf there is NO SHAME thrown at people who are not bf. i take an expresso so who there knows its breastmilk.... i havent told them and i dont feel the need!!!

OP....if you dont bf just get as much skin to skin contact as you can....tuck baby under your clothes and let them feel your warmth......a lovely way to feel close.

'OP....if you dont bf just get as much skin to skin contact as you can....tuck baby under your clothes and let them feel your warmth......a lovely way to feel close.'

Thats a great piece of advice - and you NCT group sounds great. Like most NCT groups, women help and support each other.

The difference is this is AIBU on Mumsnet and the OP was directly asking for opinions. Indeed she has thanked people for them, for or against. It is INTERESTING for new mothers, prospective mothers, old mothers, sisters, daughters, MILs, SILs to read information, which is often from highly reputable sources, about the pros and cons of FF.

She also said that Aptamil was the best, and it would be remiss of people not to point out that that is completely bollocks.

I think this subject would have got the same response on whatever chat section....AIBU or whatever. its one of those subjects. however i get a bit befuddled with quotes, evidence and big words and prefer to hear womens own stories..... after all if i wanted quotes from reports etc i would google them myself and not come on here asking other mums for advice!!!!! perhaps OP feels the same..... she wanted real experiences from real women not facts and figures and research.

i use aptamil and it is fine...... lots of people have said their babies have been settled on it so i thought i would try it. dd had cow and gate and was awful ....wind and colic ....but think she would have been like it anyway......have heard mixed reports about SMA....some good, some bad. perhaps try cartons first to see which suits but be aware that they contain more lactose apparently which can irritate babies. but on the other side cartons agreed with my dd when she was colicky as it is mixed so well and i couldnt get the powder as well mixed as that.

formula is difficult to absorb for babies, if they are going to get colics, they will, no matter what formula you use, apparently the problem is some missing 'ingredients' that makes breast milk so diggestable, also the fact that in small babies it is very difficult to know exactly how much they need and a tiny little extra can become very upsetting for their tiny stomachs, and the breast always 'knows' the precise amount.
but, hey, if you can't breastfeed, you'll just have to be very careful every single time you prepare a feed.

It's your choice.

I really wanted to breastfeed and was successful with my first child. I breastfed him until he was just over one - no formula. I assumed it would be the same with the second but he was hungrier from the start and I just couldn't keep up with him. I persisted with breastfeeding, giving formula as top-ups for three months, then threw in the towel and switched to formula.

So much more effort, all those bottles and paraphenalia. Big pain - boobs were easier!

Boys now 9 and 7, both enjoy rude good health.

Do what is right for you, but be aware that the health lobby are correct about breast benefits, but a happy mum counts for a lot too.

my son gets windy and sicky with breast milk.....and is fine with ff. alle..... that is scaremongering..... are you trying to frighten people or just wind the situation up!!!!! OH AND bf BABIES GET COLIC TOO!!!!

COLIC is about how the baby feeds.... how well they are positioned, how much wind they take in and how much they are able to get the wind up!!!

scottishmummy - I have no problem with ANYTHING you're saying. Yes - you're right. The message has to be tailored to the audience.

I don't support women being 'lectured' by health professionals and neither do I support people being personally abused, or name calling, but all of those things will happen on internet boards like this because - well, the CONTEXT is different.

You've been incredibly rude and self-righteous at times on AIBU. Also sneering. And in the case of 20.46. 13 lecturing and pedantic. Do you communicate with people like that in RL? I suspect not. It's a free for all on here - which is why we like it.

So why are you making assumptions that people who come onto threads like me and post at length, quoting research in support of their argument would take the same approach into their encounters with mothers in RL?

hi sparkly, good day to you too
apparently, following research that is why ff babies get colic, no idea why bf babies get it, also there is known cause for colic, they would tell you how to avoid it if they knew, i think.
i am not frightenning any body, i am not even giving opinions or questioning anybody, i just gave a scientific piece of data, to the best of my knowledge, there is no need to shout or insult any body, and just to make it clear once again, i am not against ff, i think that bf is best if possible, i have never condenm any body for ff, even if it is just cause they don't fancy it,... and every baby is different, what is right for yours may not be right for mine, and that is why i don't judge people, it is very difficult to judge a situation from a couple of lines in a blog.