To get a teeny bit irritated by people who "parent loudly"

[Rollergirl1]

I was at the swimming baths yesterday and there was a mother with her toddler DD getting her dressed into her swimming costume. They were sat the bench just across from me and mother kept up a running commentary in a booming jovial voice the entire time...

" Come now Evie, shall we take your trousers off now? What colour are your trousers? Are they pink? Can you say pink? Oh good girl! Can you stand up for Mummy? No Evie, stay here like a good girl. Gosh you are a little monkey aren't you. What sound does a monkey make? That's right. Okay, shall we bring Ducky with us? What colour is Ducky? Is he yellow? Oh you clever thing. Can you say ducky? What sound do ducks make? Quack quack yellow ducky." And it went on. And on.

It really isn't a crime atall but I got the distinct impression that it was all for everyone else's benefit and she was expecting everyone in there to comment on her exceptional parenting and how well she interacts with her child, and isn't Evie just the cutest little thing and how old is she.........when instead I was just thinking SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

I know it probably makes me sound like a right cow but I just find the whole "look at what a great parent I am" thing kinda irksome.

Starkadder, very well said indeed.

Lequeen:

"But there are ways and ways of expressing your pride and pleasure without becoming a figure of ridicule to other people."

How nasty! Why do people care so much about the interactions of others, loud or otherwise? As for the rest of your post: so a soft emotional glance is okay but verbal interaction of a type you don't approve of is not? Who made you judge and jury?

I am amazed by the apparently genuine belief on this thread that if parent looks around while talking to their child it means that they are not interested in their child's reaction, more that of their audience... or that if they have certain food tastes that come across when communicating to said puppet child, they are 'broadcasting' them for others (as no one ever shouts to their little darlings to get the fishfingers/apples/bread/insert-food-that-doesn't-offend-you-as-a-class-marker-here in Sainsbury's?)

No one cares that much about you. The egocentricism of posters who believe other parents' interaction with their kids is done for their benefit is staggering.

i was on the train yesterday with my SN 3 year old, constantly talking to my son about everything and anything, asking lots of questions and asking him to point things out for me, the alternative would have have been a 3 year old boy, running around on a train, screaming and making himself floppy!! .......the whole time i was looking around wondering which of the other passengers may use mumsnet!

Lol, I was in a cafe yesterday with my ds2 and we were sitting in silence, to me, nice comfortable silence (he had a comic) but I was thinking about this thread most of the time!!!

Here's a good example, can't believe I didn't mention it eons ago in this thread.

Mother of one of my ds's friends told me that her ds is gifted at maths and leaves the others in the class way behind. That would include my ds then!! Lol! And the voice was so loud. And it was in Tesco. And I had to slither away with my duffer of a son....

I haven't read the whole thread but I do agree about performance parenting but ( not sure if its already been said) I have to speak loudly to DS1 because he is hard of hearing and I would hate to think people were judging me for it so please bear this in mind if you hear a loud parent- it might be me!

Well, as a parent of one of the 1% whose language acquisition is not happening very nicely and naturally I hope that is not true and that I am able to do something to encourage DD to speak, which won't make "bugger all" difference.

And no, not being "professionally offended", just "non-professionally saddened" by that post.

No Lequeen - that's not it. The op outlined a perfectly normal conversation used as a strategy for managing a toddler. The sort of normal conversation lots of us have and that's why I thought the op was wrong.

What has taken me aback is the vitriol spewed in the direction of those who thought the op wabu. Apparently it's not ok to disagree with an op in aibu anymore
That makes me think that perhaps it's those judging parents who have been rumbled - as nasty minded, overly judgemental harridans? Surely not!

We went on holiday with some friends a couple of years back (they had one DS who was 8).

Everywhere we went they had to read everything to him and constantly made him look at this, look at that etc

Every meal we had to play a game of I spy or ' I went on holiday and i packed an.... apple' instead of just talking

By the end of the week me and DH were just like, aarrgghhhhhh

well, I hope they do LeQueen.

yes very annoying!! but i more often hear o for god sake sit down general shouting screaming at kids, which winds me up more!!

Not getting far at the moment but maybe soon.

This thread is like a car crash - I need to move along for the sake of my blood pressure, but keep coming back to see yet more people willfully missing the point and bristling with indignation.

DS and I were in the park yesterday and I could see a Dad pushing a toddler in a pram in the distance. He was chattering away and, reminded of this thread, I thought how nice it was. He was doing exactly what so many people here are determined to be offended by, and missing the point completely - chatting with your child is lovely, and hardly going to offend anyone!

Anyway - he got closer, and then I realised he was talking into his hands-free and ignoring the child completely.

I do similar thing at times but with the aim of distraction for ds not to attract the attention of others. My toddler ds is at that stage where he will sometimes go off on a 'wobbly' and dressing/changing can be one of these times. I have found that talking in an excited voice about anything random that I can think about keeps him quiet and still so I can get on with the job. Never thought about attracting attention from others who will think I am showing off, more about avoiding the attention I would get if he was kicking and screeming around the changing room floor with me fighting to get his clothes on. Most of the time I am happy to ignore him let him get on with things while he is playing nicely.

Of course you can disagree on aibu, that's the point. However, what has frustrated some people is that people are fighting the wrong fight -not what the op meant at all.

OK the example the op gave wasn't the best one to illustrate the point of performance parenting but she admitted that herself. What I got from the op was that that example reminded her of the whole business of PP and posted about it to start what was I think supposed to be a light hearted joke about PP.

I don't think I am getting the wrong end of the stick, I just couldn't care less if someone wants to talk loudly about the Latin names of plants with their children, or their motives for doing it.

I think most of the examples that people have put on here of 'performance parenting' are pretty unrealistic, and I have never heard anything like that in rl.

I just hate the whole judgey, 'look at how amazing that parent thinks they are-what a prat' thing, it seems horrible and mean spirited.

My elder son didnt really start talking until he was about 3,,he couldnt see the point,we all understood his own lanuage and all the kids learnt it.
1..Evies mummy is a school teacher.

1. Evie will be an only child.

3.Evie will shove off as soon as she can and take up with someone totally unsuitable.

1. Despite her mummy, Evie will grow up.

1. What noise does a monkey make?

Lequeen 'northern for every parent using this technique to keep their child interested and focused because they have SN, or similar, there are probably 10 parents who are purely employing this technique because they want to be perceived as being a good engaged enthusiastic parent'

Now you really are talking bollocks.

"Language acquisition happens very nicely and naturally in 99% children just by listening to normal conversational output from other people"

Actually, LeQueen, the figure is more like 90-94%. 6-10% of the UK's child population have communication difficulties, of varying severity.

I am interested that you say that this thread might help others realise that 'people Just. Don't. Care'. It seems, actually, that you do care, in contrast to the many, many people who have come here to confess that something in the description in the OP resonated with them, for whatever reason, and that they had never for one second realised there was a silent audience out there judging their every word and sidewards glance.

I really don't believe that the percentage of people who chatter to their kids for the benefit of others is anything like the percentage of parents who are just trying to communicate with their child, keep them calm, help them learn, break the silence etc.

Well done, though, on undermining their efforts to be decent parents by telling them it makes sod all difference. That's particularly pleasant for the parents of kids with SN, don't you think? Hey, let's bung 'em all in institutions as there's no hope.... oh yeah, you are upholding the jokey nature of the thread here, definitely.

A lot of very much do care if parent becomes a verb. We cringe to see that in a thread title. It is the only reason I came on the tread and I've only read the comments above. We have a public duty to protect the English language. I received a personal email frmo the editor of the FT (to his credit) when my children and I pointed out you cannot say The FT will not publish on Good Friday" recently. The sad thing is that parents who use parent as a verb or who don't think... "publish what" - don't these people know instinctively about transitive and intransitive verbs are passing down those mistakes to their children who will then not realise and be disadvantaged for the rest of their life and sniggered at by others.

On the more material issue some people are louder than others. The British way has always been of self deprecation and saying sorry if someone knocks into us. It's done us rather well over the years. I'd exhort mumsnetters to perpetuate these national characteristics.

Xenia, I thought 'parent loudly' was a particularly effective and succinct way for the OP to convey her point of view. How would you re-phrase the thread title?

Parent is not a verb. Anyone educated cringes when it is used as such.

You can't say
I parent
He parents
She parents
We parent.

It makes you sound like a fool. A parent is a noun.