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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a teeny bit irritated by people who "parent loudly"

434 replies

Rollergirl1 · 16/04/2010 15:16

I was at the swimming baths yesterday and there was a mother with her toddler DD getting her dressed into her swimming costume. They were sat the bench just across from me and mother kept up a running commentary in a booming jovial voice the entire time...

" Come now Evie, shall we take your trousers off now? What colour are your trousers? Are they pink? Can you say pink? Oh good girl! Can you stand up for Mummy? No Evie, stay here like a good girl. Gosh you are a little monkey aren't you. What sound does a monkey make? That's right. Okay, shall we bring Ducky with us? What colour is Ducky? Is he yellow? Oh you clever thing. Can you say ducky? What sound do ducks make? Quack quack yellow ducky." And it went on. And on.

It really isn't a crime atall but I got the distinct impression that it was all for everyone else's benefit and she was expecting everyone in there to comment on her exceptional parenting and how well she interacts with her child, and isn't Evie just the cutest little thing and how old is she.........when instead I was just thinking SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

I know it probably makes me sound like a right cow but I just find the whole "look at what a great parent I am" thing kinda irksome.

OP posts:
starkadder · 17/04/2010 19:10

haha I actually do not even have any organic crackers in my house and never have...BUT I defend to the death my right to talk about them in public if I want to!

Move not really off the ground yet..is in early planning stages...

gramercy · 17/04/2010 19:14

Yay, LeQueen. A woman after me own heart.

I can't believe it. I keep coming back to this thread and still more posters are bristling with offence. My faves are the ones who have to talk all the time to their offspring in a loud voice because they are so advanced and need such a lot of stimulation. And the rest of us are jealous (jealous!!!) because our dcs are a load of duffers who wouldn't recognise a conversation if it was plastered to their faces with organic rice cakes.

I jabber a lot to my dcs (and in fact ds is at that age when he reprimands me for my loud voice - I am very embarrassing), but I plead to every god there is that I have never twisted by head to left and right to see if anyone is admiring me and my dcs. Heaven forfend.

electra · 17/04/2010 19:17

Well, I think YAB a bit U if the parent is parenting their child kindly (however loudly) What upsets me is when parents shout at and smack their children in shops / in public and appear to revel in it when the child is distraught and everyone is staring...

AliGrylls · 17/04/2010 19:24

What if you naturally have a loud voice? DH can't help himself from talking loudly. I am sure people would think he is a loud parent. He isn't. He doesn't expect people to love DS or say what a wonderful father he is. It is just his natural decibel level. He speaks the same to DS as he does to people on the phone - like they are a bit deaf.

DandyLioness · 17/04/2010 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

gramercy · 17/04/2010 19:31

But it's the looking (bashes head against thread wall).

It's not the loud voice, the clear voice, the any voice. It's the twist of head round to make sure that people are appreciating your top parenting skills.

GRRRR Permission to kill this thread because I keep coming back and getting steamed up over people misunderstanding ON PURPOSE just so that they can keep on being offended.

JunoWatt · 17/04/2010 19:33

look
i htink we need to accpet that some people will get hurt feleing over this BY CHOICE and move on to enjoying the thread

i dont like ones about all SORTS of things but i hide em
so if you are being Professionally Offended then MOVE along.

it reminds me of the philip pullman hting he said about his new book

LISTEN from 25 mins onwards

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/04/2010 19:37

But this is AIBU..so only people who thinks the OP is NBU should post, and others should hide it?

theslumbertaker · 17/04/2010 19:38

But my issue here is how do you know why the person in question looked around? Just because somebody looks around, does it really have to be that they are checking for approval/admiration? Isn't this a bit presumptuous?

As others have said, I sometimes look around after speaking loudly to my dd, because I am naturally fairly quiet and don't like attracting loads of attention. If I am being louder than I prefer to be in order to be heard/listened to, I may look around to check that people have NOT noticed. If I do catch someone's eye who does seem to have overheard/listened in, I may smile or raise my eyebrows or something else, because I am embarrassed and feel uncomfortale, not because I am thinking how wonderful they must think I/my dd are.

JunoWatt · 17/04/2010 19:38

i woudl suggeest you say" this is what i think"
the other side says well i think you are misundertsnading it

at that point i hide it

starkadder · 17/04/2010 19:38

I think because performance parenting is potentially in the eye of the beholder...just because we get the impression that someone is being smug and show-offy doesn't necessarily mean that they are.

I didn't think the OP was B that U, actually - but I was taken aback by some of the enthusiastic agreements and anecdotes about awful "pushy parenting" - because I love talking to my DS and might well discuss the different names of dinosaurs or different languages etc - I like talking about that kind of stuff and he doesn't seem to mind (!)

I would be mortified if anyone thought I was doing it for an audience and this thread made me uncomfortable because it's such a grey and subjective area. Basically, I'd like to know how I can still have interesting conversations with my child and be 100% sure that no-one who happens to overhear me thinks I'm a twat. I don't think it is all about volume, surely?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/04/2010 19:39

I do see a lot of people shouting "GRRR" and saying they are getting very het up though, and I am not sure why, tbh, I thought "oops, is that me then", but wouldn't get hugely worked up about this thread.

JoeyBettany · 17/04/2010 19:43

IKWYM

I used to regularly see a very annoying part time SAHD who would read loudly to his actually rather uninterested ds when we were all crowded into a very small foyer waiting for the bloody pre school to open.

I just found it very patronising- his air was of 'look at me all you mums, it's SO important to read to your children at EVERY opportunity'.

JoeyBettany · 17/04/2010 19:47

I can spot a parent who has been on a Webster Stratton parenting course from 50 paces

retiredgoth2 · 17/04/2010 19:59

...I confess to being absolutely delighted when my twin boys (then aged 7) started loudly badgering me in the supermarket..

'Daddy, can we have sea bass please! We love sea bass...'

I replied loudly 'not sea bass again, boys, lets have mackerel, it's fresh and local..'

..then looked around me for admiring looks from other smug parents.

Then remembered I was in CHAVSDA.

Sigh.

When I took them to Waitrose the fuckers badgered me for Pop Tarts.

The shame.....

NewShoesonMonday · 17/04/2010 20:27

sometimes i prob fall into the category of OP by chattering away in mad way to DS (2) who is completely oblivious - doing it to keep self sane after lack of sleep / busy full week at work etc etc.. so doing it subconsciously. i await the knowing irritated looks but frankly i'll be too frazzled to care at the mo

displayuntilbestbefore · 17/04/2010 20:36

lol retiredgoth2

That'll teach you for being secretly pleased with your sea-bass-eating offspring

debaronz · 17/04/2010 20:40

How can you tell whether a conversation is "for everyone else's benefit"? You may jump to that conclusion but there may be other explanations, as so many posters have pointed out.

displayuntilbestbefore · 17/04/2010 20:45

debaronz - I reserve judgement on this one tbh. He looks round him too much after saying things to her which makes me think he's wondering if anyone's listening and then if anyone is out in their garden or getting out of their car, he immediately involves them in conversation, laughing about how much his daughter likes looking for wildlife...
I'm sure there are loud parents who don't mean to be but this guy seems a bit of an attention seeker tbh

kerstina · 17/04/2010 20:53

I don't think yabu .We are all different and parent in different ways. My neighbor used to go through a whole ten minute performance every morning encouraging her children to say goodbye to her husband and talking in very loud voices .It used to irritate the hell out of me i was still in bed and it was before i had my own child.
I was not like this when i did have ds a quiet goodbye would suffice. I think it boils down to the fact i am naturally quiet and introverted so being this loud is hard work for me ! However i have been trained as a nursery nurse so know that talking to a child is vital to their learning and development it just does not have to be done in a really loud voice IMO !

Tinuviel · 17/04/2010 21:20

I haven't read the whole thread but some of us happen to enjoy talking to our children and have intelligent geeky children who are interested in stuff.

And some of us grew up in families with partially deaf people and therefore developed louder voices! And some of us have partially deaf children and need to speak louder than other parents.

Sorry for spoiling your life by talking louder than you like to our children!

MartinlovesDebi · 17/04/2010 21:43

Today (in public, natch) I yelled at my eldest IF YOU DON'T STOP DOING THAT I WILL NOT TAKE YOU TO THE JAPAN CENTRE.

My dh laughed like a drain. And I thought of this thread.

taffetacat · 17/04/2010 21:49

pmsl @ retiredgoth2

AngryWasp · 17/04/2010 23:35

No, the OP said nothing about 'looking'!

AngryWasp · 17/04/2010 23:40

And I agree that the most 'offence' has not been taken about the OP, but the reaction towards people who pointed out to the OP that the example could be a bit upsetting.

The OP has actually defended her post to some extent, clarified her meaning and admitted it could have perhaps been written better.

It is some of the posters that jumped to her defense that have caused the most hurt, implying that parents with children with SN are professional whingers or something. Now that IS offensive.