To get a teeny bit irritated by people who "parent loudly"

[Rollergirl1]

I was at the swimming baths yesterday and there was a mother with her toddler DD getting her dressed into her swimming costume. They were sat the bench just across from me and mother kept up a running commentary in a booming jovial voice the entire time...

" Come now Evie, shall we take your trousers off now? What colour are your trousers? Are they pink? Can you say pink? Oh good girl! Can you stand up for Mummy? No Evie, stay here like a good girl. Gosh you are a little monkey aren't you. What sound does a monkey make? That's right. Okay, shall we bring Ducky with us? What colour is Ducky? Is he yellow? Oh you clever thing. Can you say ducky? What sound do ducks make? Quack quack yellow ducky." And it went on. And on.

It really isn't a crime atall but I got the distinct impression that it was all for everyone else's benefit and she was expecting everyone in there to comment on her exceptional parenting and how well she interacts with her child, and isn't Evie just the cutest little thing and how old is she.........when instead I was just thinking SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

I know it probably makes me sound like a right cow but I just find the whole "look at what a great parent I am" thing kinda irksome.

it does make me laugh, a lot of this kind of chat is clearly what they have been taught to do on parenting causes. These parents while generally lacking in general common sense hense the need to go to classes! at least want to try and get it right.
that said i would rather see that, than some low life swearing and screeching at their child in the street.
Fast forward 15 years who will be the most antisocial teenager, swearing, spitting and causing trouble out on the streets.

LOL - it comes as no surprise that you have no such lack of confidence in your parenting LeQ

I did a bit of loud parenting the other day. I think it may have been my ultimate MC mum/MNetter moment. We were in John Lewis (see, perfect setting) and DS and I discussed Newton's third law of motion. He is 8. When I realised what I was doing, I laughed. A lot. And thought of MN...

Rollergirl thank you for making me larff

...me and my SIL call this particular method "East Dulwich Parenting". It makes my teeth itch.

Ah yes Spingheeled Jack, I am in the same locale and know exactly what you mean.
Anyway my child has a poncey name (and so do I ) and I am probably guilty of dreadful middle-class public parenting too - point is I don't care and am choosing not to take offence. I am quite possibly laughing at myself here, absolutely not taking the piss out of anybody with special needs.
Lol at the dog story though. I love poncey dogs, especially pugs.

"Can you spell onomatopeia" would be better surely?

having just got back from our local pool, where I'm surprised tickets weren't being sold for the display of performance parenting, I couldn't agree with the OP more.p

Haven't read entire thread, but just wanted to say i have a pal that comes across as v loud like this, turns out she herself has a hearing problem, so doesn't know how loud she sounds.
Also, my niece had glue ear, and a speech / language issue as a result. We were all encouraged to speak in the kind of manner you describe to help her learn.

I think you are being very mean spirited. I would far rather hear a parent talking to and engaging their child than ignoring them or being foul mouthed. You don't know anything about their situation, maybe there are reasons for talking away like that, maybe the child's speech is slow and they're trying to help that, maybe they just like talking. You are being very judgey.

We do a running commentary with DS as he's being brought up abroad in another language and I want him to hear as much English from me as possible. He's a late speaker (has about 10 words spread over both languages at 2 yo) and I want him to hear as much English as possible. I'm always saying things like:

Oh look DS there's a dog, what do doggies say? We saw a doggy yesterday, what colour was it? Yes it was black, very good. and it had a long tail. etc ad infinitum. I'm sure if you heard me you'd be bitching away about me and I think that's really not nice.
YABU and a bit of a cow.

Fanjo darling, I'm sure you're doing a lovely job with your daughter and no one is judging you. And if they are it's just b/c they don't have all the information, so who cares? Pipoca, that is entirely different.

Whoever mentioned the aubergine thing is dead on. It's like AmazingBouncingFerret said- it's those who do these things and then desperately glance about, trying to catch someone's eye so as to have validation as to what an incredible parent they are. I've probably done it and so have most people but it does get a little grating, so OP, IMoh so humble O, YANBU.

Oh, AnnD, when I mentioned the mother popping to the corner for some smack-I hope that wasn't the comment you meant when you said "either you're parenting loudly or you're a heroin addict apparently" (not exact phrasing, sorry.) Because if it was, that wasn't what I meant at all. I just meant that, yes, what the OP is talking about is annoying, but in perspective it's not a horrible thing, as is the scenario I mentioned. I didn't mean your options as a parent were smugness or smack, certainly.

Oh look DS there's a dog, what do doggies say? We saw a doggy yesterday, what colour was it?

that is not offensive

this is

" OJ LOOK DS THERE IS A DOG - WHAT SPECIES IS IT? WHAT GENUS IS IT. NO DOGS DONT SAY WOOF THEY SAY OOAGH OOAGH IN FRENCH" AND so on

you are STIl fucking missing the point

here is the donkey dad thread

Yup. And "Oh no, little darling, we mustn't eat those crackers! Here, mommy has brought you some lovely whole-stone-ground-wheat-organic-made-with-eggs-from-chickens-who-sat-around-at-a-spa-all-day-hoe-ba ked-snack, etc,etc from home! Much better, isn't it? Oh all right, and now where's your spring water, we mustn't drink that sugary juice, must we? Now how do you say, may I have them please, in Mandarin? Oh very good!" and on, and on, and on, andonandonandon!

If you want to feed your child such things I certainly don't care but there's no need to make a production out of it. To me that is tantamount to saying "Haven't I made the best parenting choices, therefore yours are inferior, please look upon me with awe!"

Er, home-baked. Oops.

In response to OP, it is terribly irritating and my mother does it with the kids if we ever go anywhere together.

In Docs surgery the other day when she came to help me everyone is sat either silent or talking between themselves very quietly and she starts booming out to DS2 about some crap.
Sh can't help herself and does it at any opportunity.

My DS with learning difficulties has very delayed speech, you will hear me chatting to him like this (maybe not so loudly but...). Nothing to do with impressing other people, everything to do with trying to help him learn as much as possible.

What a funny thread! I am probably guilty of having done this at some point but with 4 boys whose idea of fun is bouncing up and down every trip is a new and varied humiliation for me and anything to shut them up entertain them is good with me. How about performance watching?

If I sit there and ignore them you can GUARANTEE a tut or two followed by "your son is bouncing up and down" or "your blanket is dragging" etc etc
YES I KNOW HE IS! HE'S BEEN BOUNCING UP AND DOWN FOR THE LAST EIGHT HOURS AND YES WE ARE ON THE BUS WHICH IS WHY I AM HANGING ONTO HIS LEGS FOR GRIM DEATH!

So basically I can't win although having them performance parent my kids is possibly a tad less embarrassing than doing it myself. I've yet to make up my mind!

So...'it ain't what you say it's the way that you say it'? It is the non verbal part which differentiates?

Ann - that is your point. You have made it well. I get it, I think most people get it.

That particular point is still not in the OP though. Compare your examples to the OP example.

I absolutely don't think that Rollergirl meant to offend and was just mentioning something (quite lightly actually in her OP). But the particular incident in the OP is what people identify with their own parenting and which is causing them to say "but I do this..." and feel that OP is BU.

I think that explanation has been very clearly made and accepted by Rollergirl v graciously actually.

Not actually sure why I'm bothering any more.

Nooo - it is what you say. That's why somebody who is talking frequently and repetitively to their child because of speech delay shouldn't be offended by this. Read the examples below to see the difference!

But you don't know which children have special needs, so how can you be so sure?

pipoca I am in the exact same boat as you - native English speaker in a foreign country. I don't know about you, but I am the ONLY every day source of English that my daughter has. So, obviously, I talk a lot. About everything. i bore myself.

But this is not the same as the point the OP was making. We're not showing off or speaking to our children for the benefit of anyone else. And if anyone doubts that people do this - trust me - I know of many people who do. One in particular will be texting on her phone when she thinks no-one is looking, and as soon as someone is there, will be Performance Parenting. As soon as she is alone again - back to her cell phone or computer, or whatever.

TBH, I think we have a whole other set of problems with people judging us. People assuming we haven't bothered to learn the language etc.

Does screeching '[DS1]... get your sticky paws off that and get over here NOW' at my 3 yo count?

had to go to the toy shop today for the playschool and somehow ended up bring ds1 with me.... nerves were rather fraught after the 12th time i'd turned around and he had disappeared so i may have volumised slightly too much..... people stopped and stared