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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a teeny bit irritated by people who "parent loudly"

434 replies

Rollergirl1 · 16/04/2010 15:16

I was at the swimming baths yesterday and there was a mother with her toddler DD getting her dressed into her swimming costume. They were sat the bench just across from me and mother kept up a running commentary in a booming jovial voice the entire time...

" Come now Evie, shall we take your trousers off now? What colour are your trousers? Are they pink? Can you say pink? Oh good girl! Can you stand up for Mummy? No Evie, stay here like a good girl. Gosh you are a little monkey aren't you. What sound does a monkey make? That's right. Okay, shall we bring Ducky with us? What colour is Ducky? Is he yellow? Oh you clever thing. Can you say ducky? What sound do ducks make? Quack quack yellow ducky." And it went on. And on.

It really isn't a crime atall but I got the distinct impression that it was all for everyone else's benefit and she was expecting everyone in there to comment on her exceptional parenting and how well she interacts with her child, and isn't Evie just the cutest little thing and how old is she.........when instead I was just thinking SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

I know it probably makes me sound like a right cow but I just find the whole "look at what a great parent I am" thing kinda irksome.

OP posts:
DebiNewberry · 16/04/2010 15:34

Oh god no, YANBU. There is talking to your children for their benefit, and then there is talking to your children for everybody elses. And you can always tell the difference.

ConnorTraceptive · 16/04/2010 15:35

Ah see now you've made me feel self conscious, ds2's speech is quite delayed so I find myself now talking repetively about anything and everything in the hopes he'll pick up the odd word

but at the same time I kinda know what you mean.

Psammead · 16/04/2010 15:35

I don't see anyone saying that talking to your children and praising them is a bad thing...

MrsShu · 16/04/2010 15:35

agree
just talk normally
not showing off abotu their ability to split the atom
we have our own kids -we dont like yours

Pikelit · 16/04/2010 15:35

It isn't about praise and focus though is it? Nobody would criticise a parent for that. Or, one would have hoped, be so stupid as to think it was wrong to talk to your child.

It is the sort of "Performance Parenting" that pisses people off. Because you can see that it is being done for the benefit of an audience. Not for the benefit of the child.

Original poster
Rollergirl1 · 16/04/2010 15:35

Northernlurker: I think the key is to have a little volume control. That's all.

Tummytime: That's quite a leap you made there. Well done you.

OP posts:
MrsShu · 16/04/2010 15:36

lol at performance parenting
" nad now algie will do a triple salko"

yes that is S.A.L.K.O

Northernlurker · 16/04/2010 15:36

I can't believe how much this thread is upsetting me. Makes me nver want to go out again until dd3 is 10.

MrsShu · 16/04/2010 15:36

roller is on fire today

mrsbean78 · 16/04/2010 15:36

I don't know. Who knows what's going on here?

I used to work as an ABA therapist for a kids with ASD and could be seen in all sorts of community settings interacting very much like you describe. We called it therapy.

These days, I'm a speech therapist and have been pretty much taught to 'talk a running commentary' with kids. Well, within reason. Balanced turn-taking and all of that..

so I sit here with my four month old, jabbering on at him. And I watch my mother, his grandmother, who has no speech therapy 'training', do pretty much the same. Less questions, I guess, than jabbering.

In the supermarket, you will often see me singing 'The Grand Old Duke of York' to my baby as it seems to be the only thing (apart from - bizarrely - Journey's Don't Stop Believing) that will calm him when he grumbles.

Certainly not done for anyone else's benefit. Certainly NOT about 'displaying'.

Why do people read so much into other people's actions? Why assume it is a judgement on you vs the parent just doing what is natural for them with their child?

MrsShu · 16/04/2010 15:37

step away from the puter.

KERALA1 · 16/04/2010 15:37

With you on "tummy time". Its up there with "play date" shudder.

Dd is a very serious 3 year old. If I try any of that stuff with her she will say "please just be quiet mummy" which suits me fine.

KatiePul · 16/04/2010 15:37

OMG I hate this! Clearly a 'pushy' mum, a 'my child is better than your child' mum! Just so you know, WE DON'T CARE THAT EVIE KNOWS DUCKY IS YELLOW!!!!!!!

MrsShu · 16/04/2010 15:38

but do you sing it loudly looking around for approval?
no
therefore not PP

BitOfFun · 16/04/2010 15:38

Has anybody seen the film "Away We Go"? There's a brilliant example of loud parenting in that- if you haven't seen it you really should.

Pikelit · 16/04/2010 15:38

Time to get the stale buns out I think.

porcamiseria · 16/04/2010 15:39

Northern

I BET you are not annoying when you do it. honestly!!!

there are some people that do it in a teeth grinding "look at me" superior middle class way , and others that dont!

Are you Northern? as its mainly a southern thing to be honest

everyone talks to their kids on days out , of course!

mrsbean78 · 16/04/2010 15:41

MrsShu

I probably sing it loudly to drown him out.. and look around nervously wondering what people make of the lunatic singing in the frozen food aisle, wishing I had the guts to do the Journey song because it would quiet him faster..

SixtyFootDoll · 16/04/2010 15:41

Performance parenting - love it!

LOL at Kerala's DD telling her to be quiet.

minipie · 16/04/2010 15:41

don't have such an issue with loud parenting generally

but I do laugh a bit when I see a parent explaining veeery clearly and politely to their PITA child (who is running riot) why what they is doing is wrong or annoying to others...

...and the child just blithely carries on doing it...

sometimes you NEED to get cross with your children, folks

DebiNewberry · 16/04/2010 15:41

Oh darling what's your favourite ice-cream?
Mumble
Sorbet? You like SORBET? And which is your favourite? Is it that one we had last week, darling?
Mumble
BASIL AND LIME SORBET? Is that your favourite? BASIL AND LIIIIIME?
Mumble
Mmmmm YUMMY Basil and Lime SORRRRBET

And so on.

Forced upon my ears on bus recently

DarrellRivers · 16/04/2010 15:42

I am very noisy and prone to shouting if -forget where I am
So sometimes accidentally loud parent
But am not over effusive so probably balances out

Psammead · 16/04/2010 15:42

Genuinely sorry, Northernlurker if my post upset you. It's really NOT about people chatting away nicely to their kids - I love hearing that.

It's about people who talk AT their kids and look around at everyone else trying to catch their eye to exchange smug smiles etc. It makes me cringe.

I'm really glad you had a nice time today - don't let AIBU get you down!

UnquietDad · 16/04/2010 15:43

Whenever I hear anyone doing this kind of thing I actually think first of all "I bet she's a Mumsnetter."

Kneazle · 16/04/2010 15:43

I know a woman that does this with her four year old. The four year old is a genius according to her and is Trilingual. Every time the child answers her questions she says "Thats right x and what is that in German/French" then turns to you for confirmation that the child is indeed amazing. This is all done especially loudly if you are out in a group having coffee so that people for miles around can applaud and cheer.