To want my 1 year old to eat healthy food and be left alone about it?

[littlesez]

Ok so I am sure IABU but just wondering if there is anyone who agrees with me eeeeek!

My daughter is 14 months, she eats what I eat which happens to be healthy stuff and often steals it from my plate I dont let her eat sweets, chocolate, cakes, crisps, juice and such but often feel as though people (other mums) think I am being mean Like I am depriving her in some way, just by general comments.

From my girl being a few months old I had MIL (who is generally lovely and just wants to help) asking me to give her some rusk at bedtime and suggesting formula because I had done so well to get this far BF

FIL has started to comment now. She doesnt have meat as I don't eat it, and she doesnt have dairy for a few reasons. He has lectured me about how important Iron and Calcium are for her. My response was that she gets plenty in her diet. He was then questioning me about what she drinks. Have you tried her with ribena? my response is that she has water.

I just don't understand! she eats plenty, loves her food and is healthy so why mess with it?

I know when she is old enough she will go and eat what she wants but while she is a baby I just want her to eat the right stuff and don't think i am depriving her.

I'm not hopping mad or anything just wish people would stop questioning me about what she eats/doesnt eat

YANBU.

As long as you're chilled out at children's parties where she will eat lots and lots of rubbish!

And don't deprive her of the odd biscuit at toddler groups so she doesn't feel left out.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8620231.stm

YANBU it's nice to give them a good start & they don't need all the processed crap & sugar etc

However, make the most of it, by the time number 2 comes along you'll wonder why you bothered!!

The thing is though, you'll have to develop a thick skin & a deaf ear or you'll end up lamping someone!!

YANBU. You're doing a great job. I get the same. Ribena used to be promoted as high in vit. C until some A'level students proved it was just marketing spin. And older generations seem to accept more sugar & salt as ok. I'm sure they mean well.

As long as your HV is fine with the vegetarian/dairy bit then stick with it.

I think YANBU on one level. People always judge, just accept that & get on with it, don't pay attention to them.

But I have to admit that to me you sound unreasonable too & a tad obbsessional about food. No juice (what's wrong with a bit of juice)? no dairy? no meat? No sugar?To me that sounds a bit too much (too many nos). I do think some sweets here & there, with moderation, is really not a problem, in fact, it teaches children that sweets are a normal food & not the work of the devil. But its really up to you at this point how you feed your DD. I just think you're not doing her any favours restricting her diet so much.

YABaaaaLU, Ribena the cannot have until 3 year of age anyway, water is fine that's why my children have.

Can I ask about the Dairy, that's the only bit I am at, meat is fine, as she can get supplement with that from her veg, as she can veg (spinach etc) but dairy is good for her to gets a whole pack of vitamins in her, A,D,E, and K.

Dont give her formula, at 14 months she does not need it, and also your still BF (well done x ) and she certainly does not need sugar laden sweets etc..

Picante, I know I have a party tomorrow i'll have to get over myself for that I think.

Thanks for the link widowwadman. very interesting read. She has carbs with every meal like porridge, potatoes, rice, bread, cous cous. Plus she has high fat foods like avacado, seeds and olives. Hoping I cover everything in terms of different food groups and she eats LOADS

chipping in, my skin is thin and I do a lot of tongue biting! Thing is with IL's they think they are helping so I just smile and then ignore the "advice"

Kathyjelly, he does mean well. It just annoys me that he thinks aww poor deprived girl having to drink plain water Not really spoken to HV.

YANBU, but you will need to relax as she gets older. Food is a sociable act as well as fuel and people will give her chocolate etc.and she will get invited to parties.If you try to rigidly control as she gets older then you will be making the forbidden seem very attractive. Eat what you normally eat on your own, politely ignore comments but accept that the odd juice or crisp with someone else isn't harmful. Set by example rather than control.

YANBU - DS is a year this month and I have so far managed to stop juice (bad for teeth and he's perfectly happy with water) and chocolate and sweets (don't want him to get a taste for them sooner than he needs to) from entering his world. He does have cake sometimes as I consider cake to be one of the major food groups - but only a little bit of what I'm having, not a whole slice to himself.

He also hasn't had red meat yet as I am a vegetarian and just don't cook it. I do cook him chicken, fish and lots of lentils/tofu etc so he gets a good and varied diet.

I have had to make my wishes re: sweets, choc and juice very clear to grandparents (who still, of course, bought him easter eggs in the hope I'd relent - I didn't - very mean). I'm not sure why grandparents are so desperate to feed their grandkids sweet stuff, I know I wasn't allowed it when I was little.

Stick to your guns - she's your DD and it's up to you (for now) what she eats or doesn't eat. I am fully aware that once DS starts going to his childminder I will have to relax my 'rules' as it wouldn't be fair for the rest to be having a chocolate button and him not, but I'm fine with that - hopefully his lack of sweet stuff in the first year or so will go some way to avoiding him being a total sweets addict later on.

piscesmoon - "Set by example rather than control" - I think that's a great thing to say/live by. I might put it on my fridge

Took my DGD to Mcdonalds (she usually has a chicken wrap and water)

This time she asked if she could have lemonade because "Mummy said that lemonade is a sometimes drink"

When I asked her when the last time she had had lemonade, she couldn't remember.

So she had her lemonade with the chicken wrap.

Hope she wsn't tricking me

sorry littlemrshappy should explain the dairy thing.

1.Me and hubby were both allergic as children so big chance she would be

2.Still BF

1. I dont have cows milk because I believe its for cows not humans(other people can do what they like of course none of my business)

Maria2007loveshersleep No dairy for above reasons

Meat
I don't eat it so not planning on buying/ cooking it for her

Sugar
I do think its the devil thats just my personal opinion

your right I am a little bit obsessed! my mum was the same and I have always led a healthy lifestyle. She pointed me in the direction and so kind of trying to do the same if that makes sense.

The example is the important part. If you live it day by day you can afford to relax slightly with other people. I really feel that labelling food is counter productive-it immediately gives the 'bad' foods a high status and makes them very attractive. Eventually your DC needs self control and they will be out without you,have their own money etc. If you have done your job well they will be very sensible. If you have tried to rigidly control,e.g. got into a state about a chocolate egg given by grandparents-your DC is quite likely to get devious. Food is sociable-if I cook a special meal I wouldn't expect parents to tell me that their DC couldn't have some of it-unless they had allergies.

off out for the day now thanks for replies so far. I know I will have to relax when she is older

Set by example rather than control-also agree

Do either of you eat fish, might that be an option for her to get some healthy meats in her diet?

YANBU, but keep your cool with other people who won't get why you are doing something. Smile and stay reasonable.
I did much the same thing when mine were small, then I went to always eating healthily at home but relaxing outside with the occasional bag of crisps or slice of cake. I don't keep biscuits. cake, sugar, pop, ribena, crisps etc in the house. Not overt, I just don't buy them for home consumption.
No bad foods, just that some are for treats and some are 'sometimes foods'
Mine are now 19 and 15, still eat healthily at home, can't tolerate fast food or fizzy drinks.
No obesity, no cavities and a sense of moderation that has meant that at 19 she doesn't come home paralytic or even drunk.
However, I do still see them munching the occasional bag of crisps when I bump into them around town.

My MIL once chewed out DP and me for giving DS pasta shapes out of a tin (oh isnt that full of salt and sugar?!) then proceeded to give him custard cream biscuits at a time that we normally only gave him sugar free baby biscuits and let FIL buy him packets of choc buttons every time he visited!

I was brought up on a very healthy diet, lots of bean sprouts, no sugar (except dark brown in home-made cakes), wholegrain everything (no white bread for us), home-made yoghurt which was truly disgusting. I am in two minds about this type of control (and that's essentially what it is). On the one hand, I do like vegetables, on the other, it was socially isolating, I hate all fruit (too many wrinkly old oranges and apples) and yoghurt, and I do love sweet food like chocolate and cakes. It has taken me a long time not to pig out on sweet food, and it's true it became 'naughty' (my brother used to steal sugary foods like jam and even the one easter egg we had). It's fine to say 'we'll relax when older' but it's very hard if you've made it all about the family identity and it's a big deal to eat what to others is normal food.

I've personally gone for paying much less attention to food with my two, lots of eating veg, but a mix of other foods. Neither me or my brother are particularly healthy as a result of our extreme diet, and I do see it as part of a wider pattern of control (no TV, very rigid rules around sleeping and so on) which although not entirely negative, means you grow up with a very rigid idea of what is right and wrong in relation to children; it's taken my husband to come along and show me the world doesn't cave in if you feed the children a bit differently or let them go to bed later or whatever.

they are pobably worried that without meat and dairy and biscuity cakey stuff, her diet will lack the fat that is essential for growth and brain development.

Eating exactly what you eat is not healthy for a baby. She needs a MUCH higher proprtion of fat than you. Unless she is still breastfeeding, then without meat, dairy or proper soy formula she will be extremely lacking in B vitamins and saturated fat.

ON the other hand, I haven't read the whole thread, you might be giving her all manner of healthily delicious things not mentioned in the OP, so good luck with explaining that to your inlaws who are clearly concerned.

I agree with the other poster about labelling food as 'bad' and 'good'. As someone who is recovering from an eating disorder, and trying NOT to pass that on to my children, I have learned that while healthy eating is important, chocolate, biscuits and the like can be part of a healthy diet...as long as DCs learn to eat those things in moderation. Since my recovery, we ALWAYS have loads of foods that I'd always classed as 'bad' in the house, with free access anytime, and you know what? DCs lived it up at first(we all did), but are now back to fruit and veg for snacks, and only occassionally ask for biscuits now. I think teaching them moderation and eating only when hungry is far more important than just simply cutting things out that might be 'bad' for them.

If you are still BFing her you can probably be reasonably relaxed re the rest of her diet at the moment, but when you stop it sounds like you'll seriously struggle to get enough fats and calcium into her if you cut out meat and dairy. My 2 yo DD is allergic to dairy and we really struggle with her calcium intake. You'd have to eat a massive amount of green veggies etc to get as much calcium as in a tiny bit of cheese (as in, kilos of it). On dieticians advice we have to add extra oils (olive, avocado etc) to everything we cook for her, and though we don't eat that much meat ourselves, I definitely cook meat for her as I'd otherwise seriously struggle to meet her nutritional requirements.

That's not to say that bringing up a vegan toddler can't be done, but imo it would really require semi-obsessional attention to food to do it safely - not just 'oh she eats the healthy food that we do'. Add in toddler
likes and dislikes (beware of being smug in advance about this - in almost all cases pride comes before a fall in that area!), and it could turn into a real battleground.
I am a healthy eating obsessive myself (though I admit to counting nutella as essential to human subsistence ) but
toddlers needs are very different.

Personally I dream of being able to feed DD cheese on toast -it's really very stressful having to police a strict food regime. Incidentally if you read up on the newest allergy research, early introduction is increasingly felt to be protective rather than harmful in allergy terms.

Sorry op but I think you need to consider your approach to dairy very carefully indeed. Absolutely witholding it isn't going to mean she doesn't develop an allergy and indeed I believe a lack of moderate exposure may excacerbate any reaction. Have you had medical advice about this?

You also can't get away with declaring sugar is the devil. Lots of foods contain natural sugars and we need sugar for energy. You may keep your dd away from refined sugars but don't proceed thinking sugar itself is never passing her lips.

Good advice from Libelulle.

YANBU - I don't know why some people make a big deal of it. DS doesn't drink juice, only milk and water - my dentist says that's ideal, but I have had comments from people about it. DS has juice at a party if it is offered, but he doesn't really like it.

YANBU and I think your child's diet is admirable.

I am pregnant with our first and we will be raising our children very much like you do (cakes and the occasional sweet treat for me would be ok when they are a little older).

I do find comments such as 'where will they get their calcium from?' somewhat ignorant, and wish people would do some research before making such statements. Excessive amounts of animal protein (from meat, dairy, fish and eggs) in the diet actually LEACH calcium from the bones, weakening the skeleton and leading to osteoporosis. Dairy milk also contains saturated fat. Therefore it is much healthier to obtain calcium from plant sources.
I also believe milk from cows is for calves, not humans.

OP, keep up the good work, you know you are doing the best you can for your child.

I don't think your dd's diet sounds healthy, tbh. I'm not surprised your pils are concerned. I think you should speak to a dietician if you are planning a vegan diet for a child. And I say this knowing that many people think I'm crazy because I don't give my dcs most processed foods or juice.