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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my 1 year old to eat healthy food and be left alone about it?

166 replies

littlesez · 16/04/2010 05:52

Ok so I am sure IABU but just wondering if there is anyone who agrees with me eeeeek!

My daughter is 14 months, she eats what I eat which happens to be healthy stuff and often steals it from my plate I dont let her eat sweets, chocolate, cakes, crisps, juice and such but often feel as though people (other mums) think I am being mean Like I am depriving her in some way, just by general comments.

From my girl being a few months old I had MIL (who is generally lovely and just wants to help) asking me to give her some rusk at bedtime and suggesting formula because I had done so well to get this far BF

FIL has started to comment now. She doesnt have meat as I don't eat it, and she doesnt have dairy for a few reasons. He has lectured me about how important Iron and Calcium are for her. My response was that she gets plenty in her diet. He was then questioning me about what she drinks. Have you tried her with ribena? my response is that she has water.

I just don't understand! she eats plenty, loves her food and is healthy so why mess with it?

I know when she is old enough she will go and eat what she wants but while she is a baby I just want her to eat the right stuff and don't think i am depriving her.

I'm not hopping mad or anything just wish people would stop questioning me about what she eats/doesnt eat

OP posts:
MillyR · 16/04/2010 16:11

Missus84 - the child in question is drinking milk from a vegan Mother (if I am understanding the OP's explanation) - that will mean the composition of the breastmilk is different from the composition of a meat eating mother's milk.

A lactating mother needs to think about her diet, whether she is a vegan or not. Breastmilk is quite low in vitamin D anyway, and I think the OP needs to think about how she is getting enough vitamin D for her needs and for her breastmilk, and that the child is getting enough vitamin D from this and other sources.

Breastmilk is also important for providing long chain fatty acids, but these often come from fish in the Mother's diet, so the OP needs to carefully select vegan oils to make sure these fatty acids are high in her breast milk and in other sources in the child's diet.

Not all human's drink cows milk; many are lactose intolerant. But if you give up dairy, meat and juice, and you live in the UK where it can be hard to get enough sunlight exposure all year around, you do need to think carefully about diet.

MillyR · 16/04/2010 16:12

I entered some kind of apostrophe hell in that last paragraph, and apologise to people who are irritated by such things.

AnnieBeansMum · 16/04/2010 16:17

geordieminx - what a horribly closed-minded comment. There is absolutely nothing bonkers about any of the 3 points raised by the op. Just because you do not hold the same beliefs, does not mean OP is bonkers.

geordieminx · 16/04/2010 16:35

Er..."sugar is the devil"

Thats pretty bonkers to me.

This is AIBU.

The OP is asking for peoples' opinions. I gave mine.

IMO the OP is actively promoting eating issues in her daughter.

"Good" and "bad" foods is ridiculous.

Missus84 · 16/04/2010 16:43

Sugar may not be the devil, but children do eat far too much of it - people give their kids loads of fruit juice, dried fruit bars etc without realising how sugary it is, and that's without rusks and ribena. There's enough naturally occuring sugars in food without eating lots of products with added sugar.

KERALA1 · 16/04/2010 16:46

As a teenager I looked after 3 children under 6 whose mother followed similar rules. They NEVER had sugar. My god it was tough. When we went into a newsagents they literally were hysterical with longing. All were thin and listless and got every cold going. All for healthy eating but can be taken too far.

moomaa · 16/04/2010 16:46

I think YABU because 99% of people would be concerned if all they could see was a loved toddler was having no dairy, meat or sugar. I could maybe be persuaded this was ok if someone went through all the facts and figures with me, especially whilst you are breastfeeding and you explained how you were providing what the child needed. I would be further reassured if I knew you had professional support for your diet plans. Have you talked to them in detail?

Someone said that they knew many healthy vegan people, well I know healthy and unhealthy ones, same as I know healthy and unhealthy meat/dairy eaters. Vegan doesn't necessarily equal healthy.

I don't see why you can't make some low sugar dairy free cake for her as a treat.

EveWasFramed · 16/04/2010 16:47

Fruit juice is sugary, I agree, but that's a bit different...fruit sugar isn't refined sugar, so a naturally occurring sugar. I think there is merit to looking at ADDED sugar, if that's a concern, but pure fruit juice is not the worst thing you can give a child who is a healthy weight and brushes regularly.

Missus84 · 16/04/2010 16:51

Not the worst, but not great - just unnecessary.

Latootle · 16/04/2010 17:04

its good for a child to eat healthily but not giving her meat and dairy is madness unless your Dr has agreed this for what ever reason. Yes she is too young for crisps but the odd organic piece of chocolate cant harm surely????

KERALA1 · 16/04/2010 17:14

Well I cannot comment after a week of SAHM-ing to two lively under 3's doing home cooked meals every night tonight they are having fishfingers potato waffles and peas the shame

Missus84 · 16/04/2010 17:17

Why would you want to give a 14 month old chocolate though? I don't really understand this An older child who asks for it I can understand, but a 14 month old doesn't need or want sweeties.

belgo · 16/04/2010 17:19

KERALA - nothing wrong with potato waffles, fish fingers and peas!

EveWasFramed · 16/04/2010 17:37

Because chocolate is NICE...it's decadent and tastes good, and it's one nice thing about being in the world...it's pleasurable!!

MilMae · 16/04/2010 17:41

Littlesez, I totally aggree with you!!! well done for being so disciplined!!!! my DS is only 3 months, but this is exactly what I have in mind, but including dairy

princessparty · 16/04/2010 18:20

Littlemisshappy Ribena the cannot have until 3 year of age anyway, water is fine that's why my children have

I saw you quote tghis on another thread.It is wrong Ribena is not recommended for under 1s and only one portion a day for 1-3 yos .

Oblomov · 16/04/2010 18:21

nothing wrong with fish fingers. or chocolate. a little bit of everything.

princessparty · 16/04/2010 18:34

Littlesez-what does your DD have in a day-take today for example, what has she eaten/drunk?

kickassangel · 16/04/2010 18:36

dd didn't have cakes, sweets, choc etc at all til she was 2. she is now a v fussy eater, but what she has is healthy, so i'm not really inclined to encourage her to have pizza etc. yes, she likes the usual kid 'treats' but knows that it is not for every day.

when she was 2 1/2, went to a family party where my mother (who over indulged us with treats when we were kids) kept trying to sneak her ribena, cakes etc. dd suddenly headed for the buffet, climbed a chair & leant over, dmum started to look chuffed as dd was by the desserts, then dd helped herself to a HUGE handful of grapes. hah! at that age, she just didn't recognise desserts as food & homed in on the fruit.

so long as they ARE getting all the right vitamins etc, then there really is no need for overly processed food, and it is NOT mean (as my mum believes) to 'deny' them 'treats' like this, but sensible.

princessparty · 16/04/2010 18:40

When you say you eat healthily and she eats the same as you I was a bit confused.A healthy diet for an adult would not be healthy for a 14m old baby.
For example she needs plenty of fat and go very easy on wholemeal stuff which is the exact opposite of an adult

EveWasFramed · 16/04/2010 18:42

Denying them treats may seem sensible, but not very realistic.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 16/04/2010 18:44

I totally agree that you should stick to your guns about not giving processed snacks or sweets at this stage; what she's not had, she won't miss - she's not missing out.

What I would never do though is raise a vegan baby without consulting either a nutritionist or reading extensively round the subject - their development in the first five years is so profound and so important and you need to be finding ways of giving nutrition that they're not able to take in from meat fish or dairy. I assume you have done this - but I think family/friends will (understandably, really because it's outside alot of people's experience) be worried about a vegan child and may need you to help them understand

Oblomov · 16/04/2010 18:53

kissass, is her diet very limited then ? she only eats a few things ? but these are healthy ?
are we talking 5 things ? 25 things ?
and what kind of meals do you prep for her ? am intrigued.
ds1 and i like making pizza. and i don't consider it unhealthy. but i guess you must ?

Missus84 · 16/04/2010 18:55

"Denying treats" is a bit of a hysterical way to put not giving chocolate to a baby. It's completely realistic not to feed a 14 month old sweets, ribena, crisps or cakes.

It may be unrealistic to expect to never give your child any treats, but the OP has not said that - in fact she said "I know when she is old enough she will go and eat what she wants but while she is a baby I just want her to eat the right stuff and don't think i am depriving her."

EveWasFramed · 16/04/2010 19:01

But you asked why a 14 month old would be given chocolate? Why not? In moderation, it's no worse for a 14 month old than it is for a 14 year old. None of us 'needs' chocolate, but an attitude that it is 'bad' or a forbidden food just sets up guilt and shame over eating that CAN certainly start at an early age.
And I used the phrase 'denying treats' in response to a pp who used the words 'deny' and 'treats'. NOT as a justification for or against chocolate.

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