To want my 1 year old to eat healthy food and be left alone about it?

[littlesez]

Ok so I am sure IABU but just wondering if there is anyone who agrees with me eeeeek!

My daughter is 14 months, she eats what I eat which happens to be healthy stuff and often steals it from my plate I dont let her eat sweets, chocolate, cakes, crisps, juice and such but often feel as though people (other mums) think I am being mean Like I am depriving her in some way, just by general comments.

From my girl being a few months old I had MIL (who is generally lovely and just wants to help) asking me to give her some rusk at bedtime and suggesting formula because I had done so well to get this far BF

FIL has started to comment now. She doesnt have meat as I don't eat it, and she doesnt have dairy for a few reasons. He has lectured me about how important Iron and Calcium are for her. My response was that she gets plenty in her diet. He was then questioning me about what she drinks. Have you tried her with ribena? my response is that she has water.

I just don't understand! she eats plenty, loves her food and is healthy so why mess with it?

I know when she is old enough she will go and eat what she wants but while she is a baby I just want her to eat the right stuff and don't think i am depriving her.

I'm not hopping mad or anything just wish people would stop questioning me about what she eats/doesnt eat

Littlesez - at the end of the day, she's your daughter - your daughter, your (.i.e. you and your DP's) choice on how to bring her up, including what she eats, but you will get comments/suggestions from well meaning relatives and be prepared for some indulgent grandparently sabotage as DD gets older - but hey, that's what grandparents and relatives are there for FWIW, DS1 didnt have chocolate or crips at this age (though did shortly thereafter) and we now include those in his diet as part of a healthy well rounded diet - DS2 (same age as your DD) occasionally has crisps/chocolate/cake but goes bananas over fruit (especially berries) and veg. I think a little bit of everything in moderation is a good lesson to instil in my kids (DS1 has been known to stop eating a chocolate or cake half way through and say he wants to save the rest for later - god knows how but I guess I should feel blessed that he is in touch with his appetite) - but that's our choice.

Sweets can reasonably be removed from a toddler - if she's never had it she'll never miss it, and it does her no good at all. Ribena is the devil's work and carries a notice on the bottle saying it's not suitable for toddlers. Just giving children water (and human milk in your case) to drink is entirely feasible - loads of families and all primary schools do it. In that respect your parents ABU.

However I'm with the posters who say that a healthy vegan diet for an adult (even if she's lactating) is not going to be healthy for a young toddler, and a lot of nutritional care is required to make sure she doesn't miss out on important calories and fats. If you're supplementing carefully with loads of e.g. oils, avocados, refined grains (not wholemeal), seeds, nuts, and (when appropriate) peanut butter - God's gift to the busy vegan parent - then why not.

Dinky...my kids are the same...they really can eat a small bite of chocolate or cake and save it for later. And, most of the time, even though I always keep chocolate and biscuits in the house, they'd much rather eat fruit or yogurt.

I do have to reneg my point that there should never be food that's classed as 'bad'...my children have never once had a McDonald's, as THAT truly is the work of the devil, IMO. So, I fully expect that they will prob stuff themselves silly with Big Macs when they're 14!

I have to say that I am not convinced that a toddler (as your dd nearly is) should be having a vegan diet but this is down to knowing that dcs need so much iron and calcium and also to once having watched an episode of Casualty where a toddler nearly died because of a B12 deficiency.

Yes, yes it was on Casualty. And I am a fool. But I mention it because I bet many other non-vegans' knowledge of vegan diets for children is equally shite lacking.

Feck, posted too soon.

Meant to finish with:

so I understand your PILs' concerns.

littlesez I haven't read all of the replies to this, but wanted t5o post to give you my friendly support.
She is your daughter, so you must do what you feel is best for her.
We all have different thoughts and ideas on every aspect of parenting.

There is nothing wrong with wanting her to have a healthy diet, and you said in your op that you accept as she gets older she will start to make these decisions for herself.
YANBU
But you, me and every other mother out there will always be judged on how we raise our children

I overheard an interesting conversation in McDonald's in Leicester today.

two girls, aged about 17, were sitting eating, and one was eating a Filet o fish, the other just fries.

the one eating just fries suddenly piped up

"I've got such an urge to just eat some meat to see if I like it"

The other said "Go on then, you won't like it from here though, that's why I get the fish. Why don't you eat meat, anyway?"

"Our family doesn't, so I've never really been able to taste it. I just really want to. It smells so nice. Almost salty smelling."

"Go for it then!"

"Don't tell my mum then, she thinks it's bad for you."

"Yeah, but your mum's a bit mad"

"yeah I know"

oblomov am thinking of the pizza served at school every Tuesday by a local co. so 'fast food' pizza - I give her home made without the sauce. she has more like 25 things she'll eat, inc. meat, veg, fruit & carbs. she has dairy as well.

it's more she doesn't like ANY sauce & is quite phobic about trying new foods, so can be a prob for eating out, but she happily eats pasta, cheese & veg etc. bread & meat, with fruit/salad. it just annoys me that so many children's meals are fried stuff & chips or oven stuff & chips (which she eats, but is a sometimes food) without any veg or fruit on offer - how hard is it to microwave some sweetcorn? & some people seem to think I SHOULD get her to eat pizza/cheese toasties etc, cos that's what kids like!!

for other reasons, we've had her checked for iron etc & she is fine.

we do have nice food & treats, but they're rarely in the house, they are sometimes food, and she knows to eat healthy. in fact, if she goes to a party & just eats sugary stuff, she comes home wanting 'normal' food to fill up on.

it's just my mum, who seems to think that kids are suffering if they don't get a sweet after every meal. dessert is yogurt or fruit, if she wants it. one or two sweet things a day, once she's eaten other, proper, food first. and yes, if she's at grandma's a little bit of spoiling is not a problem - it's grandma's prerogative, and happens rarely.

(i sound so sanctimonious, but honestly, it's just kind of the normal routine, i don't have flash cards about it or anything)

My SIL did this with her DD from first weaning. Was very very strict on what she ate and her diet was very similar to the OP's.
Unfortunately my DN is now 6 and totally obsessed with food.

Obsession with food be it healthy or not so healthy is not a good way to go.

It's interesting how many grandparents think children are deprived if they don't have loads of crap too eat. My mum nearly fainted when I told her ds1 doesn't have sugar in his Ready Brek. She actually tried to give him some with sugar & he wouldn't eat it as he's not used to it like that. She thinks because I'd add sugar to mine then ds1 should have the same but if my mum hadn't given me sugar added to cereal & tea etc then I would like the sugarless taste now. I don't make an issue out of it & if ds1 asked for sugar on his cereal or whatever I'd let him have it safe in the knowledge that he won't like it. I think a balanced diet & a relaxed attitude about food are among the most important things you can provide for your children.

Thanks for all replies, I have just got in from work and bit tired but will try and answer as much as I can remember.

Sugar is the devil, ok I admit that is a bit OTT. I think what I mean is I won't be encouraging/offering added sugar or sweets. I understand fruit has natural sugars. When I say juice I mean cordial type things full of sugar and/or sweeteners.

I am not vegan by the way, I eat fish and eggs. Same with babs. I haven't consulted a paediatrician about a vegan diet because she isn't having a vegan diet.

For those who asked here is what she ate today......

2 BF
Bowl of porridge and a banana
BF
salmon, broccoli, carrot and potato
grapes
BF
water
hummous and brown bread
water
Noodles,tomatoes, white bread, more hummous
pears, strawberries, raisins,oat milk

I will be doing some research when the time comes for her to wean.

I will not be telling her foods are good or bad.

I have already said that I won't be able to stop her eating what she wants when she is older. I just want to encourage healthy eating from the start.

Just getting back to the vegan gladiators - doesn't Mary Beard estimate that they tended to die aged about 23 or so, so it wouldn't matter particularly whether their diet was healthy long term or not?

Perfectly reasonable littlesez.

at Claire who admits to putting sugar on her own ReadyBrek but won't give it to her DS1. If you insist on your DC eating ultra healthily (to the detriment of taste??) then surely you have to practice what you preach.

Agree with much of what has been said on here. There's nothing wrong with being a bit precious about food as long as you are not silly about it. There is a woman at DS2's toddler group who fussily and ostentatiously produces water and oatcakes from a bag for her DTs when all the other children are having the squash and sweet biscuits provided by the group organisers. A lot of it is oneupmanship "Oh look at what a good mother I am making sure my children eat healthily whereas the rest of you...."

YANBU. It's your child and your beliefs. I place an emphasis on fruit, vegetables, lean protein and whole grains at home and limit sugar. (Some is ok, but no "juice drinks" or "fruit snax", thankyouverymuch!) When we're out at a party or something he has what he likes within reason; we call it treats or sometimes-food. I think it's pretty balanced, but I have had people call me out on it, and I get irritated too. He's my child, and these are my choices. I'm entitled to them, as are you, OP. But by the same token I don't say anything to my friends who feed their children chicken nuggets and french fries all the time either, even though I wouldn't.

yanbu.

Her diet sounds very good. (I haven't read anything on omitting milk, post bf'ding, but if that is fine, the rest is excellent).

Do not give in to rusks and ribena!

Its because you don't eat meat and they think you are A) Weird B) A lentil weaving hippy or C) Depriving your child of the right to eat rotting flesh.

I say this as a fellow veggie of just about a year and i have been surprised at the general reaction of people around us. Our DD still eats meat because she likes it and i am a bit rubbish about nutrition so i keep it as such. If i were veggie at the weaning stage i would have kept her veggie too.

FWIW it is written in stone that GPs have to worry that their GC dont get enough sweets and shit good things. I wonder if it dates back to a time when actually those things really were a luxury and not available on tap. People didn't realise in the 70s that Ribena was actual poison, but it was probably expen sive and seen as a bit of a luxury. My mum is much the same. She bought DD a whole selection pack of school tuck shop sweets - a vile concoction of refreshers, and brick size teeth removing chews. She means well - i have hidden the packet at the back of the cupboard and will get round to consigning to the bin when i have indulged when i get round to it.

When i BF my child my mother used to pull faces like i was actually harming her in some way.

You just have to let them witter on, they can't help it, bless em, they don't know any better.

Littlesez can I come round yours for tea?! Sounds yum!! (minus the BF, obvs!!)

I do agree with you totally, I did that with my dd who is now 3.1 month, made most of my own food for her, no sweets, choccies, snacking on fruit or veg. As they get older its hard to control those things and unfair on the child that they have to miss out especially if they go to a party. Ok if they have special diatry needs due to a condition but not to become too obsessive about it. If they are not asking for sweets/choccies why give it to them. Even now my dd snacks on dried fruit, fruit, drinks water or milk most of the time, at meal times she may have a bit of sugar free juice to encouratge her to eat her food up. If she asks i give her a bit of chocolate, i think i will have to use chocolate buttons when toilet training her in the summer as reward charts dont seem to work for her.

I hate it when i see young children with a sugary lollie in their mouth or chewing on lots of sweets or chocolates, seeing the panorama this weeks about childhood diet reaffirmed my belief in limiting sweeets for children. Seeing those poor toddlers being put under and having their teeth taken out DD is going to a birthay party today and i will let her eat what she wants there except for fizzy drinks if there are any.

I don't think we have ever been in a situation where lots of other babies/toddlers are all eating biscuits and juice TBH. We live at sure start and they usually have fruit, toast and water because of their policies on healthy eating.

As I said we are going to a party today. we have been to parties before and I have let her eat what she wants but within reason because to me she is just a baby. I'll be saying that when she is 15

Why do people feel they have a right to question a vegetarian diet? I never feel the need to point out to meat eaters that high meat consumption is linked with cancer, heart disease and stroke. If a vegetarian is concerned they might not be getting enough iron etc, that is why the good lord invented vitamin supplements. As for the "its natural to eat meat" argument - yes, it is, perfectly natural to eat meat - but not natural to eat meat that has been pumped full of growth factor, antibiotics and God knows what else - no thankyou!

What i am saying sorry for rambling that you are right to do as you are doing foods why give them to her at the moment she is still very young, however a time comes when you cannot control what she eats and if you do it might border on obsessiveness

Littlemisshappy Ribena the cannot have until 3 year of age anyway, water is fine that's why my children have

"I saw you quote tghis on another thread.It is wrong Ribena is not recommended for under 1s and only one portion a day for 1-3 yos" .

Sorry princess, you are incorrect, even on the bottle it states clearly that Ribena is not recommended to children under age 3 years of age.

from their website!

Babies and toddlers under 36 months have special nutritional requirements. Drinks that are specially designed and marketed for them have to reflect these requirements and the food regulations which govern these products. Ribena is not specially designed and marketed as a drink for babies and toddlers. The on-pack directions for use therefore include the statement:

This drink is not suitable for babies and toddlers under 36 months.

"For babies below the age of 12 months we, together with health professionals, suggest that they should only be given water that has been boiled and then cooled, or specially formulated baby drinks.

As a responsible manufacturer, we recommend that Ribena juice drinks are not suitable for toddlers under 36 months. This helps prevent toddlers 'filling-up' on juice drinks and then failing to eat their meals. Balanced nutrition is very important at this time to maintain their growth and development.

All Ribena drinks can be consumed freely by older children (above 3 years) and adults as part of a healthy diet and active lifestyle"

"at Claire who admits to putting sugar on her own ReadyBrek but won't give it to her DS1. If you insist on your DC eating ultra healthily (to the detriment of taste??) then surely you have to practice what you preach."

Suprised anyone is arguing it's better for children to have sugary cereals! Not putting sugar on readybrek is hardly "ultra healthy"

My mum never put sugar in my tea as a child, and I don't drink it with sugar now - my DP always had sugary tea and even now has two sugars in it. I didn't have a filling til I was 25 while he had loads as a child/teen - and I've never felt I missed out.

What's Sure Start? Is it like Head Start? Will go google now. Sorry to get away from the thread, I was just wondering.

Littlesez, sounds almost exactly how my DS eats most of the time, so I hope yanbu!