to be annoyed at this - even though I've been open minded about porn?

[BattyKoda]

Found out that DP rang a sex line, one of those thats on the tv. It's really got to me, even though I know he looks at porn occasionally, and I haven't had a problem with that, he has an extremly high sex drive and I cna't keep up!

How would you feel? I don't really know what to do... he's sleeping on the sofa.

Good reply!

Hope it all goes well!

BK, make sure you know what he has to do to make it better...have an idea at least.

I'm not sure I know posieparker! I will when he does though, if that makes sense?! I know I need some reassuranace and support andlotsofexpensivegifts

DH too tight to ring a sex line!

Seriously though I would be v miffed if he did that - surely looking at porn is enough???

YANBU

My now ex husband ran up a £300 phone bill on his mobile whilst working away and ringing phone sex chat lines. There were a few other high bills prior to me finding out too. I was furious, but because I saw it as a waste of money, nothing else. Although why he couldn't have just rang me for phone sex, I do not know, I am not exactly closed minded...

I told him it wasn't acceptable because of how much it was costing. When questioned about it he admitted the phone calls were connected to a rather unusual fetish he had which I had no interest in participating in. (and I really am open minded, it was quite bizarre and not at all run of the mill!). He agreed to stop ringing the phone lines and as far as I know, he did stop as no money mysteriously disappeared. However, the fetish itself and the impact it had on the way I viewed him in general did contribute to our marriage ending.

In a one off phone sex line thing, where it was something more run off the mill I'd probably take the piss a bit, ask he didn't do it again and then forget it, tbh. My husband it too tight to pay for phone sex lines mind...

Holy fuck midori! £300! Thank you for putting my situation into perspective

I'd have to add that with free porn on the net, the only places I can think of where one might spend similar (10 quid, not 300!) would be a live 1-to-1 webcam chat/show with one person (or a couple, or 2 girls, depending on what s/he as customer wanted).

Someone earlier suggested that the use of a phone chat service was "more personal". It might be considered so, but given the shortness of a call, and the 'dolly bird' being in London, then to me that's hardly personal. Had he been to a pub with strippers, or a lapdance club, where one would be in touching distance, and perhaps arrange to meet outside their environs, it would be different.

There are live webcam shows from outside the UK which have few banned activities, and no Ofcom-required censorship, unlike anything on UK TV - I don't think even the encrypted adult channels are allowed to include what's on the web.

Admittedly 10+ years ago, when shown on "The Adult Channel" or "Television X" (I had a pirate card!) "Debbie Does Dallas" had a good 30 minutes cut {I had seen the original when I was in my 20s when Beta and VHS were still common}. What did they cut? Plenty, so no erect males were shown at all, and I think most of the explicit scenes with candles or vibrators showed very little.

I'm not meaning to 'downplay' this as I'm male, but to try to put it into perspective, and had thought of a fetish angle such as midori1999 alluded but hesitated to suggest he might want to have fantasy [or activity] which you'd never want to participate in...

PS Thanks to those who posted about YouPorn and RedTube

Some extraordinary content - personally I prefer solo females or girl/girl... BJs are boring for me, and most of the guy/girl material is (as Coolfonz wrote) 'disturbing or sad' - far too much humiliation going on, and powerful guys appearing to force themselves on younger women, some of whom seem ready to cry.

My friends husband was caught out (by a bill) having a txt conversation with some tart he'd met somewhere while my friend was away, only months after they got married.
She went ballistic stayed away for a week then made him promise never to behave like that again. She also made him take her interstate for a clothes shopping spree and all has been well and dandy ever since. (apparently)
Good on you BK, like someone else said, I don't think he'll be doing it again

is anyone else wondering what midori's ex-husbands err, fetish, was ??

< slaps self >

WebDude...you sound very knowledgeable...have you made a study of online porn ?

My friend had been having similar health issues, no excuse.
Let them rein in their urges. We seem to manage OK without resorting to relationship threatening behaviour.
Smack his bottom, make him behave in a transparent fashion and get on with things.
Thumbs up

Me AF...didn't have the guts to ask though

Webdude - For me it's more personal because he could see the girl on the TV. But after some research, I'm not as angry as I was. Will ask him about the fetish possibility...

Webdude - the 'powerful guys forcing themselves onto younger women' always worries me. Especially when labelled 'drunk teen'

Jamiki: that's all very well but when one partner is basically ignoring the other and expecting him.her to just put up with a complete absence of sex indefinitely (with no apparent understanding or discussion of the fact that for a person with a high libido, it's miserable to be deprived of sex for the foreseeable future) then that's not good. Both partners' feelings matter in a relationship, and it';s only if they each acknowledge that the other one is unhappy and they are sorry about that and want to work on a solution to the problem togehter that the relationship will work.

Not just 'drunk teen' but 'young slut' and similar language (whore etc) gets me down, esp when some of the women appear happy to humiliate themselves by using those names for themselves.

I agree that seeing the girl on TV wiggling her bum and boobs at him, while talking to him, is understandably upsetting, but if you are aware of him viewing porn, what's on TV is more 'tease' than porn, surely.

Oh, yes, they gyrate their hips and can bounce better than Zebedee and it might appear a touch more personal to some if she said "Oh yes, harder John" (or whatever name) but it's a long way from what might happen on a stag night, or if someone went to a strip club rather than playing / watching football when they said they were...

AF - well I haven't done a research paper about online porn but facilities (like online debit/credit card processing) were 'demanded' by the porn industry, so anyway, it's what broadband is for

He came home with flowers - no chance to talk but he says he misses me and wants to make it better

SGB: I completely agree. In my friends case he was 'allowed' soft porn options, mags, telly whatever as was BKs DP. When I said rein in the urges I really meant they can try to make an effort to keep it at home and preferably involve their partner.

Good start BK.

hope you get chance to talk today

Back to square one. He made the phone call when we were away... at a funeral (a member of my family). He was in a hotel whilst I stayed at the house. He said he only got as far as the options and then hung up when he actually got through. £10 for nothing then. He also made a second phone call, at home, whilst I was in bed, but this time actually got through to a girl and listened in (didn't talk). It hasn't shown on the bill yet (which is why I didn't know about it) but will probably be alot more than £10 considering that was just to listen to the options . I got so angry, can't believe he did it when we were away for a funeral. I asked if he would have done it again if I hadn't have found out, he said no because he felt so stupid after... I just got so upset that I couldn't talk to him, went up to bed and let him on the sofa. Not a word this morning, can't bring myself to even look at him.

Arrrghhh!!!

Hell, 10 quid - even at 1.50 a minute that's a lot for listening to options, though there's no knowing whether a hotel would be charging a lot more - they don't have a great reputation for "sensible" charges in the first place - hotels have traditionally blamed cost on the need to recover the cost of getting the system installed - but seem indifferent to the fact that at 50p a night from the cost of every room, they'd easily cover the cost before the next "upgrade" they do. Charging "extortionate" amounts pushes people to using a mobile rather than the hotel phone.... it's perhaps a problem from 10 years or more ago, as mobile phones became common from the mid-90s - my first Orange was in 1996, and T-Mobile did an 18 month contract [30 min/month] with a brand new phone for 99.95 in 1999.

I know there has to be some sort of announcement about the service being offered and how much it costs (even though I haven't had a landline for 30 months, before you think any different, AnyFucker LOL)

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DandyLioness - not sure if you've seen every one of BK's posts but sex is off the menu at present through health situation.

DandyLioness - I've got no reason not to believe him that he didn't just listen to the options, he didn't need to tell me about the second phone call, and that he did get through to a girl so he would have come clean if had the first time. Also now he has told me, I will look out for it on the bill to see how much it cost, he said it will probably be considerably more, great.

Why now? Or why then, even (it was a few weeks ago). Because he was alone in a hotel room flicking through the channels and came across it, and in his words "wanted to see what was what", a bit of a 'practise run' I presume. Then gave it a go at home when the mood took him. Sex wasn't that great around this time, I was grieving and have been having health issues, as mentioned before.