to be annoyed at this - even though I've been open minded about porn?

[BattyKoda]

Found out that DP rang a sex line, one of those thats on the tv. It's really got to me, even though I know he looks at porn occasionally, and I haven't had a problem with that, he has an extremly high sex drive and I cna't keep up!

How would you feel? I don't really know what to do... he's sleeping on the sofa.

BK, just one more thing (for now...anyway )

if you ask him for complete honesty, don't go off the deep end if there are more revelations

I think there will be more...not necessarily worse, but more, so be prepared for that

he has shown he can lie...so there might be more lies he wants to confess (of the keeping you sweet variety)

honest...or not, you can't have it both ways

Thats the thing WD - Porn is just pictures on a screen. This was interaction, fantasy or not, he was interacting, sexually with a woman other than me. A woman he had selected.

The 70's bush is probably a bit off putting

No seriously though, im sure you know your man better than any of us. Good luck.

Thats true, thanks AF.

It's good to know that discussing it has been of some help and radical solutions aren't on the cards !

Hope you have a good (long) weekend.

70's bush?!

You said it was outdated

Worn out Claw, worn out. I'm only 25 FGS.

Not sure what image was worse 70's bush or the image of why it is worn out! that will teach me for trying to be a smart arse!

Hope you can get it sorted tonight and enjoy your weekend away.

BK "This was interaction, fantasy or not, he was interacting, sexually with a woman other than me. A woman he had selected."

A woman at more than just arms distance, a woman he hasn't a chance of picking up, a woman who may be thinking, "Oh, here's another tosser, bet he doesn't know I'm getting 100 quid an hour for prancing about shaking my boobs and bum, and talking to sad losers like him..."

Not wanting to imply your partner is a loser or whatever, but just to cover different perspective of that type of call...

and how much he is of no interest to her, except as a means to an end, ie that she gets paid. With no tossers ringing, these channels would not exist.

Oh, and not all the porn is just pictures on a screen, plenty of the online porn services include interaction (even some without fees).

I cannot claim to find any free webcam chats with lots of guys (and you'd probably have to use male nicknames in the gay sites!) for you ladies but via www.myfreepaysite.com anyone with a valid e-mail address can visit Camz.com and some other site, both of which have live webcam 'shows' with chat going on. I could ask someone to "use the pink dildo in her ..." (when she has a selection of toys on her bedside table, and if she's minded to, she will).

Some ask for suggestions, some won't accept any requests and just do a show at their own pace, and some will (for a per minute fee) do things I'm not comfortable even describing! Camz has about 18 shows over the next 10 hours (some hours have 2 or 3 shows running in parallel) and WebCamClub has 8 shows over the next 8 hours.

Dozens of "live cam" services exist, and in all cases clicking on one of the photos amounts to "choosing a particular woman" (or man, if you look at the right sections!)

Both YouPorn and RedTube link to "Live cams" and they both go on to display the same selection of 'performers' who will perform and in far more explicit way than would ever happen on TV. Some have a phone or accept webcam connections (so they could watch someone getting hard) and they're still hundreds or thousands of miles away.

I still don't see it as so "personal" when it is on TV or the web, unlike a stripper, or a lap dancer in a club, or the barmaid down at the pub, or going to some remote car park for a dogging session... watching or participating...

I'm still not trying to forgive him, or really wanting to be too argumentative, but phone sex seems worst only in terms of the cost!

"This was interaction, fantasy or not, he was interacting, sexually with a woman other than me. A woman he had selected."

I think this shows that he regarded this woman as little more than an object by 'selecting' her. Nothing personal about it, more like a meat market.

Not sure if that would make you feel better or worse about the situation!

WebDude, with respect, your detailed posts about the "services" on offer, delivered in such a well-rehearsed patter is making me feel a bit , tbh

Porn on the internet? Whatever next.

AF - it's far from 'rehearsed patter' it's simply factual information in this particular sphere. I'm no expert, the sites I've visited are only the tip of the iceberg, and without a phone line for 2.5 years I can bet a lot of other sites will have been started, grown, and perhaps even died, during those years.

5? years ago I tried a UK service (sexclub.co.uk) from the old Paul Raymond business, and it was a rip-off, along with many British copies of US services, because they swap a dollar symbol with a pound symbol and put poor quality content on.

The world moves forward, I'm well behind many folk (no satellite dish, no 3G phone, don't know what sites younger people are viewing), but it moves forward even faster than it did 5, 10, 15 years ago.

Twitter, FaceBook, and a pile of other services are relatively new, and rapidly leaving me behind (now they're going to put ads on Twitter, it might lose its popularity). FourSquare and GoWalla are new services, ones I won't be found on any day soon.

Anyway, I guess the 'detail' is because I'm not used to keeping comments down to 140 characters like Twitter, and I ramble. Sorry.

I'm finding it all quite informative, AF!

really, acanthus ?

perhaps you could CAT each other

WD - I have no doubt at all that the only thing going through these women's minds whilst 'performing' is their pay check, and perhaps whats for dinner. It's not whats going through her mind thats bothering me though. It the fact that my DP was watching, and listening to, another woman, whilst wanking that bothers me. I'm also slightly about your in depth comments on the subject.

So... chat done, he's gone to footy.

I asked about the original phonecall. He was kept on hold by some recorded message of a woman whittering on, it was for 5 mins and he did hang up when he got through. I believe him.

I explained how and why I was so upset about both calls and asked him to put himself in my shoes. I told him I feel cheated and I told him why. All very calmly with no mention of the C word (sorry AF ).

He said he hadn't thought about it from that perspective (if it were the other way round) and now realises how wrong he was. He realises now (he didn't at the time) that he Crossed The Line. He's really really (x20) sorry and understands completley why I feel cheated. I've told him that in furture maybe he should put more time and consideration into my feelings.

He's acknowledged his mistake and how much he has hurt me and wishes he could take it back.

I think this is all I needed from him, I trust that it won't happen again.

We also both agreed that we need to make more time for each other, and spend time together as a couple. Honeymoon will be a great opportunity

Thank you everyone for your advice and for listening to me vent

Glad you've got things sorted!

I met a girl once socially and in reply to my asking what she did, she told me in completely blunt terms, completely unembarassed, which I loved, that she worked on one of those porn lines. Not only did she do it while she did the ironing, or cleaning the bath, she would put the bloke on speakerphone if she had people there, for the amusement value. She gave me a quick demonstation, very very amusing.

She was also definitely not a looker.
Her view was that it was the men who were being exploited. She talked about them with amused contempt.

precisely, hod

and this is what I would take issue with...that my bloke could be so fucking pathetic

it is cringeworthy

BK, the trouble I'd have with it is knowing my dp was up for masturbating with a total stranger would turn me off completely. Just the thought of it makes my toes curl. So you've made me thankful I've never had to deal with that one.

I hope you get this sorted and I salute your tolerance, men are just so mindbogglingly stupid sometimes.

Good luck with the wedding.

I think if it had been a 'normal' sex line my views would be different. I think I'd struggle to get past 'you stupid twat' and would see it in a different light altogether, somehow the normal sex lines see even more pathetic, the fact there is a visual element to the one he called makes it a bit less pathetic. Still pathetic though.

Do you think that would count as infidelity, AF?