to be annoyed at this - even though I've been open minded about porn?

[BattyKoda]

Found out that DP rang a sex line, one of those thats on the tv. It's really got to me, even though I know he looks at porn occasionally, and I haven't had a problem with that, he has an extremly high sex drive and I cna't keep up!

How would you feel? I don't really know what to do... he's sleeping on the sofa.

yep, that would lose you the moral high ground

I keep boiling up into a complete rage about it. And I have to go to the hospital this afternoon about said health ishoos, great fucking timing.

I'm taking up smoking again.

I did go shopping with his bank card this morning though....that's helped

Definitely lose you the moral high ground but would love to see his face if you did

Him getting annoyed at you getting annoyed isn't on, unless you plan on keeping it going for months. You do need to tell him that you need to talk but want a bit of time to calm down first. Then have the talk and make it clear what you do feel is acceptable and what isn't regards porn. Maybe you should talk about your sex life too and see what compromise you can come to at least while your health issues are ongoing.

I'm not saying you're in the wrong at all but if it is an issue between you it does need sorting. Perhaps some couples counselling may help?

It may be a good idea to repost this in relationships, if you haven't already.

don't smoke just because he has been a dick

that is daft

Shopping with the bank card is good though

I think he's getting annoyed because he's annoyed at himelf IYSWIM. He is massively embarrassed about the whole thing. Dick.

I might bring it up at dinner, when his Mum's here.

you are making me laugh now, BK

I have to say, altho you have been together a long time, and had differences before, this doesn't seem a good way to be embarking on a marriage.

BK, answer his call, TELL him how upset you are, and that you will talk about it later. Seething silence won't solve anything (nor will letting his mates all know what a complete pillock he is, altho it's tempting in the heat of the moment).

Tonight, when the kids are settled, turn off the TV, and point out how you feel, point out that he isn't an animal, and should be able to control himself better than this. For him it may "just" be sex, but it is more important to you than that, and you need him to understand that, and RESPECT it.

Thank you everyone for your advice, you've been good to me, considering this is AIBU!

Clumsymum...your post has got me thinking, maybe I could be a bit more 'hands on'. Not that I am justifying what he has done, at all, but is is something that I should be thinking about.

"your post has got me thinking, maybe I could be a bit more 'hands on'. Not that I am justifying what he has done, at all, but is is something that I should be thinking about. "

Good.

I have to say that it helped me too, as I had come out of hospital feeling "what kind of a wife can I be, what is this going to do to our relationship". Well I found I could give pleasure (and receive it ) just as well, even tho it may not be the 'conventional' way. That made me feel much better about myself too, at a time whern I could have become quite depressed about my situation.

I still think you dp is a stupid bugger for what he did, mind you.

OK if you have this level of committed relationship with this man I really think you are over-reacting. From what I recall of Babestation, it isn't actually a livechat facility, so he would have been listening to other people talking about (or pretending to have) sex - no direct interaction between him and Another Woman (and TBH if he had rung a livechat service you would be silly to work yourself up imagining that there was an actual gorgeous model genuinely keen to meet him on the other end of the phone.). He hasn't shagged anyone else. He rang a sexline because he wanted a wank rather than pressure you for sex. The fact taht you are raging mad about it and threatening to throw him out despite your wonderful committed blah blah blah suggests that maybe there are sufficiently serious problems for you to reconsider your wedding plans, but it would be a big mistake to tell yourself that it's all the fault of his evil bestial sex drive.

I would have been furious so not surprised your're so pissed off with him.

Why did he need to phone a sex line to have a wank?? Does he not have any imagination?

I would be cross about the cost but that's all.

Obviously, I would be livid, too.

But really, is it so bad? He was tired, desperate for sex, saw an ad, and was tempted. Perhaps he's stressed out about the children, your health and the wedding? Anyone can make a mistake.

If he's a good partner and father, and won't do it again, just put it behind you. Why stew on it and make him (and you) feel even worse?

(On the other hand, if he has loads of other faults, ignore what I'm saying!)

YANBU. If you believe him then you can work it out but 1 night on the sofa seems a lenient response and the old 'I'll get angry because you're still angry' tactic is deeply annoying.

I personally would be incredibly sceptical of him because my depressive, high-maintenance ex of several years rang a sex line once. I was livid, as I thought he'd spoken to the woman and interacted with her and that felt like cheating compared to porn. He assured me he just listened in + it was a one-off. A few months later I tracked down a missing BT bill (the one he paid and I had no sight of, I applied for it slyly) and it wasn't a one-off and I rang the numbers and they definitely weren't the ones you just listen to.

He might have had an isolated rush of blood to the penis that you can live with, this might be bringing out other suspicions and tensions around the wedding - I guess you know that better than anyone.

shiney...you would have absolutely no objection then to him spending family money on such shenanigans ?

"He really shouldn't have to justify what he uses when he tosses off should he?"

Yep, if he's using more than just a magazine, or maybe an old style video. If he goes to a prossie, but only wanks with her, would that be OK?

And there seems to be the idea that it's ok for a guy to "satisfy his lust" whenever, however, like a rutting stag. Jeeeze !!!

I'm pretty sure that if DH is feeling horny, but I'm not, he copes without bursting into flames.

As I said earlier, I think BK's dp needs to gain a little control over his urges

I would !

That tenner could have bought all manner of useful things...cake, wine, chocolate, M+S party food...