to be irritated at parents accompanying their kids on university visits?

[AmberTheHappyLuddite]

Why do parents do this? I've seen dozens of them in the last few weeks, standing on either side of their offspring like a couple of pot dogs... Why are they there? The decision of which university to go to is not theirs, it has nothing to do with them - these are young adults not babies. It seems bizarrely intrusive to me - I visited all of my potential universities independently, including one five hundred miles away. Nor did I consult my parents about where to go, I informed them of my choice. However, this was a few years ago and my parents put a heavy emphasis on independence.

Let your kids do this alone - it has sod all to do with you now.

err maybe because the kids WANT a second opinion?
There are so many options for continuing education and it can be quite overwhelming!
My parents both went to uni, I discussed my uni options with them at length and was interested in what they had to say.

As a mature student I've been to open days (alone) and have seen parents of 17/18yr olds there and they are the ones who ask the questions that the people giving the flashy presentations don't want to be asked, like "what is your drop out rate", "you said that X% of your graduates are employed, are they actually employed in THIS field" etc. I have never seen a 17/18 year old ask these types of important questions themselves - even if they are unaccompanied.

And as someone pointed out, may parents are funding their children's third level education so it IS their business really

I went alone to the open days and interviews at all my prospective choices (and had attentive, caring, close parents, very supportive of myingoing education), it didn't occur to anyone that mt parents would come.

But now I can't imagine waving DS off alone! Perhaps I will steel myself!

Times change, I guess.

supportive parents accompanying their children.sounds good to me

Aggressive, confrontational, rude...shouldn't get dragged in but hey ho.

I was very independent and competant as a teenager but WANTED one of my parents to come with me because I enjoyed their company and valued their opinions. Chances are they would think of things that I, as a teenager, wouldn't and that is invaluable.

As it was, my mother was seriously ill and missed most of them but my father came. We saw it as one of the milestones or growing up, tripping round unis with your children and then eventually waving them off when they leave! It was a nice thing to do together. Perhaps these parents and children enjoy spending time together, especially if they won't be doing much of it from now on? I agree that some may be doing it because they don't trust their children but maybe they know their children better than an uninformed observer.

YABU, live and let live and accept that you don't know it all.

Oh, and I made my own decision.

The thing is, there is being independent and then there is having support.

Just because the parents have a vested interested does not mean that the child is smothered!

Is a university visit a common thing in the UK then? I didn't actually visit either of the universities that I applied to, although I did ask around about the quality and usefulness of various different courses and got a course outline for the degrees I was interested in.

Hmm I can see the OPs point, I am a lecturer and was surprised at the numbers of parents accompanying their offspring. Mainly because they dominated any question and answer sessions and we have certainly seen a rise in the number of students who seem unable to cope with the day to day living of being at Uni. So are children more cosseted now? Who knows.

JMHO of course

I agree that it does have to be up to the student-to-be deciding where they want to go, but also think that parents have every right to see where their child will be going, if for nothing else than their own peace of mind.

Maybe the students wanted their parents with them for a confidence boost; maybe they couldn't travel alone and their parents offered to drive them; maybe they were unsure of their choice of course or site and wanted an opinion of someone who cared about them. Or maybe any other number of reasons.

But YABU. Just because their parents are there it doesn't mean they are trying to control their choices.

We find at our University that, although we can totally sympathise with the concerned parents coming to look round and ask questions (and I'm sure they want to have a nice day out too), the presence of lots of adults in the room does seem to stop the young people asking honest questions. We found that a particular problem was that a certain sort of adult would ask a question that made them seem incredibly knowledgeable (but was often quite irrelevant - e.g. 'how will the introduction of the REF affect my son's teaching?'), and the result would be that both other adults and the young people would feel stupid and unable to ask questions. It was sometimes quite upsetting on behalf of the potential student - I've watched a one or two young people get very stressed by their parents' questions, and ultimately 'escape' from them to come back and ask different questions when they're on their own. Yes, the parents may well be putting money into the students' education, but it's down to the student to put in the time and the hard work that makes that education worthwhile, and it's upsetting to see young people pushed into three or more years of a life that will make them unhappy. I'm absolutely not saying that this is the case with every parent who comes on an open day, and there are lots of parents who do seem to come to help their child and have a nice day out with them, but the presence of the very involved parent is extremely noticeable - and to be honest, I think we tend to attract the more extreme parenting type at our University

We now shuffle the parents into another room, to have an talk aimed at their concerns, and for them to ask their own questions, and the students themselves have a talk and question session that's aimed at their concerns.

YANBU.

I could not agree more. It is yet another way in which young adults are being infantilised by an overly competitive generation.

I was asked by my best mate and parent to an 18 year old to look over her "personal" statement to Oxford for her UCCA (UCAS these days?) form as I had studied at Cambridge. I refused, both on the basis that it is wrong and, more practically, that any admissions tutor worth his/her salt can tell the difference between something written by an 18 year old and a middle aged man.

People who say that it is the "green eyed monster" are so wrong. I could not imagine anything worse than my wife and I accompanying my son when he reaches that stage (he is only 10 months old!). If we have done our job properly, he will be capable of making his own judgement. And, if he goes to a marginally less perfect uni, will it really matter to him?! I think that being empowered to take control of one's own life and then being LET GO is the best gift any parent can give a child.

I had some lovely days with my dad travelling to and looking round universities - 20 odd years ago. It was fab time spent together, just the two of us.

Went to some on my own too.

Don't see why it's anyone else's business who you go with!

My school actually took groups of us to visit universities (back in ye olden days ). No parents allowed!

yabvu. jesus is it such a crime to take your parents? also isn't it just normal to help your kids make decisions on major life choices such as which uni to choose.

I don't entirely agree with the OP - whether parents attend or not is very much an individual matter and depends on a huge range of factors from the distance involved to the maturity of the child.

But I am shocked at some of the ugly comments directed at her on here - suggests a nerve has been touched.

I will be taking my son to an interview at uni on Wednesday but not spending the whole day with him, as he will have tests, presentations etc, so I will go and do some shopping or something. I can't see any problem in going along with your children to something as important as this, if they are comfortable with it, which our son is. Daughter was much happier doing this kind of thing on her own but even then, I took her to one particular Open Day.

I think it's good to show an interest in where your children are potentially spending three years, spending lots of your money etc and if they are happy with their parent(s) being there, why not?

YANBU!!!! I am so glad someone thinks this too!!
My son has been on so many open days where he has been the only person without a parent. On these visits, he has talked to students about what they think about the university - something he would never have done with me there.

I would have been rabbiting on about 'Oh what a nice course, what a nice room, what a nice opportunity'.... what help is that to him? HE has to make the decision where to go, and I will support him all the way. He is quite capable of understanding a talk, and most of the info is available on the web.

I am quite happy for him to travel 200+ miles alone - if he gets stuck, he has a debit card and a phone. What is the trouble? What can happen to him that can't happen in the nearest town? Someone said they wouldn't wnat their child travelling 15 miles to an interview... WHAT? Children travel further than that to school every day!!!

I would prob go with my ds as I think it would feel right as I have been involved in his education and decision making so far and at 17 would want to show support.All families are different

I don't get why it would be wrong to scan someone's UCAS form personal statement and make comments or suggestions. In what way is that wrong? After all all applicants get adult help with these IMO as colleges and schools help out with them, read them, make suggestions, advise, etc - seeing as it is part of their job and they are in a good position to help teenagers sell themselves well. I have done this both in a teaching capacity and on a personal level for friend's children. Definitely not wrong IMO.

Riven- DOH!I didn't mean 15 miles I meant 500 which was what the OP said

I just don't think this has anything to do with apron strings in MOST cases

I first went to uni at 18 and my mother accompanied me.
I had not lived with her for about a year at that point. - We were never the type of mother daughter to ever live in each other's pockets BUT I really valued her opinion on this issue.

I was independent enough to back pack without my parents that summer but as second opinions go when it comes to unis, I think my mother (and academic) was a perfectly sensible option

I think it depends entirely on what the student wants to do.
i went with my DD to her open days, because she asked me to come. i kept my nose out, and if i had a question, tried to do it out of her earshot as to not embaress her in any way.

'I'm not sure I would want my 17 yr old travelling alone 15 miles to a uni interview.What if a train doesn't run and they are stranded for the night.At least an adult has credit cards to pay for a hotel'
PrincessParty

you are joking right?
first of all, uni towns tend to have very frequent trains anyway because of the demand from students.
secondly, what 17 year old doesnt have a debit card and a mobile nowadays?
thirdly, if it was 15 miles away, i would go pick them up or ask a friend.
and lastly, open days dont tend to finish late enough for this to be a problem.

i realise you might not be aware of these things but seriously....