To have had enough of ex-wife's quack b**s***

[stoat]

So partners little boy comes to stay with us every other weekend and it is great. No probs with that. But control freak ex-wife (actually still wife, they are not divorced yet.... long story) is an "allergy therapist" and every time he comes there is some new friggin food he can't have. It changes every few weeks coz she "tests" him by bending his arm. Load of rubbish in my opinion but I tolerate it but now I am sick of it all interfering in our lives. Latest thing tonight is that he can't "run around" tomorrow as he has "had a treatment" that needs to "settle". So no tennis for us as planned.

I was expressing my opinion, not arguing, or in a competition and I don't do sports days as I work and have three kids at three different schools so I'll leave that to you eh, seeing as it seems to weigh on your mind .

There are lots of ways to bring up kids without abusing them, and I don't think the lady in the OP is abusive I think she is scared, and bitchy unsympathetic people like you probably just make people like her feel more shit about herself than she already does.

There are plenty of ways to make your opinion known on line without resorting to snidiness, boys and girls.

FWIW I agree with Xenia, as I fairly often do. OP, you should butt out of all food arrangements at the weekend. Let your partner sort it. You do the pots instead.

Ladyanonymous, I don't know what you did to attract the flak you have got here. Your exH's DP sounds like a nightmare.

I agree with Abundantia - I don't think the exwife is a nutcase she just has different beliefs.

Some of what has been said about the "arm bending" and the boys understanding of chemicals and things sound like she is into kinesiology and other beliefs about chemicals and nutrition.

I work with someone like this and have even participated in the "arm bending" but not for allergies. It can also be used for healing and stuff.

Mathsanxiety I made the mistake of remaining best friends with my ex, I think it unerved her, a lot.

I honestly believe that if parted couples could remain on good terms and introduce new partners to get to know each other life would be a lot rosier for many adults and many more children.

Sadly that will never happen - human nature being the fickle thing it is and all..

sorry havent read all the posts ,but is it at all possible that the mother is doing this as a sort of revenge ,thinking up mad requirements every couple of weeks,sending her son off to his dads ,whilst she cackles madly into a nice glass of wine i dont wish to pry ,but as the op's partner isnt yet divorced ,could it be the wife thinks of her as a home wrecker ? not saying the op is ,just what a man tells one woman isnt always whats going on in reality is it ?

Abundantia, thanks for your post. Yes I think ExW is a very spiritual person and we probably couldn't be more different. I don't doubt she has her DS's best interests at heart and I think she must be a good mum as DSS is a lovely child. Credit to his parents.

I also appreciate the posts advising me to give DP a nudge in the right direction. I think you are all right. I bottle things up too much. The divorce has been too long coming. DP acknowledges that and has promised to get arse in gear. Yes, I am in a very unstable position WRT our baby and unresolved divorce.

I should clarify that ExW is not single parent. She left DP to live with another man before I came on the scene. DP does his fair share around the house and goes above and beyond to care for DSS (financially and emotionally). I think DP does need to put his foot down regarding the current state of affairs. Biased me again but ExW is v. fortunate to have non-bitter soon-to-be ExH who has made transition for DS to new life as smooth as possible (and therefore releasing her from a lot of guilt).

ExW and I are civil but I can imagine she feels threatened by new baby and what effect that might have on her DS and his relationship with his dad. That said, I can only say DSS has a great time with us and shows sweet affection for his baby sibling.

Does anyone have any proof on the arm-bending? I JUST CAN'T GET MY HEAD AROUND IT. ANd I don't get why you would inflict that on your child. Still batshit

thats a rather massive (and a little inane) suggestion, isn't it?

I think she sounds bonkers as conkers, tbh, but prefer to think that she means well, as I think most people, in general, do what they believe is right for their children. There is no information here that would lead me to think that the primary motivation is antagonising the ex and his gf, though I'll buy that its not an effect she minds that much.
Maybe I'm just feeling generous?

bonkers as conkers.i love that expression.must unashamedly steal it and use liberally,it deserves a lot of usage

One I read somewhere today was Mad as a box of Frogs - love that one!

Stoat - the road to hell is paved with good intentions, report this woman to social services.

Social services would laugh at you. Report for what?

runnybottom I can't help but think your view of life generally is very naive.....it is perfectly acceptable to take people at face value but occasionally instinct has to kick in if something does not feel right.

Don't you think?

RB the woman is obviously a complete and utter looney who should have no contact with children - medical diagnosis by bending an elbow?

Most social services depts across the country are on emergency measures right now as, surprisingly, not many people are biting at the bit to become a social worker...

I would be very surprised if they even took this further than an intial phone call, unless there are other issues the OP has not mentioned.

I am sure I will be corrected if I am worng.

I'm with thesecondcoming on this one.

I have never even heard of arm bending to help diagnose allergies or intolerances. I just took my DD to the GP after a severe reaction to a cream egg and after blood tests (which tested for everything you could think of) she is only allergic to one thing which won't affect her really.

It never occurred to me that I could have saved her the distress of a blood test at 18 months old and could have just asked someone to bend her arm for the same diagnosis.

As a mother of an allergic child who visits his father every other weekend, these are my views:

Keep in mind that while you see the kid in alternate weekends, she is dealing with her child the rest of the time, so... you can feed him whatever you want in the weekend and she is the one who will be dealing with him for the rest of the week, the one the school will contact when child tells the teacher he feels sick after the breakfast his dad has provided, the one who will be dealing with the associated problems after the child have been eating food that he is intolerant to.

You won't notice any of that, because by the time you get to see the child in 2 weeks time, she would have been working in putting things right just for all her work to be ruined again because his father doesn't understand his actions have consequences, and in that I don't blame him, he is not around to see how what those consequences are.

Don't take the word of an 8 yr old very seriously, I know my child has told the school he is allergic to soup, and many vegetables that he is perfectly allowed to eat, but he doesn't fancy or like. Don't think either that everything the child says comes from his mum, my son has me bored sick of talk about healthy food, saturated fats, etc etc and I blame the school for that, not his father. Although I assume that if his father hear him talking, and not being aware of what DS does at school, he would place all the blame on me!

And don't take the word of your partner as the absolute truth, he might be annoyed with his ex and painting an unfair picture of her just to get your support.

And don't forget that your ex doesn't see much of his ex, therefore he doesn't have an idea of what she is up to. FWIW she might have been advised by the child's allergician to try the foods and they are getting to the end of the trial, but, if your partner doesn't communicate with her, it is easy for him to assume she has been seeing quack doctors.

Stoat - this is from Allergy UK website

"Are there other forms of Testing?

Other (Non-conventional) Allergy Tests are not considered to be relevant, standardised or repeatable and are considered to have no place in the diagnosis of allergy. These include Applied Kinesiology (measures muscle strength), Auricular Cardiac Reflex Method (measures strongest pulse at wrist), Hair Analysis, Leukocytotoxic Tests and Vega Testing ( measures the electromagnetic fields produced by the sufferer).

If in doubt, always request evidence of the results of approved clinical trials."