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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really really REALLY f@&%ng pissed off!!

164 replies

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 01:35

Today is DHs brothers birthday, and hes having a party at a pub. He called and invited us to come, but it was such short notice we decided to stay in as we didnt have a sitter. DH told me that its more a lads night so he might just go for an hour or 2. I said fine.
After grooming himself for hours, even getting a hair cut, after Ive been begging him to get one for months, and I mean months, he was looking like a flipping mushroom!
His brother mentioned DHs ex girlfriend is going to be there as she is his brothers step sister, she didnt get the lads night memo apparently! So I decided I do want to go, I havent been out since I got back from an extended trip last november and wouldnt mind going for a few drinks and a laugh and also to spy as she has been very touchy feely with him even in my presence, and obviously still has feelings for him. He was visibly upset that I decided to go and called his mum in a huff to look after lily, making excuses and saying she already has his niece looking after. Its 12 pm, Lily would just be asleep!!!
After screwing his face up while I got dressed , him zipping a piece of my flesh into my dress zipper, thats right, my underarm is bleeding at this point, I quietly already decided not to go. I was just waiting to see how far he would go to put me off. He then announced its to late and we best stay home. So I undressed and he took his coat and shoes off. He then started gabbing about hes not really a party person anymore, and he would much prefer stay home with DD and I.
2 mins later his phone rings, his sister who apparently didnt get the lads night memo either, calling to say everyone {who is everyone? its only supposed to be a few friends and family that we see on a regular basis} is asking for him and if he was still coming. He was re dressed in 1 min and out the door without even asking if I wanted to go, now im just sat here fuming about why he didnt want me to go. Am I just being paranoid? really want to punch his lights out right now!

OP posts:
KateBeckinsale · 04/04/2010 01:45

If you have a sitter just turn up. He so obviously wants to see his ex without you there... so why have you just lay back and let him do exactly what he wanted?

Serious lack of communication and a little bit huffy and childish on both sides.

outnumbered2to1 · 04/04/2010 01:47

sounds like its not a lads night only and if i were you i would lock the door and leave my key in the lock so he can't his keys in the door and let him sleep in the fucking porch or garden shed. Selfish bastard

outnumbered2to1 · 04/04/2010 01:50

sorry lillysmum - that might have been a bit harsh - bit of a barney with DP - the fucking arse

Thediaryofanobody · 04/04/2010 02:16

Were you really going to get a child out of bed at midnight so you could keep an eye on your DH?

Original poster
lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 02:34

nobody, she is still awake even now, she was ill last week and it has thrown her bedtime routine out of whack, but yes i would have! she wont die if she wakes up for 30 mins.
Outnumbered, i feel like doing just that to be honest, im just really upset about it.Kate, i didnt even get a chance to see him leave! i was in the loo and i heard him saying bye to DD and then the door shut! I cant just turn up, I have DD with me and I dont drive.

OP posts:
Foxymona · 04/04/2010 02:58

What a complete and utter git he is. I would go with your intuition on this one.

When you see him next don't loose the rag and give him an excuse to say you are being a jealous hysterical woman etc (as men do). be nice and calm and really let him know that he has been an absolute bastard and that you will not be treated in that manner again. Then leave for a few days...

Theresnoplacelikehome · 04/04/2010 03:07

You were going to take your child out at midnight and round to your mums just so you could go and check up on your DP? She's been ill and her sleep pattern is out? Sounds like it's seriously out and carting her off round your mums would have been the worst thing to help her settle into regular sleeptimes again, surely?

Sorry to sound harsh but why are you with him if you feel the need to go to that sort of length to check up on him? Sometimes it's nice to go out without your DP, not becuase you want to get up to anything (or cheat) but just to have some time alone with friends/family, it's healthy. Perhaps that's why he was pissed off that you decided to come last minute? Or perhaps he thought you might make a scene as his ex was there? Or perhaps he was annoyed as he realised you don't trust him?

I think YABU, sorry.

Foxymona · 04/04/2010 03:35

Theresnoplacelikehome- I think your comment is idealistic at best or naive at worst.

Perhaps it IS nice to spend time away from your partner and have innocent fun with family and friends and not so much as notice the touchy feely ex of yours.

Or perhaps he is being a git who deliberately has made his wife so uncomfortable that the only thing she has in her head right now is what the hell he is up to and why he made her feel completely unwelcome.

If we all left our partners because we felt the need to check up on them at some point in the relationship... I'd say about 2% of the population would be married.

gtamom · 04/04/2010 04:12

YANBU. If you can't go, can you send in a spy friend in your place?
I'd be really shocked, upset and mad if my dp ever carried on like that, and maybe your dp isn't as good as a partner as he ought to be.

ChippingIn · 04/04/2010 07:21

YANBU - he is being a complete arse! Is he often like this?

You sound quite young - are you? (Would be nice to be young again, so this is in no way any kind of slight!!) In my younger days I would have sent a friend around to discreetly check out what was going on - without a doubt. Now - I would wait until tomorrow, then in a very calm, cold & quiet voice tell him that if he ever treats me like that again, he will find himself without a wife - likewise if I find out he has been 'playing around'. He would be very clear that I meant it.

YouCantTeuchThis · 04/04/2010 07:30

HAve you put DD in the bed to 'play with Daddy' this morning yet?! Actually, I hope you didn't let him in - behaving like an arse!

Why, why, WHY would you deliberately make your partner feel so excluded and, as a result, suspicious.

I second ChippingIn - if he is home this morning, make sure he knows you want to talk to him later when he is fully able to comprehend the importance of what you are saying, then be very clear that he cannot behave like that again.

Good luck.

SouthMum · 04/04/2010 07:46

YANBU - What a wanker. Sorry but its obviousn he wanted to go without you to see his ex. This sort of carry on would cause a MAJOR ruckus if this was me.

What an absolute prick he is.

shakingmyfattybumbum · 04/04/2010 08:22

What happened?

cluckyduck · 04/04/2010 08:59

Is it any wonder your DD is having trouble getting back to a normal sleeping pattern with you both up and about at midnight, and thinking it is ok to dump her at your mums in the middle of the night so you can go out?!

I'm sorry but you both sound about 15, grow up.

princessparty · 04/04/2010 09:53

what does looking like a mushroom mean

cluckyduck · 04/04/2010 10:04

Probably his hair was so long/bushy it was Making his head look like a mushroom?

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/04/2010 10:07

oh dear LM, let me know how you all are today!! If you are at a loose end you and I can do something with the dc!!!

LittleMrsHappy · 04/04/2010 10:09

bowl cut maybe.

I have to say instead of sitting on a Internet forum, you should have been trying to get your dd into a routine, Im going to presume as your dd never went to bed until 1am she/ and you will be having a lie in.

I think you and your partner need to sort your priorities out!

It all sounds very schoolish to me and tbh, very immature!

posieparker · 04/04/2010 10:10

Oh how many times could I have written a post like that??? He's a wanker and, from bitter experience, he'll never change.

runnybottom · 04/04/2010 10:10

Your OP appears to say that you think your DH was up to something with his sister, and you go out in the middle of the night waking up babies and mothers and so on.

I think you should go on Jeremy Kyle to sort it out.

LittleMrsHappy · 04/04/2010 10:11

ive just looked, it was way past 1am, seriously get it sorted

mummyofexcitedprincesses · 04/04/2010 10:27

It sounds like a right mess. You need to get it sorted one way or another. He should not be treating you like this. You need to get it out in the open for the sake of your relationship and your child. In your shoes I would not be very impressed either.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

WidowWadman · 04/04/2010 10:36

runnybottom - I'm glad that I'm not the only one who noticed the sibling thing.

HarlotOTara · 04/04/2010 10:44

It is his brother's step-sister - read the post properly, talk about judging someone evidentally upset.

runnybottom · 04/04/2010 10:52

I read it properly, see this bit....
"2 mins later his phone rings, his sister who apparently didnt get the lads night memo either, calling to say everyone {who is everyone? its only supposed to be a few friends and family that we see on a regular basis} is asking for him and if he was still coming"

See? Clearly says his sister....