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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be really really REALLY f@&%ng pissed off!!

164 replies

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 01:35

Today is DHs brothers birthday, and hes having a party at a pub. He called and invited us to come, but it was such short notice we decided to stay in as we didnt have a sitter. DH told me that its more a lads night so he might just go for an hour or 2. I said fine.
After grooming himself for hours, even getting a hair cut, after Ive been begging him to get one for months, and I mean months, he was looking like a flipping mushroom!
His brother mentioned DHs ex girlfriend is going to be there as she is his brothers step sister, she didnt get the lads night memo apparently! So I decided I do want to go, I havent been out since I got back from an extended trip last november and wouldnt mind going for a few drinks and a laugh and also to spy as she has been very touchy feely with him even in my presence, and obviously still has feelings for him. He was visibly upset that I decided to go and called his mum in a huff to look after lily, making excuses and saying she already has his niece looking after. Its 12 pm, Lily would just be asleep!!!
After screwing his face up while I got dressed , him zipping a piece of my flesh into my dress zipper, thats right, my underarm is bleeding at this point, I quietly already decided not to go. I was just waiting to see how far he would go to put me off. He then announced its to late and we best stay home. So I undressed and he took his coat and shoes off. He then started gabbing about hes not really a party person anymore, and he would much prefer stay home with DD and I.
2 mins later his phone rings, his sister who apparently didnt get the lads night memo either, calling to say everyone {who is everyone? its only supposed to be a few friends and family that we see on a regular basis} is asking for him and if he was still coming. He was re dressed in 1 min and out the door without even asking if I wanted to go, now im just sat here fuming about why he didnt want me to go. Am I just being paranoid? really want to punch his lights out right now!

OP posts:
ChangeNameChangeLife · 04/04/2010 16:15

Wow this thread has reached new heights of ridicule and I feel sorry for the OP. I can not believe some of you are getting your kickers in such a twist because a baby may or may not have its routine disturbed for one night. And are you so decrepit that you can not remember nights out that started after 11pm? Personally I need to be in bed by then but totally recognise there is a life going on outside.

I am actually shocked by some of you, the lack of sympathy and tolerance is breathtaking. But OP there are some normal people on here offering good advice and support so I hope you stay.

SueSylvester · 04/04/2010 16:39

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lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 16:59

Sue , I'm not a student and my definition of knacker is probably different to yours as I have a few aussie friends and they use that word alot and it basically means friend. I am just gratefull I dont live in your world where you dont go out after 11pm and then swear at random strangers on internet forums, not very proper now is it??

OP posts:
ScreaminEagle · 04/04/2010 17:05

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lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 17:05

Thanks changename, who knew mumsnet could get so rough! DD is 3 so its not like shes still breast feeding, one night up late definitely wont kill her!

OP posts:
thesunshinesbrightly · 04/04/2010 17:12

Lilysmummy - I really wouldn't worry about what is said here, half of them pick up on something or disagree with something and they go on and on about,does not matter how much you explain some jsut can't let it go, ignore them,they like to make people feel bad, makes their day seem much more worthwhile

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 17:14

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JaceyBee · 04/04/2010 17:15

"Nights out that start at midnight are for students and knackers"

Well as far as I know knackers means testicles but that doesn't seem to make a lot of sense either.

SueSylvester and a few others, you are being incredibly shrill and judgemental. Lily's mummy, don't leave mn because of the small-minded few, most of us are normal!

You have had some good advice on here too, esp from mrs boogie.

moondog · 04/04/2010 17:16

Blimey,calm down you lot.

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 17:16

Now it doesnt feel very nice when someone judges you without knowing you does it Eagle!

OP posts:
lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 17:21

Thanks jacey, I know most of you are sweethearts and have been in the place I am now or know someone who has. I just feel so very rejected and hurt by his actions and needed a place to let it all out. Maybe will hide from AIBU or change my name and create a stepford wife type online persona, maybe then these mumsnetters who have so much to say about what is socially acceptably will shut up!

OP posts:
thesunshinesbrightly · 04/04/2010 17:22

Eagle - you clearly have issue's.

ScreaminEagle · 04/04/2010 17:25

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lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 17:42

eagle, I didnt really want to go out, we had decided to stay in as we didnt have a sitter, but when he said he wanted to go, I automatically assumed he meant me as well. This is why got suspicious when he started to kick up a fuss when I said Im going to get dressed. The OP post did mention that his ex has been touch feely even in my presence and he has always brushed it off. I dont trust her, why should I and why would he be so adamant that I stay in unless he has some ulterior motive. We hardly ever go out, as i dont really drink, and neither does he and our finances are a bit strained at the moment, so a shitty night at the pub would have been a welcome change.
I am getting wound up as this behaviour is totally out of character. I have just checked his face book friends, he has added her as a friend 9 days ago, should I be worried now??

OP posts:
LittleMrsHappy · 04/04/2010 17:44

Tbh, im still of the opinion of my 1st post! any parent can go out at a time of their discretion after they have made sure their child's with a sitter and a acceptable time! Which for any normal family would be early evening or no latter than 7.30/8.30 at the latest!

The temperature last night was below freezing (I was out until 5am this morning) You knew about the family party beforehand as your dh had a haircut (assuming most hairdressers opened until 6pm) (correct me if I am wrong about the destination/time) so you had plenty of notice beforehand!

Knowing this and the information you have gave, for me you are not a responsible parents in even contemplating taking your dd out at this time of early hours.

Im sorry also if you had enough time to switch on the computer etc ..... you had plenty of time to get your dd routine back in track!

Im sorry your family life is not a happy one atm, but I really do think you need to change your priorities when concerning your dd on your nights out, you need to make adequate provisions beforehand and if a late night call comes up (for me anyhow) I would be saying No I have my children and it way too late, maybe some notice beforehand would be better if going out!

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 17:56

Happy, he cuts his own hair, but barber are open well after 10pm in parts of London. He only decided to go at about 10.30, which is when he rang his mum, who was looking after his niece. What time my DD goes to bed isnt the issue here, I really wish all you perfect routine parents would just give it a rest. I am a great mum and dont need you to tell me my responsibilities. You crawling in at 5am doesnt sound too responsible to me.

OP posts:
LittleMrsHappy · 04/04/2010 18:00

My children was with their Dad at home snuggled in bed, I didn't finish work until 5am this morning, so pretty responsible parent here!

I walked through my door, did not crawl.

you might be a great mum, but Im afraid I cant say that for last night now can we , you were hardly being the responsible parent last night.

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/04/2010 18:03

LilyMummy, in a couple of weeks I am off out for another night with a few friends. We only go to a local pub but it is always a blast in there....I will give you a bell when I know the exact date ok !!!

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 18:10

I was as far as I am concerned, I didnt go out and I didnt kick off or start a huge row in front DD which I could have done.

Evenstar, definitely, the IM is playing up again, so call me when you know dates!

OP posts:
looneytune · 04/04/2010 18:27

Totally agree with ChangeNameChangeLife. I hardly ever go out myself and wouldn't at this time of night on a last minute thing but I'm certainly not going to judge someone on something for ONE NIGHT when she's clearly upset.

{{big hugs}} to OP, I can't believe how nasty some of these people have been considering how hurt you must be right now.

I haven't read the whole thread but have you spoken to dh about this yet?

LittleMrsHappy · 04/04/2010 18:30

but its not been one night, apparently this is a regular occurrence going by the knacker and wot not post!

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 18:34

happy, it has been one night, read the thread!

Looney thanks, he just got up, im just feeling like crap now and want to get this over with. will let you know how it turns out.

OP posts:
LittleMrsHappy · 04/04/2010 18:41

I have read the thread opinion still stands.

Its getting pathetic now tbh, thankfully none of mu circle would even consider doing this regarding their children.

I personally think it wrong, but I do hope you feel better and get the situation sorted with your O/H

Foxymona · 04/04/2010 18:42

Have the strict-routine-mums-brigade got nothing to do today or what?

They would be well off actually READING the post again. Once again may have to revert to diagrams to explain it to them. Eagle- you certainly do have issues.

Anyway not the point.

He added her 9 days ago? More fuel to the fire I think. Did he get up yet?

LittleMrsHappy · 04/04/2010 18:54

To be honest this has nothing to do with the routine brigade, it is not normal for a 3 year old to be awake till 3am (ish) in the early hours of the morning.

I understand the OP saying she is out of bed times due to various issues, but tbh the last thing I would be doing is coming onto a forum while my child was still awake at this time, I would be trying to get her into a normilsh bedtime.

It is not normal or even good to the child's welfare to have her days turned into nights.

Their is 3 issues here, the op, the dh and the child's.

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