Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really really REALLY f@&%ng pissed off!!

164 replies

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 01:35

Today is DHs brothers birthday, and hes having a party at a pub. He called and invited us to come, but it was such short notice we decided to stay in as we didnt have a sitter. DH told me that its more a lads night so he might just go for an hour or 2. I said fine.
After grooming himself for hours, even getting a hair cut, after Ive been begging him to get one for months, and I mean months, he was looking like a flipping mushroom!
His brother mentioned DHs ex girlfriend is going to be there as she is his brothers step sister, she didnt get the lads night memo apparently! So I decided I do want to go, I havent been out since I got back from an extended trip last november and wouldnt mind going for a few drinks and a laugh and also to spy as she has been very touchy feely with him even in my presence, and obviously still has feelings for him. He was visibly upset that I decided to go and called his mum in a huff to look after lily, making excuses and saying she already has his niece looking after. Its 12 pm, Lily would just be asleep!!!
After screwing his face up while I got dressed , him zipping a piece of my flesh into my dress zipper, thats right, my underarm is bleeding at this point, I quietly already decided not to go. I was just waiting to see how far he would go to put me off. He then announced its to late and we best stay home. So I undressed and he took his coat and shoes off. He then started gabbing about hes not really a party person anymore, and he would much prefer stay home with DD and I.
2 mins later his phone rings, his sister who apparently didnt get the lads night memo either, calling to say everyone {who is everyone? its only supposed to be a few friends and family that we see on a regular basis} is asking for him and if he was still coming. He was re dressed in 1 min and out the door without even asking if I wanted to go, now im just sat here fuming about why he didnt want me to go. Am I just being paranoid? really want to punch his lights out right now!

OP posts:
posieparker · 04/04/2010 10:56

No, she says that step sister and sister didn't get the memo....I am assuming they are two people.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 04/04/2010 11:02

The word "either" would imply to me that his sister was a different person to the ex!

runnybottom · 04/04/2010 11:04

ok, fair enough, but still doesn't change the rest of it.
Who brings babies out to sitters at midnight?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 04/04/2010 11:07

Not me. But then Im usually such a lightweight im in bed for 9pm these days!!
Went to a gig last weekend and instead of going to a pub afterwards like I used to I went home for a nice cup of tea.

oranges · 04/04/2010 11:19

This is so mumsnet.is my husband having an affair?yes but you still musnt disrupt a childs routine.

thesecondcoming · 04/04/2010 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 11:32

right, so he turned up about 4 am, fucking starving and half drunk and and acting like nothing was wrong.
He asked if there wasnt anything to eat, i just ingnored him, he knows where this kitchen is! I asked him if there was no food at the party, and he said by the time he got there there was none.
I just gave him the cold shoulder and he was gabbing on about what a laugh it was and I said 'thats good you had a good time, too bad i had to stay home, i obviously am not entitled to a go out and have laugh as well', at which he just shutup.
He slept on the sofa and has not woken up yetbut we will be having a proper talk when he does

All the people raving about DD and her bedtime, please calm down! This is my life here. Im am 27, married only a year, and dependant on this asshole to provide for me till I return to work, so I think DDs routine at night is a minor matter. She will fall back in in a couple of nights. Her Nan, which is his mum rather than my mum lives 2 minutes away.

What bugs me the most is not the fact that he wanted a night out, all he had to do was tell me and i would have been fine. Its the fact that his behaviour made me feel very unwelcome and like he had something to hide.

OP posts:
Original poster
lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 11:36

just to clarify, his ex is his half brothers {different dad same mum} step sister,
and his sister {same mum and dad} rang as she was at the party too

OP posts:
RunawayWife · 04/04/2010 11:48

He is a git, and I would have locked the frigging door and let him sleep in the car/garden/gutter with the rest of the trash

posieparker · 04/04/2010 11:53

Sounds as if he's been brought up to be a selfish git and his family, female, sound like they completely disregard you as well. Just like my Dh's family.....

Original poster
lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 11:57

yes, none of them like me

OP posts:
runnybottom · 04/04/2010 12:00

and you are with him why?

Aussieng · 04/04/2010 12:02

LM - even if you were a bit unreasonable to be considering getting your LO out of bed at that time it is clearly your DH's unreasonable behaviour which has driven you to that. He sounds like a complete selfis arse and I hope you really give him what for today. I hope you're being good and noisy so he can't sleep!

cluckyduck · 04/04/2010 12:14

Why are you stilltogether then if you
a) don't trust him
b) consider him a "frigging asshole"?

And yes, your daughters sleep is actually important, and sitting up til 3am watching her mum fuck about on the computer probably isn't helping matters.

Triggles · 04/04/2010 12:16

I can't believe you let him sleep in this morning. Personally, DH knows if he decides he wants to go out with friends for a drink in the evening, that's "evening plans"... it doesn't affect "daytime schedules"... which means he's still up the same time I am to get the kids fed, dressed, and such in the morning. If that means he doesn't get much sleep, bummer. But then, DH isn't one for going out until all hours of the night, and very rarely goes out for drinks with friends anyway.

If his family doesn't like you, it's HIS responsibility to deal with either smoothing things over or paving the way for them to be polite and civil to you, or simply telling them to grow up.

Shame you had to deal with this, sounds like he's a right prat.

cluckyduck · 04/04/2010 12:18

Oops just re-read, you didn't say "frigging", my mistake- sorry.

thesteelfairy2 · 04/04/2010 12:19

Jesus this man made it more than clear that he did NOT want his wife to go out on a night out with him to the point of physically hurting her in his frustration was actually really quite mean to her about it making her feel unwanted and a complete nuisance. I totally understand why she might have wanted to go.

Me? I would have said "See Ya!" and told him to piss off and not come back but I can understand why some might react by wanting to go along if only to spoil his fun a bit. Taking her child out of bed as long as it is not a regular occurance to be able to do this does not deserve the drubbing she is getting on here. I have been that unwanted wife so I know how you feel OP.

Original poster
lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 12:27

he hasnt always been an asshole and has been faithful for the 7 years we are quite happy most of the time, its just things like this really throw me off balance.
Triggles you are right he should try to make me feel slightly accepted. i do try but sometimes they make it very hard as they have never really accepted me.

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 04/04/2010 12:27

don't waste your time wanting to be with somebody that doesn't want to be with you...and this guy clearly doesn't want to be with you.

GeekOfTheWeek · 04/04/2010 12:33

I agree with thesteelfairy2 and Nancy66.

I would be very surprised if he was faithful and it does sound like he doesn't want to be with you.

Most of us need time out occasionaly and time alone with our friends but I really think his behaviour was unacceptable. He was mean and sly. Not something I would tolerate.

GeekOfTheWeek · 04/04/2010 12:35

And yes I do think he was hiding something.

ScreaminEagle · 04/04/2010 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jajas · 04/04/2010 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

runnybottom · 04/04/2010 13:07

Hardly extreme. Unless you are on Shameless or something.....

Alouiseg · 04/04/2010 13:08

I'm a firm believer in giving them enough rope to hang themselves. If they are going to get up to no good then they will find a way.

Relax, let go of the leash and take a deep breath. If you show him that you are jealous or insecure you are handing him all the power on a plate.

Worry about your life, your dd and never chase a man round the countryside at midnight!