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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be really really REALLY f@&%ng pissed off!!

164 replies

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 01:35

Today is DHs brothers birthday, and hes having a party at a pub. He called and invited us to come, but it was such short notice we decided to stay in as we didnt have a sitter. DH told me that its more a lads night so he might just go for an hour or 2. I said fine.
After grooming himself for hours, even getting a hair cut, after Ive been begging him to get one for months, and I mean months, he was looking like a flipping mushroom!
His brother mentioned DHs ex girlfriend is going to be there as she is his brothers step sister, she didnt get the lads night memo apparently! So I decided I do want to go, I havent been out since I got back from an extended trip last november and wouldnt mind going for a few drinks and a laugh and also to spy as she has been very touchy feely with him even in my presence, and obviously still has feelings for him. He was visibly upset that I decided to go and called his mum in a huff to look after lily, making excuses and saying she already has his niece looking after. Its 12 pm, Lily would just be asleep!!!
After screwing his face up while I got dressed , him zipping a piece of my flesh into my dress zipper, thats right, my underarm is bleeding at this point, I quietly already decided not to go. I was just waiting to see how far he would go to put me off. He then announced its to late and we best stay home. So I undressed and he took his coat and shoes off. He then started gabbing about hes not really a party person anymore, and he would much prefer stay home with DD and I.
2 mins later his phone rings, his sister who apparently didnt get the lads night memo either, calling to say everyone {who is everyone? its only supposed to be a few friends and family that we see on a regular basis} is asking for him and if he was still coming. He was re dressed in 1 min and out the door without even asking if I wanted to go, now im just sat here fuming about why he didnt want me to go. Am I just being paranoid? really want to punch his lights out right now!

OP posts:
helenwombat · 04/04/2010 13:12

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SixtyFootDoll · 04/04/2010 13:17

Agree with Screaming Eagles.

You both need to look at yourselves.

Last nights debacle sounds like Jeremy Kyle fodder.

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 13:19

screaming eagle, most parties at clubs and pubs start after 11, unless you are from the dark ages where everything shuts down at nightfall.

I am a great parent, who the hell are you to judge my parenting skills! You sound so uptight that you might just explode. If my marriage is on the rocks I think that would be worst than a sleepless night or a late night for DD.

DD is not ill, she was ill 2 weeks ago and has been going to bed later than usual but that can be put right in a day or 2, I know as i have done it before.
I didnt call his mum, he did because he wouldnt let me call my friend, [who lives next door] to stay with DD rather than taking DD to his mums, again making an excuse for me to stay home.

His family dont get along with me, its not that they dont get along, they havent ever really made me feel like part of the family, I am always the outsider.
I have hidden things for my siblings so I am sure none of his relative would come running to tell me if he was screwing his ex on the bar.

I dont understand what you mean by what am I playing at, Im am not playing at anything, Im not a troll, nor a liar, maybe I am crazy to want some advise from idiotic people like you who clearly live in a perfect world with no problems or stress. Maybe you shoud try living in someone elses shoes. Nobody is perfect.

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenstar · 04/04/2010 13:19

I know lilysmummy in rl and her and her DH do normally get on V well.

As for their DD's bedtime when they came back from an extended holiday she slipped right into one after getting over the jet lag!!!

LM knows what I think about the situation as we have just got off the phone after discussing both of our situations today,

LM go and kick his arse

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 13:24

Thank Evenstar, it takes someone in a similar position or who has felt like I have to understand. Thanks for the chat and your oncern. Helen thats true too , I am a total night owl, up all hours as I dont really sleep much

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Foxymona · 04/04/2010 13:49

screaming eagle and cluckyduck would get on well I think. I'm shocked that they are having a freak out over a child- SHOCK HORROR- having her sleep pattern disturbed for one night.

Much better for Mum to let Dad go out and get drunk in the company of touchy feely ex. I'm sure having a good night's sleep will help her deal with the knowledge that Daddy lapsed into an affair.

lilysmummy2007 don't listen to a word they say. Not all of us have the perfect routine, hand knitted cardi's and home baked cookies for our darlings who the world revolves around.

As for the Shameless/Jeremy Kyle comments over the step sister, sister in law confusion- I'd ignore that too. Clearly family trees are complicated for some
Maybe draw them a diagram

SugarMousePink · 04/04/2010 13:52

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

runnybottom · 04/04/2010 13:56

Yeah, we're all clueless, thats the only explanation...
If you want to have the kind of lifestyle that involves going out in the middle of the night, shipping babies off to relatives, jealous fighting, arguing, following untrustworthy men around to check up on them, random relatives calling and exes and assholes....enjoy it.
Hardly in any position to slag anyone else off though are you?

thumbchick · 04/04/2010 13:59

YANBU to have been pissed off at his behaviour and you are still not BU to be pissed off with him now. Whatever his reasons for doing so, he has been a complete arse about this party (and lied about it being a lads' night) so yes, I would be mad as hell with him too! But I sure as hell wouldn't be letting him have a lie in - I'd have been in there early this morning with DD and making damn certain he felt the full weight of his responsibilities.

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 13:59

Thanks Mama, I thought I was quite clear in the first place as well. I dont watch Jeremy Kyle or Shameless, absolute garbage and confusion.

My DHs half brother [same mum different dad] was the result of an affair MIL had with said brothers dad. As a result of this infidelity, the dad divorced and re married a woman with 3 kids, one of them is my DHs ex. They are in no way related by blood, that would be gross!

The sister that called is DHs 100% biological sister, same mum and dad.

Sorry, no Jeremy Kyle fodder there but MIL was a bit loose in her day, 8 kids with 5 different dads, maybe she could get a spot on the Kyle show!

OP posts:
Foxymona · 04/04/2010 14:02

runnybottom- are you not being a bit OTT as this is in reference to ONE particular night.

Apt name by the way

SueSylvester · 04/04/2010 14:04

Who says the JK reference has anything to do with the relatives... more a lifestyle comment I would have thought?

If your husband is having an affair, you have bigger problems than you are wittering on about here.

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 14:05

???? runnybottom, who said you were clueless? And who did i slag off??
So you have never asked anyone in your family to babysit? we never fought, or argued, i didnt follow him and who is the random relative calling?? You dont know what you are talking about.

OP posts:
lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 14:13

I dont watch Jeremy Kyle, so I dont know the content of the programs. And what lifestyle comment!! Going to a birthday party late at night the weekend is something to be ashamed about or frowned upon!! Myb spirit didnt die when I had a child, you are still allowed to have a life after having kids last time i checked, it would be pitiful if I didnt.

I need to leave mumsnet, some of the posters are so judgemental! You all automatically think I fit into a certain stereo type because of one incident on one single night. I wonder how some of you would respond to that kind of treatment.

OP posts:
Mouseface · 04/04/2010 14:14

lilysmummy - ouch, but if you open the flood gates for others to dis your man, they will. Especially if he is being an arse!

I can see why you'd be suspicious, it's almost like he set that situation up. The whole, "Oh, I'd rather be with you two, it's too late to go out" one minute then off out the door the next. Not nice.

Make him pay. Get the bloody hoover out!

thumbchick · 04/04/2010 14:36

mouse, I don't think lilysmummy is upset with the posters dissing her OH, more the ones dissing her! (rightly)

Don't leave, lilysmummy - don't let a few people push you off a very useful resource - just stay off AIBU for a while and post on other nicer threads.

ScreaminEagle · 04/04/2010 15:01

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Foxymona · 04/04/2010 15:17

Screamineagle- you are missing a few points.

SHE didn't call her mother in law- her HUSBAND did- stop having a go at her over something she didn't do.

SHE wasn't the one pretending it was a lads night out with a possible ulterior motive. Her husband was being deceptive and she has causes for concern.

She didn't throw a strop and got undressed when he said he'd rather stay in with her and his DD. Then he made his move and ran out the door.

Let me guess- you have the perfect relationship and have never been in such a situation. Oh and if you were you'd immediately leave.

She's not being selfish- and you aren't paying attention to the details. God why do women snipe and bitch at each other so much? Haven't we grown out of it by now?

SugarMousePink · 04/04/2010 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsboogie · 04/04/2010 15:34

For God's sake - it's all gone a bit holier than thou on here.

OP clearly the whole thing was a set-up. The late invitation, the way he tried to put you off coming then doing a runner. He didn't want you there.You need to know why.

If he is not the type to want to leg it to the pub without you normally, then he clearly had a reason this time. That reason was enough to put him off going if it meant you were going too. I would be deeply suspicious about this ex of his.

He has behaved very very badly and has been very disloyal to you. He has been sneaking around behind your back and behaved very immaturely -it doesn't bode well for what he might get up to out of your sight does it?

You should be looking at this type of behaviour as potentially deal-breaking.

I would be inclined to tell him that you know exactly what his game was and that you are not prepared to be treated like this. Tell him that if he wants out of the relationship he should have the balls to tell you but that if he ever does anything like this again you will take it as confirmation that the relationship is over.

You need to mean it and sound like you mean it.

GeekOfTheWeek · 04/04/2010 15:38

What mrsboogie said.

He is up to no good.

lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 15:40

Mona, thanks so much for the support, Eagle obviously just doesnt understand why I am upset and has a perfect life and realtionship, lucky her.

Mouse, I made as much noise as I could, he got up of the sofa, used the loo and has now locked himself in the room and is snoring. I dont want to be rowdy as DD is here and dont like to argue or shout in front her. I am waiting patiently though, hes got it coming and the longer I sit here the more angry I feel. I dont like getting so angry but this has really got to me, the more i think aboit it and from some of the responces I now really feel I do have to wonder if he is playing away.

OP posts:
lilysmummy2007 · 04/04/2010 15:46

Boogie thats my plan, i will not be treated like this, its not deserved and I have not been anything but nice. I never pull stunts like this and I have no relative here but when we went to my family home for hols twice , everyone was really nice and included him in everything. It was the first time they had met him as I am from Trinidad originally so cant really make that trip every year without breaking the bank. I need to get to the bottom of this or it will drive me mad!

OP posts:
GeekOfTheWeek · 04/04/2010 15:47

lilysmummy, hope you and your dd are okay.

I don't say this lightly but it is highly unlikely that your dp is innocent. Even if he has not cheated as such, his actions are sly and devious. Not the actions of a man that loves his partner.

I bet he doesn't even have the balls to be honest with you about last night.

Foxymona · 04/04/2010 16:00

For what it's worth- I don't think he is cheating on you seeming as it took months for him to get a haircut and tidy himself up. That is not the action of a cheating man.

However there is something very dodge about what he did. I'm guessing he fancies his ex (or her attention) and it is all about that. Hence the run around and the sudden change in appearance. Does he have facebook, email account, dodgy text messages?

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